Page 32

CHAPTER 32

Zoey

W hen I finally get to Matt’s, he looks like he’s on the verge of a breakdown. Jayden is screaming at the top of his lungs, and I don’t think Matt’s slept a wink, which means Jayden probably hasn’t either. The look of utter relief on his face when he sees me has my heart breaking and soaring at the same time. Breaking because he looks so lost and soaring because just seeing me can bring him relief when he needs it most.

Without thinking, I go on my tiptoes and kiss him before wrapping my arms around him and holding him. His entire body is rigid, like he’s been wound so tight for so long he’s not sure how to relax. When his arms do wrap around me, some of the tension leaves his body.

“He’s going to be okay,” I whisper, and he nods against me.

When we finally pull apart, I head into the living room where Jayden is in his jolly jumper. He looks so unhappy. As soon as he sees me, he’s reaching for me. I pick him up and hold him close and can tell he has a slight fever. I ask Matt for the thermometer, and he brings it to me, telling me he took it earlier and it was one hundred and one degrees, so not in the hospital zone, but still warm. I take it again and get the same reading.

Matt sits on the couch with his head in his hands. I feel like he may break.

After a few minutes, he takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair. “He’s blowing out almost every diaper. I’ve changed him a few times and gone through almost all of his clothes because if he didn’t have a blowout, he’s puked. It’s been like this since 1 a.m. He woke up screaming, and I just haven’t been able to get him to calm down.”

I tilt my head to look at Jayden as I continue rubbing my hand over his back. “Are we sick, little man? We’re gonna get you all better.” I turn to Matt. “I’ve got him. Why don’t you throw his dirty clothes in the wash? He seems congested, too, so I’m going to take him to the bathroom and turn the shower on.”

He nods, and I head upstairs to one of the bathrooms and turn the shower on to high, waiting for the bathroom to fill with steam. After a few minutes, Jayden seems to calm a little, but he’s still not feeling well. As we step out of the bathroom and Matt comes up the stairs, he pukes all down my front and starts crying.

“Oh, it’s okay, baby.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Matt says, and I shake my head.

“It’s fine. I brought clothes, they’re in my bag in my car. My keys are in my purse, can you just grab the bag for me?”

He’s jogging down the stairs before I even finish. I take Jayden into the kitchen to see if I can maybe get him to eat some puree so we can keep something in him. He’s not happy when I put him in the highchair, but I need to reach into a cabinet to get his food.

When Matt comes back in, he pulls out a shirt and hands it to me. I take mine off, and he takes it from me before taking it into the laundry room. When Matt’s done, he picks Jayden up from his highchair, and he calms a little, but he keeps reaching for me. It seems to crush Matt a little.

“Do you want me to leave? Maybe call Liv?” I ask.

“No,” Matt rushes out. “I get it. When I was sick, I wanted my mom, too. I love my dad, but it wasn’t the same.”

I still for a second, the gravity of his words hitting me, and I’m surprised they don’t make me want to run. In fact, they make me never want to leave.

I reach for Jayden, and Matt passes him. Jayden calms. “Okay, little man, can you eat a little bit for me?”

I offer him a bite of the pureed carrots, and he takes it. Thankfully, he eats a decent amount before he’s had enough and refuses any more.

We’re relaxing on the couch with him in my lap when he has a blowout. We spend the whole day doing everything we can to help Jayden. He takes naps on me, never wanting me to put him down, and Matt doesn’t leave our side. I finally convince him to take a nap, too, but he does it on the couch. Matt was able to get the TV set up above the fireplace, so I watch movies while the boys sleep.

It’s been crazy. I’ve managed to go through all the clothes I brought with me between the puke and baby poop. Standing in Matt’s bedroom, I quickly strip out of my clothes and open his dresser drawers. I grab the first things I find, a pair of his boxer briefs and a T-shirt and throw them on. I pick up my gross clothes and rush them to the washing machine before taking a wailing Jayden from Matt.

Matt’s eyes hungrily take me in as I sway Jayden, trying to calm him. Poor Jayden just can’t seem to catch a break today. When he finally stops screaming, I feel the tension in the room slip away. My shoulders relax, and I watch as Matt exhales and leans against the wall.

“You look good in my clothes,” he says, and my cheeks heat at the same time my stomach growls. It’s been so long since I’ve eaten real food.

“I guess that’s my sign to feed you some dinner,” he says as he pushes off the wall outside the laundry room and makes his way to the kitchen.

While I’m pacing and rocking Jayden, the doorbell rings and I call out, “I’ll get it.”

Pulling open the front door, I’m stunned to see my five brothers standing on the other side. They’re each holding canvas bags or a six-pack of beer, and Ezra is holding a bottle of red wine. Their eyes are huge as they take me in, and it hits me that I’m standing here holding a baby in a man’s clothes.

“ Fuck. Shit ,” I hiss loudly.

“You okay, Bug? Please don’t tell me he puked again or had another blowout. I’m not sure we have any more clean onesies,” Matt calls, and I turn to watch him round the corner in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. Great.

My brothers’ eyes move to him and then back to me, bouncing a few times before they finally settle on me. I feel Matt approach before he offers his hand to my brothers, and they all shake it.

“Hey, guys. It’s nice to see you. To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Well, Zoey didn’t show for family dinner,” Henry says, his eyes never leaving me as mine bug out. Fuck. I had totally forgotten about our sibling dinner we planned with Maggie out of town.

I run my teeth over my bottom lip. “Sorry about that. It’s been kinda crazy. How did you even find me?”

John holds his phone up, a giant grin spread across his face. “I guess it’s a good thing Henry is Mr. Overprotective and made us all share our locations with the family. It was pretty easy to figure it out once we got on the street and saw your car.”

I nod, not sure what else to say.

“You going to invite us in, or not?” Riley says as he lifts the bags in his hand. “We brought food.”

“And booze,” Kai says, holding up his six-pack.

Matt’s hand finds the small of my back. “Yeah, of course. Please come in. I’ll get the table set.”

“No need, we’ll figure it out,” John says as he passes.

Henry and Ezra hover while Kai and Riley follow John. They step inside enough that I can close the door from the brisk wind outside.

“Why don’t I take him,” Matt says, reaching for Jayden, and I quickly turn, moving him out of reach.

“So help me God, Matthew, if you make him cry one more fucking time, I will have your balls.” I’m exhausted and cannot deal with any more crying, or vomit, or shit. I don’t know how Matt dealt with this for hours by himself this morning, but I’m so tired. I need Jayden to sleep and get better, and if he’ll only do that while I hold him, then I’ll hold him.

He holds his hands up and takes a step back. “Okay. I’m just going to find the others. Call me if you need me,” he says, his eyes darting to Henry and Ezra before he leaves us.

I run a hand over Jayden’s back, and he snuggles deeper into me.

Henry and Ezra are both quiet. They’ve always been this way, and it’s one of the things I love most about them. They don’t push or speak to fill the space. When Henry does speak, I know I’m in for a conversation I’m not sure I’m ready for.

“A baby.” That’s all he says, as if that’s enough.

“Yup, this is a baby. Way to point out the obvious,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“What’s going on with the baby?” Henry asks.

“He’s sick. He’s puked and shit on almost every piece of clothing I brought and a ton of Matt’s.”

Jayden starts to make the noises he makes just before he goes into a crying fit, so I begin pacing and rubbing my hand over his back as I shush him.

“What are you doing here?” Ezra asks.

“I’m helping Matt. He called me this morning, freaking out about Jayden being sick. He’s only calmed down when I’ve been holding him.” I feel their eyes boring into me, tracking my movements in the entryway.

“But, why are you doing it?” Ezra pushes.

“Because he needed help, and I want to.”

Both of them give me an as-if expression as Matt comes back to join us. “Hey, Bug, go grab some food, you need to eat.”

Jayden fusses again, and I start bouncing him softly. “In a bit,” I say.

“No, now, Bug. Even if that means I’m cutting up food and feeding you. You need to eat something.”

My stomach growls again, and my mouth waters as the smell of baked pasta and cheese wafts out of the kitchen.

“Fine,” I grumble and move in the direction of food, Matt and my brothers hot on my trail.

The dining table is full of food: lasagna, meatballs, salad, garlic bread, roast vegetables, and potatoes. We’ve always had to make a ton of food when we all eat together, because I swear my brothers can eat enough for an army. I settle in a chair, and Matt takes a seat beside me and starts making me a plate as Ezra and Henry grab a seat. I can honestly say this is not a situation I ever saw myself being in, sitting with Matt and a baby with my brothers at the dinner table.

As Matt places a piece of lasagna on the plate, I ask, “Who made the lasagna?”

“Henry,” Kai says, and I nod, satisfied with the answer. The last time Riley was given the responsibility, it was like a giant mouthful of salt.

Supporting Jayden with my left arm, I take a bite of potatoes and moan. The table is full of awkward silence, like no one is sure what to say to start conversation.

“So, this is why you snuck out this morning,” Henry finally says in his typical big brother way.

“I didn’t realize moving in meant I was reporting to you. Was it really sneaking out?”

“You’ve seemed to be doing it a lot. Leaving and not saying goodbye. Out super early in the morning and sometimes not coming home for days.”

“She’s been up early? No way,” Ezra says. “She was such a pain to get up for school, always fighting tooth and nail for five more minutes.”

“She’s been waking up as early as 5 a.m. and out the door before 6 a.m.”

All five of my brothers are now staring at me, and I continue eating. I don’t owe them an explanation. They’re my brothers, not my keepers. It’s also not my secret to tell, so I keep my mouth shut, but Matt says, “You can tell them, Bug.”

I shake my head. “It’s none of their business,” I say loud enough they can hear me.

“You’re our business, so how is it not?” Riley asks as he continues to shovel more food in his mouth.

“Careful, Ri. You might just choke if you keep eating like that.” I look around the table at my brothers. “You guys don’t tell me everything about your lives. Why am I required to do so?”

“You’re our baby sister,” Ezra tries to argue.

I look at John, who’s been quiet. “Do they do this to you? Ask you all these questions about your life?”

He shakes his head.

“John’s only three years older than me. Why don’t you ask him this stuff?”

“Because he doesn’t need protecting,” Henry says, and my blood starts to boil as I remember our conversation in his kitchen.

“I don’t need protecting anymore. I’m an adult, and I’m perfectly capable of deciding who I date and how I spend my time.”

“So, you are dating him,” Henry pushes.

“I am. I’m also the happiest I’ve been in a long time.” Jayden starts to make noises, and I stand and pace. “You five were there for me as a kid, and I appreciate it endlessly. I know not everyone is as lucky as I was to have five brothers to look after me so I didn’t end up in the system, but I’m an adult now. I just need you to support me.”

Matt reaches for Jayden, but I don’t give him over. While I’m helping him sleep, he’s helping keep me calm right now. “Bug, why don’t I take him to the other room so you guys can talk?”

I shake my head. “I’ve got him.” My eyes are pleading, and he knows exactly what I mean.

“You’re also here on a Friday night taking care of a baby that’s not yours,” Henry says, and it kind of hurts, because as much as I know Jayden isn’t mine, he feels like mine and I want him to be.

“That’s my choice. Do you really think I’d be here right now if I didn’t want to be?”

Matt rubs my back as I pass him in my pacing, and Henry’s attention turns to him. “So you’ve just dragged my sister into this? What’s going on with the kid’s mom?”

“He has a name,” I interject. “It’s Jayden.”

Henry notices my tone, nods and returns to his questions. “What is going on with Jayden’s mom? Are you just using my sister for a fun time?”

Matt shakes his head furiously. “I would never use Zoey for just a fun time. I respect her too much, and I know that between her and my sister I’d be a very unhappy man if I messed with her like that. Zoey is the only person who has made me want to settle down. I wasn’t in any rush to stop having fun and settle down and start a family. Even before Jayden was dropped off, I found myself going out less to spend a night in with Zoey. So, even if Jayden wasn’t dropped off, I think we’d be right here eventually.”

I stop and stare at him. I never even stopped to realize Matt was spending a lot of weekends with me, and they weren’t just when other plans fell through, he was consciously making plans with me.

“Why do you call her Bug?” Ezra asks thoughtfully.

“He called me that as a kid,” I say off-handily before resuming my pacing.

“Okay, but why does he call you that now?”

Matt grips the back of his neck, his eyes flashing to me before his attention is focused on Ezra. “As a kid, I called her that because she loved ladybugs and it got a rise out of her. She’d turn this adorable shade of red and say, ‘Don’t call me that,’ but she eventually got used to it, stopped complaining, and it faded. A few months ago, it hit me like a semi just how fucking lucky I am to have her in my life, even if at the time it was just as friends. Zoey makes me feel safe and comfortable, and just me. So Bug, like ladybugs, because she is the luck in my life.”

I’m crying now. No one has talked about me like that so earnestly. Liv and the girls have always said nice things and helped build me up, but this is different. Matt makes me feel not only needed but wanted, like his life isn’t the same without me, and I feel the same way.

Ezra and, surprisingly, Henry nod as though they get it, Riley, Kai, and John are more so focused on eating it’s as though they’re not even sure why they’re here.

Matt looks over at me and is rushing out of his seat, taking my face in his hands. “Please don’t cry.

“I don’t want to cry,” I whisper, and he kisses my nose.

“So why are you crying?”

“Because I never thought I could feel like this. I never thought I could feel so strongly about someone or that they’d feel the same about me. You make me feel seen and wanted.”

Matt wipes away my tears, and I close my eyes as I lean into his touch. Jayden hasn’t fussed in a bit, and I would love to put him down and see him get some good sleep, so I say, “I’m going to see if he’ll be okay in his crib.”

“I can take him,” Matt offers, but I shake my head.

“I need a minute.”

He nods, and I head upstairs.