Page 15

CHAPTER 15

Zoey

I have no idea what it’s going to be like seeing Matt this morning after everything that happened this weekend. After my breakdown on Saturday, Henry called a family dinner so we were all under the same roof. We haven’t done that in a while, and it was nice to see everyone all in one place, but as always, the boys found different ways to push each other’s buttons. If Maggie wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had started throwing dinner rolls at each other.

During dinner, it really hit me that I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to be living with my brother in five or ten years or be sitting around the table listening to my brothers talk about their latest accomplishments when I’ve done nothing.

I do my best to plaster on a smile as I enter the rink and make my way towards where I know Matt will be. He’s bouncing Jayden when I round the corner, and they both light up when they see me. That is single-handedly the best feeling in the world, watching someone be excited to see you. I just wish Matt wanted to see me for reasons more than just our friendship.

Jayden reaches for me as I approach, and I take him from Matt. He babbles at me like he’s got the most interesting story in the world to tell me.

“Oh really? That sounds so fun,” I say to him, and Matt smiles at me.

“Thanks for coming.”

I nod. “Of course. This little guy seems super awake today.”

He chuckles. “Little man got a lot of sleep last night. He was rearing to go this morning as soon as he woke up.”

I tickle his tummy. “Sounds like we’ve got to work some energy out of you, little man.”

He giggles, and little spit bubbles form at the corner of his mouth.

“I’ve got to go check on the kids,” Matt says and pauses before leaning down and kissing my cheek, whispering, “I’ll see you after,” across my skin. Goosebumps erupt down my neck and arms.

I watch as Matt makes his way to the dressing room before I dig into the diaper bag and pull out some stimulation toys to play with Jayden. He is bubbly and full of energy this morning. Thank God for the coffee Matt brought me, because I’m not sure I’d be able to keep up with him without it.

My stomach is growling by the time Matt finishes coaching and we head to breakfast. I love that we have a routine, something that’s just ours. No one else knows about Matt’s coaching, or that every Monday and Wednesday morning I get to spend time with Jayden and then share breakfast with Matt. It’s all ours.

I’m surprised Maggie’s home when I walk in the front door and find her sitting at the kitchen island. She smiles at me as I walk past her to the coffee maker and pour myself a cup.

“Early morning,” she says.

“Yeah, just ran out and met a friend.”

She gives me a look that tells me she suspects it was more, but thankfully, doesn’t push. I pull out the stool beside her and take a seat, wondering how to go about what I want to talk to her about.

She finishes something on her computer and closes it, turning to face me and giving me her full attention.

“What’s up?” she asks. Maggie has always been good at telling when I’ve got something on my mind. She was someone I turned to a lot in my later teen years.

“How did you finally settle on what you wanted to do?” I ask.

“You mean working with the foundation?” she asks, and I nod. “Well, I always enjoyed charity work growing up. My parents and I often volunteered around the holidays. As I got older, giving back to those in need when I was so fortunate was something that interested me. I did the research on what types of degrees I could get to work with non-profits and settled on a business degree. Are you not looking forward to being a lawyer?”

I’ve only told Matt I’m not sure I want to be a lawyer. Admitting it to Maggie, which also means admitting it to Henry, makes me feel like a failure, and shame wants to overtake me. My skin feels itchy, and I suddenly feel extremely warm. I pull at the neckline of my shirt and take a deep breath, but it doesn’t seem to help.

Maggie grabs my free hand and squeezes. It pulls me back from the panic that wants to take over.

“It’s okay if you don’t,” she says softly. “You’re allowed to change your mind.”

Her words have tears gathering behind my eyes.

“I don’t want to disappoint my brothers.” My words come out soft and barely there, but I know she heard them when she squeezes my hand again.

“Oh, sweetie, you won’t disappoint them by changing your mind. Your brothers just want you to be happy.”

I wipe at a stray tear. “They all did so much to take care of me as a kid and support me. I know none of them wanted to be taking care of their baby sister as teenagers, but they were stuck with me. I want them to be proud of me after they sacrificed so much.” I tip my head back, willing the rest of the tears not to fall.

“They would never say that.” Maggie stands and rounds the island, pulling some cookies and sweets out from the cabinet before settling back beside me and pushing them towards me. “When Henry and I were first getting serious, he talked to me about your guys’ childhood. He told me all about taking care of you and the boys, and all the responsibility he took on. Yes, he admits it was stressful and a lot for someone his age, but he’s also talked about how much he loved watching you all grow up and become the people you are today. How he’s grateful to have played a role in you all finding yourselves. I don’t think he’d go back and change a thing. I bet Kai, Ezra, Riley, and John would all say the same thing. You guys are family. I know you would each do anything for your siblings, and I got to experience that when you five embraced me when Henry proposed. Henry’s biggest wish for you and your brothers is to live your best lives and be happy. That’s how he believes he’ll know he’s succeeded in raising you guys.”

I grab one of Maggie’s homemade chocolate chip cookies and take a bite, letting her words sink in. I’m so grateful to Maggie for being there to support Henry when he’s spent his whole life taking care of everyone else. She’s taken on the same role with all of us, being an older sister to my brothers and me.

“I feel so lost. I’ve just spent all this time getting a degree, and now I don’t even know what to do with it. The thought of being a lawyer doesn’t make me happy.”

“And that’s okay. What’s important is how you go forward. You need to find what does make you happy. And you don’t have to do that right this second. You’re young and still have plenty of time. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like. I quite enjoy having someone else in the house and having another girl around.”

“I love you, Mags.”

“I love you, too, Zo.”

I hug her, and when we pull apart, she grabs the sweets and I follow her into the living room, where she pulls out some blankets and puts on a movie. We sit together much like we did when I was a kid.

“Is she okay?” Henry’s voice wakes me up.

“Yeah,” Maggie answers. “It was just an eventful day.”

“What happened?” Henry sounds worried.

“Let her tell you when she’s ready, but she’s okay. I think she could use some time with her big brother, though.” Bless Maggie for letting me be the one to tell Henry.

“I’m worried about her.”

“Why?”

He sighs. “I’m so glad to have her here. I’ve missed seeing her, and when she was in her own place, it was so hard for us to find time to see each other, but I know things aren’t right if she is giving up the independence and freedom she had living on her own. Plus, she’s been leaving early some mornings, like out the door before I’m out of the shower, and other days she’s coming home super late. She doesn’t seem happy.”

I feel so weird lying here and listening to their conversation, but I’m not sure what to do and it’s about me.

“Honey, she’s twenty-six. She’s living her life, and I know how protective you are of your siblings, especially her, but you have to remember they’re adults now, too. They don’t need you to worry about them all the time. They need you to just be there for them.”

He lets out a deep breath and says, “I know.”

Silence fills the room, and I decide this is the time to let them know I’m awake. I stretch and make noises, and they turn to me.

Henry smiles. “Well hello, sleepyhead. Have a good nap?”

I yawn and rub my eyes. “Yeah.”

“Good. Mags and I were talking and we were thinking of ordering takeout for dinner. You good with Indian?”

I nod. “Sounds good. You know what I like.”

“Butter chicken and garlic naan. Gotcha.”

He pulls his phone out and orders while Maggie brings me a cup of tea. “Thanks,” I say as she hands me the cup.

“You’re welcome.” She looks over her shoulder at Henry and drops her voice. “You should talk to him.”

I smile at her. Of course, she knew I was awake.

“I will.”

The timer in the kitchen goes off, and she quickly makes her way to the oven, where she pulls out a tray of cupcakes.

“Want to help frost them?” she asks, and I’m immediately off the couch and joining her. Decorating cakes, cupcakes, and cookies was something we did a lot when I was younger. None of the boys were interested in sweets, except eating them, so it was something for just the two of us.

Henry joins us in the kitchen, letting us know dinner will be here in thirty minutes. He comes behind us, wrapping an arm over each of our shoulders. “Look at my girls.” He kisses both our cheeks. “I missed seeing you guys do this together.”

I smile at them both. “Me, too.”

Maggie and I finish decorating the cupcakes just in time for dinner to be delivered. While we finish cleaning up, Henry gets everything set up in the dining room. We talk and laugh while we enjoy dinner. Once we’re all finished, I take a long sip of my wine and turn to Henry. He sobers when he sees my expression.

“What’s wrong, Zo?”

I take a deep breath and say, “I don’t want to be a lawyer.”

He looks shocked for a second, and then he relaxes back into his seat. “Okay. Do you know what you do want to do?”

I spin my wine glass between my fingers and dip my head. “No.”

He nods. “That’s okay, Zoey. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. Part of being an adult is figuring it out.”

“You’re not disappointed?” I ask.

Shock fills his expression, and he shakes his head. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because you did so much to help make sure I got into a top school and was able to get my degree. You sacrificed so much when we were younger, and now I’m throwing away a degree that took a lot of time and money.”

“Oh, Zo. I’m not disappointed.” He reaches out and takes my hand. “You’re my little sister. Everything I did for you and the boys was a sacrifice I was willing to make. And you’re not throwing away your degree. You gained experience. Just because you don’t want to be a lawyer doesn’t mean you won’t put your degree to good use. Take some time to figure out what you want to do. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like.”

I push out of my chair and wrap my arms around my brother, and his immediately come around me, holding me to him tightly.

“You’re the best big brother. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Zoey.”

He gives me one more squeeze, and we separate.

“Now, I think I’d love one of those delicious cupcakes in the kitchen,” Henry says.

I nod and grab the plate full of them and bring them to the table. I feel so much better having had that conversation with Maggie and Henry. Nothing is fixed. I still have no idea what I want to do, and I still feel lost because of it, but I’m not worried about disappointing him now.

We enjoy a night in before Henry and Maggie call it a night. I follow not long behind them, curling up with a book before falling asleep.