Page 20

CHAPTER 20

Zoey

I haven’t been excited about holding hands with a boy since I was in high school, but when Matthew Carter slipped his hand in mine and entwined our fingers, there was no stopping the giddy feeling that went through me. For all I know, it was just a friendly gesture as I leaned into his side to get a good look at Jayden, but the fact that he initiated it was everything.

As Matt drives us back to the city, I stare out the window, hiding the smile I can’t fight. Today has been amazing. Trying new foods, riding the rides, and playing stupid fair games that are really just a grab for money was exactly what I needed to take my mind off everything. The highlight of it all was when Matt kept playing the stupid ball toss game, determined to win, and when he finally did, he got me that adorable stuffed ladybug. I was obsessed as a kid. After Mrs. Carter told me about them bringing good luck, I hoped if I spent enough time with them maybe they’d bring me enough luck that my parents would be home more often and when they were home, they’d play with me. I was in high school when I finally gave up hope that the ladybugs would bring me luck. I all but abandoned my love for them. I stopped wearing my ladybug jewellery and stopped lying in the grass beside the Carters’ garden and watching them. By then, I knew my parents wouldn’t change and hoping they would was more energy than it was worth. I had my brothers and Liv, and that’s all I needed.

Matt winning that stuffed animal for me reminded a little of the joy they used to bring me.

“I had fun today,” Matt says, breaking me from my fog.

I offer him a smile. “Me, too. I never got to go to the fair as a kid.”

He looks at me, a little shocked. “Never?”

I shake my head and play with my hands in my lap. “Never. We didn’t have the money growing up. Henry, Kai, and Ezra all made sure I didn’t have to work as a teenager so I could focus on school and get to do a few extracurriculars, but there wasn’t any money for those things.”

I’m not sure Matt knows the extent of what my childhood was like. I’m pretty sure Henry had told his parents the gist of things when I was a kid because I was spending so much time at their house, and over the years, I’ve told Liv more and more and she has the whole picture now, but not many people know just how bad things with my parents were. I haven’t spoken to either of them in years. In fact, I’m not even sure if they’re alive, and as horrible as it is to say, I’m not sure I really care either way. They were never there for me growing up. They never attended school concerts, bandaged me up when I fell and scraped my knees, or even attended any of my graduations. My brothers and the Carters are the ones who were there for all of that.

“Well, we can’t have that anymore. It’s decided, next summer, you and I are hitting Playland, the PNE, too.” Matt becomes more enthusiastic as he continues. “We’ll get season passes and go as often as possible. We’ll ride the rollercoasters and the flume. We’ll try every food they have and play all the games. We’ll hit everything.”

His excitement is contagious, and I can’t wait for us to do all of it.

“I’m sure Liv would love to join us,” I say, and I swear I feel disappointment radiate off him at my words.

“I’m sure she would.” His voice doesn’t hold the same genuine excitement it had before.

As we enter the city, I watch as Matt starts tapping his thumb on the steering wheel, slowly increasing in speed before he finally says, “So, I was thinking about ordering some food in and watching movies. Jayden will probably crash for hours. Do you...” He looks over at me before looking back at the road. “Do you want to join me?” There’s a hint of vulnerability to his voice, like me saying no would genuinely disappoint him.

I don’t want our great day to end yet, so I say, “Only if we order from that Indian place down the street from you.”

He laughs, and his shoulders relax. “Sounds like a plan.”

After we finish getting Jayden settled in his crib and everything brought in, we settle on the couch and my phone buzzes.

Hannah

Grayson’s working night shift tonight. Want to come over for drinks and movies?

I look up at Matt, who’s pouring us drinks in the kitchen while he orders food over the phone, and smile.

Zoey

Have plans tonight. Thanks though.

Hannah

Plans? The girls didn’t mention anything

Zoey

I’m not with the girls.

Hannah’s name and face fill my screen as she attempts to video call, and I immediately decline it. She tries again, and I decline it. She messages the group chat instead.

Hannah

Zoey says she has plans tonight but is refusing to accept my video call

Liv

Zo, are you on a date? What happened to taking time for yourself?

Bailey

Are you okay? Please don’t tell me someone else got your phone and that’s why you’re not answering.

Zoey

I’m fine. I’m not in a place I can answer the phone.

Hannah

So secret date.

Zoey

No, not a secret date.

Matt brings our drinks over and sets them on the coffee table before he pulls out a blanket and spreads it on the couch.

Zoey

Got to go.

I only catch a glimpse of Liv’s name on the screen before I lock my phone and put it face down on the table. Matt grabs the remote and settles on the couch, but instead of sitting on the far end, he sits in the middle, right beside me.

He grins and asks, “ Star Wars marathon?”

Oh, he’s good. He knows there’s no way I’m saying no to that. He kicks up his feet on the table, crosses his ankles and plays Episode I . There’s no way we’re pausing in the middle of a movie, so we eat our dinner on the couch, playing the next movie as soon as it finishes. When we hit the halfway point in Episode III , I feel myself getting tired, all the excitement of the day finally hitting. I relax further into the couch cushions and find myself leaning towards Matt. His arm goes around the back of the couch, and it’s like my body takes that as a sign to curl up into his side. I question it for a minute, until his arm drops around me and his thumb moves slowly up and down my arm.

A contented sigh leaves me as I get more comfortable, relaxing into Matt. I force my eyes to stay open until the end of the movie, not wanting to miss anything no matter how many times I’ve seen the movie.

The credits roll, and we sit and watch them. My eyes are getting heavier as the words scroll up the screen. Matt tucks my hair behind my ear, and I smile, revelling in his delicate touch as my eyes close.

“You can take my bed,” he says, and I just rub my face against his side. “Jayden will probably wake you up in the morning, but I think he will here, too.” He chuckles. He runs his hand over my hair, and it only lulls me to sleep more. “I’ll take the couch.”

“No.” I didn’t think I was awake enough to answer as quickly as I do. I rub my eyes and yawn. “I’m not stealing your bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.”

I push up from my position and stretch. When I face him, I can tell he’s being his usual stubborn self, and I don’t have the energy to fight him. “Fine, we’ll behave like adults and sleep in the same bed.”

I watch the wheels turn in his head before he finally nods, pushing up from the couch and making his way to his bedroom, opening the door quietly. He comes back out with a pair of shorts and a black T-shirt.

“You can wear these to sleep. Those should be more comfortable.”

I take them from him and head to the washroom and quickly change before meeting him in his room.

“What side should I take?” I ask.

He points to one side, and I move and settle under the blankets. Matt’s scent envelops me, and it’s intoxicating. I pull the blankets up, hoping to smell them and not look like a total creeper.

Matt gets in beside me, and I kind of hate the distance between us. I was enjoying being curled up in his side as I slept on the couch. Now I’m all alone on my side of the bed, far from where I want to be. I shuffle a little closer to the middle, and I swear I feel Matt do the same. I toss and turn for a few minutes, but ultimately fall asleep, too tired to keep my eyes open any longer.