Page 6

CHAPTER 6

Matt

A djusting to having a baby in my life is no easy feat. I’ve told the guys I wouldn’t be able to make any of our hockey games for the next little bit, being vague and just telling them I had a lot going on. Josh knows about Jayden, but the others didn’t pry. Zoey has been a literal godsend. She’s been over to check in on Jayden and me, and I’m not sure how I got her to, but she agreed to meet me at the rink on Wednesday morning as long as I brought her coffee and took her to breakfast after, and I couldn’t turn that down.

I had originally agreed to watch Cate last night while Liv and Josh celebrated their wedding anniversary, but we both agreed that it might be too much for me with Jayden right now. Luckily, Gianna and her best friend, who also happens to be Josh’s sister, headed over instead.

We’re heading to my parent’s today for Thanksgiving and it’s going to be weird not seeing Zo or talking to her all day. Even before Jayden, we talked often. It varied between telling the other about seeing things that reminded us of them or sending memes to just wanting someone to talk to. Now, we talk practically every day. She asks for updates on Jayden, and we talk about how she’s processing everything around finding a new job and what she wants to do.

Pulling up in front of my parents’, I take a deep breath. I haven’t brought Jayden here yet. We’ve only been at my place, the rink, and out to run errands. I’ve thought about what it would be like to bring my kids here to spend time with my parents, about them being able to do cousin sleepovers with Liv’s and Gi’s kids. But I also imagined that with us all being settled down, being married to people we love and excited to grow our families. I can’t help but feel as though I’m failing Jayden by not having his mom in our lives or being settled down with someone.

The front door opens, and Liv leans against the doorway, watching me. I guess I can’t keep sitting out here lost in my thoughts.

I get out and grab Jayden and his bag before making my way up the front steps of my parents’ place and kissing Liv on the cheek.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Liv.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Matty.”

We walk into the house, and Gianna is the first one to me, immediately taking Jayden out of his car seat.

“Well hello to you, too, Gi,” I say.

She smiles up at me. “Hi, Matty, you know I love you, but I also need some time with my nephew. Grab a beer relax, Aunty Gi’s got this adorable little boy.” She makes her way to the couch and settles down beside Emily, who is all over Jayden, too.

“Looks like I’ve lost my kid,” I muse.

Liv laughs. “Get used to it. I walked in and Eleanor had Cate before I could even blink. Enjoy the kid-free time. Trust me, take advantage while you can. I’m just grateful Emily doesn’t have kids yet, because we can monopolize Josh’s parents’ grandparent time right now. Eleanor and Logan love spending time with Cate, and I know Mom and Dad do, too, but with Jayden now, I’m not sure they’ll love taking two babies at a time. Just wait, Mom will be asking you when she can take him off your hands shortly.”

I laugh, because I can see it. I know how much Mom has looked forward to being a grandparent. I follow Liv into the kitchen and kiss Mom on the cheek and shake Dad’s hand before grabbing something to drink and following Liv into the den. Mom doesn’t like when people interfere while she’s cooking a large meal like Thanksgiving or Christmas, so we’ve all learned to say our hellos and make ourselves scarce unless she calls us.

“So...” Liv starts, running her teeth over her bottom lip.

“Just ask, Liv,” I say.

She nods and turns on the couch to face me. “Have you heard from Jayden’s mom at all?”

I shake my head. “No, and I don’t think I will. Her letter made it seem like she was pretty content to just sign her rights away and never see Jayden again. As much as I hate that for Jayden, if she was willing to abandon him in the first place, I’m not sure I want her back in his life to up and do it again. She could have always told me she was pregnant and we could have done this together. I could have helped her when she was overwhelmed. Instead, she left me in the dark and abandoned our son. I’m not sure that’s something I can ever forgive. How do you just leave a baby? She didn’t even knock to see if I was home or to make sure that was my place. She left him defenseless where anyone could take him. I’m not sure how much longer I would have slept if it wasn’t for Zoey yelling for me when she went to leave that morning. I had no plans to leave that day. How long would he have sat outside my door before I found him?”

I run a hand through my hair, and my chest heaves as I finish word vomiting on my sister. I haven’t said those words out loud before now. I’ve thought them and tried to process all of my feelings about my son being abandoned, but to put those feelings into words is freeing.

Liv squeezes my leg. “Matt, you’re entitled to your feelings. And please know I will always be in your corner no matter what. But I don’t want you to write her off just yet. You don’t know everything that she was dealing with when she was pregnant or when she left Jayden with you. Some women experience heavy depression during and after pregnancy. She may have thought she had no other choice. Do I think what she did was right? Of course not, but I’m also not going to pretend to know what she was feeling or thinking. So don’t waste your time and energy being mad at her. Spend it getting to know your little boy and building a life for him.”

Why does my little sister have to be so wise? I offer her a soft smile. “I know you’re right, but I don’t think I’m ready to move past the anger yet.”

“Fair. If I was in your shoes I’d feel the same way. I don’t blame you for your feelings, and I’m here anytime you need to talk. About anything.”

I pull Liv into a hug and kiss the top of her head. Liv and I have always been close. Even when we were young and fought or wanted to strangle each other, we were close. I’m glad we didn’t lose that as we grew up.

“I’m thankful for you,” I whisper into her hair.

She squeezes. “I’m thankful for you,” she whispers back.

“What did I miss?” Josh asks, leaning against the entryway of the den.

Liv pulls back and smiles at her husband. “Just a little sibling bonding.”

He kisses her forehead and hands her a drink. “I think our sisters are experiencing some baby fever. They’ve managed to get both babies and are in the spare room with all the toys right now. My mom’s joined yours in the kitchen, and our dads are in the living room watching a football game.”

“Sounds like them,” Liv says.

Josh picks her up as she squeals and holds onto him before he takes her seat and she settles in his lap.

I shake my head. “You couldn’t have taken the chair that’s literally right beside you?” I ask.

He chuckles and shakes his head as he tucks a stray piece of Liv’s hair behind her ear. “No, I want to be as close to my wife as possible.”

Liv’s cheeks turn pink, but I watch as her smile grows. Watching them together has me feeling nothing but happiness for them. I watched for years as they both danced around the fact they liked each other but neither of them said anything. I know Josh worships her and is an amazing husband and father. I’ve never seen either of them as happy as they’ve been since they started dating. It was a change in Josh I noticed first that tipped me off that they had indeed started dating. He didn’t want to go out as often, and when I did see him, he was always in such a good mood. The fact that Liv was so worried about how their relationship would impact his and mine only reminded me of how selfless my sister is, but them being married has only brought us closer. Josh is now my brother in every way that matters.

“So, who do we think ends up with a baby first, Gianna or Emily?” Liv asks.

Josh stills under her. “I’m not ready for my baby sister to have kids,” he says, and I throw my head back with a laugh.

“You’re telling me. I love Cate and wouldn’t change anything about you two or her, but it was a lot to hear that my baby sister was expecting.”

His hand finds Liv’s stomach, and he smiles at her softly.

“Are you guys expecting again?” I ask immediately, and Liv’s head turns to me so quickly I’m surprised I don’t hear a pop.

“No, why would you ask?”

I tip my chin at Josh’s hand.

She shakes her head and smiles. “No, but one day. We want more.”

“Soon,” Josh says, and I shake my head.

“You two are going to have your own little hockey team.”

“Not that many,” Liv says. “But a full house, yeah.”

She leans into Josh more, and he tightens his arm around her waist. “What about you? Do you want more after Jayden?”

I sit with the question for a minute. I think I do want more kids. I want Jayden to have built-in friends like I had with Liv and eventually Gi. I want to hear a house full of laughter. But in order to have that, I need to find someone.

Mom saves me by calling us all for dinner.

The rest of the night moves smoothly. We all laugh and enjoy dinner. As I finish getting Jayden settled at home, my phone rings in my pocket. I quickly fish it out and smile as Zoey’s name flashes across the screen. Lying on the couch, I answer. “Hey, Zo.”

“Hey,” she says, her voice soft and almost hesitant.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” I ask.

“It was good. Henry and Maggie made an amazing dinner. It’s been a while since all of us could get together. How about yours?”

“Amazing. It was the first time taking Jayden to Mom and Dad’s, and I basically lost him to Gianna the second I walked in the door, so I spent a lot of time with Liv and Josh. As always, Mom made enough food to feed an army, so I brought leftovers home.”

I hear shuffling on the other end of the line. “Where are you?” I ask.

“I’m just getting settled into bed,” she says, and I stiffen as thoughts of Zoey in slinky pyjamas as she climbs under the sheets fill my head. The way the fabric would strain against her chest and her nipples would press against the fabric, leaving nothing to the imagination. I shake my head quickly. These kinds of thoughts about Zoey have come more and more over the last year and a half, but specifically over the last two weeks. I woke up so hard the other morning after a dream about her, that if she had been here in pyjamas just like I was imagining, I probably would have come in my boxer briefs.

“Matt?” Zoey’s voice breaks through my fog, and I clear my throat.

“Hmmm?”

“How did Jayden do today?” she asks.

“Oh, he did great. He didn’t fuss when Gi took him, and he slept well in the guest room when we put him down.”

“I’m glad,” she says as a yawn tears through her.

“I should let you get some sleep.”

“Nah, I’m fine. I wanted to check in on you guys.”

I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. Knowing Zoey was thinking about us today makes me happier than it should.

“Get some sleep, Zo. We can talk tomorrow.”

She yawns again. “Promise?” More shuffling comes through.

“Yeah. Promise.”

“Okay.”

“I’m glad you called. Sleep well, Zo.”

“You, too,” she says before the line goes dead.