Page 12

CHAPTER 12

Matt

I slept like complete and utter shit last night. I kept having recurring dreams of Zoey out with different guys, and I was forced to sit and watch them. Watch her laugh with them. Flirt with them. In a couple, I had to watch her kiss them, and it had my blood on fire. I’m not sure what’s caused it, but I’ve developed this possessive attachment to her. I don’t want to share her. I don’t want her to be going on dates with the guy my sister wants to set her up with or some hotshot doctor Hannah wants her to go out with. I wanted to slam my drink on the table and say no, she’s not going out with either of them. But I can’t do that. I have no claim over her. The most I can say is she’s a friend.

Her saying Dean wasn’t in to giving up control only made me more interested. I want to know exactly how she takes control.

I’m grumpier than Jayden as we get ready to leave the house for sibling brunch and for him to hang out with Josh. I’m still not sure how I feel about Josh juggling both kids, but I also know Josh is a great dad and won’t let anything happen to either of the kids.

With the diaper bag over my shoulder and Jayden in his car seat, I make my way up to Josh and Liv’s apartment. I knock, and Liv almost immediately pulls it open, a huge grin on her face when she sees me.

“I’m so glad you’re here!”

The look on my face must show I’ve had a rough night, because she asks, “Did Jayden not sleep last night?”

I shake my head. “He slept fine, it was me who had the issue.”

Worry etches her face. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just some weird dreams.”

Josh comes out of the kitchen and joins us, Cate on his hip. “Hey, man,” he says, tipping his chin at me.

“Hey. Thanks for watching Jayden for me.”

“Of course. It will be great for Cate and Jayden to get some cousin time, and Liv’s been going on about how she wants a sibling breakfast.”

She smiles at me. “I just miss you and Gi. It’s been too long.”

“It has. Well, I’ve packed everything you should need: bottles, diapers, wipes, some of his toys. If you have any problems, I’ll have my cell.”

He chuckles. “Matt, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve done this before.”

“I know, but you’ve never managed two kids at once.”

“Go. Have fun.”

Liv ushers me out of her apartment, and we make our way down to my car to pick up Gi. Liv catches me up on some of Cate’s milestones she’s hit recently. Cate has recently started blowing raspberries and is very entertained by them, but with that has also come the fascination of putting things in her mouth, and that’s a stage I’m not looking forward to. Cate is only two months older than Jayden. I never thought Liv and I would have kids so close in age, but I’m glad they have each other. If Josh and I both end up finding places near Caleb’s, our kids will all end up going to the same school, which will be nice.

Gi is waiting for us outside when we pull up to the house, and she hops in the back. “Hey!”

“You’re chipper this morning,” I say.

“I am! It’s been so long since the three of us have gone out and done anything together. I’m excited,” Gi says.

“See, even Gi agrees it’s been too long,” Liv says.

“I know. Life’s just been kind of crazy.”

They nod, and I drive us to the restaurant they picked earlier this week. The place is bustling with people. We manage to snag the last booth in the corner and settle in. I order coffee, needing a pick me up.

The three of us seamlessly slip into conversation, catching each other up with what’s going on in our lives. When our food is delivered, Liv manages to maneuver the conversation to a bet she still has to cash in with me. Last December, I bet her Josh could slip in Taylor Swift song titles into conversation and no one would notice, but I lost when Caleb figured it out. I now have to let Liv set me up and I have to go on three dates with her.

“Why are you cashing in on this now?” I ask.

“Because I think you’re now in place to settle down, and that you might actually stick it out with her.”

Something about going on a date doesn’t really sit well with me. I can’t seem to stop thinking about Zoey, but maybe dating is exactly what I need to get her off my mind.

“And what am I supposed to do about Jayden?” I ask.

“Oh, I’ll watch him,” Gi says.

“Gi, I’m not going to make you come all the way out to the city to watch Jayden, and as much as I want you to spend time with him, I don’t really want to do the drive to and from Mom and Dad’s to drop him off.”

“No, it’s no problem. I can spend the day with Emily and then sleep on your couch, or I can bring an air mattress.” She looks determined to do this.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, one hundred percent. As much as I love being home and seeing Mom and Dad all the time, I would also just love to get out of the house. I miss being in the city. Back at school, I was always out and about. Now I feel like I never leave the house and all I do is binge watch TV while I crochet or read books. This will be a great excuse to force me out of the house, and I want to bond with my nephew.”

I nod and turn to Liv. “As long as the date also works for Gi, you can set it up.”

“Oh, yay! You’re going to love her,” Liv exclaims. “I’ll text you both the details when I get it set up.”

“You’re not going to let me pick the restaurant?” I ask.

“Nope, I’m going to plan the whole thing. All you have to do is show up.”

I furrow my brows but accept it. I’m far too exhausted to fight her on any of this, and if it makes my sister happy, I’ll let her do it.

Brunch with the girls today reminds me of how much I miss when we all lived close to each other. We got to have that while I was home for the summers when I was in college, but by the time I was back from the east coast, Gianna was heading off to Stanford. It hasn’t worked out in eight years for us to all be in the same city for long. I may be their older brother, but I also like the people they’ve become and enjoy spending time with them.

When the waitress drops off the bill, I quickly snag it before either of them can. I know Liv is going to fight me for it, but I’m not going to give in. Liv insists on getting the next one, but we’ll see about that.

I spend the drive back to Liv’s excited to see Jayden. I haven’t spent much time apart from him since he was left with me, and being so far away is giving me anxiety, no matter how much I know Josh has everything under control. The second I step into their apartment, I’m looking for him. I barely make it into the living room before I see Josh has the two babies asleep on his chest while highlights from last night’s games play on the TV.

I know Jayden needs to sleep, but a hint of jealousy that he’ll sleep so easily for Josh courses through me. It makes the annoying, doubtful voice in my head pop up.

You’re replaceable.

He’s not that attached to you.

You’re going to fail at this.

No matter how hard my rational brain tries to fight the thoughts, they linger. It’s the same voice that told me I couldn’t raise Jayden on my own when I first saw him.

Liv makes her way towards Josh, kissing him on the cheek before she tries to take Cate from him, but he levels her with a look that has her smile growing and her taking a seat beside him.

“Daddy’s not ready to give up his princess?” she teases. There’s a warmth to her voice that tells me she loves that he wants to be close to her and spend all this time with Cate.

“No, I’m not. These two have been inseparable all morning. I could not take one of them into a room without the other. The only way they’d sleep was together, but Cate also wanted to be held, which is how I ended up here.”

Liv and I share a look. Our babies wanted to be close to each other. It’s like they can feel the familial connection without even knowing about it. There are big enough age gaps between Liv and me and Gianna and me that I was conscious of the fact I was getting baby sisters before they were even born. But these two seem to just know.

“I’m sorry if he was a hassle,” I say, and Josh shakes his head.

“No hassle. I’m glad Cate gets to grow up with the ability to be so close to her cousins, and to have the two of them so close in age, it will be wonderful to watch them grow up together.” There’s a softness to his voice, similar to what was in Liv’s. These two have always been family oriented. I’m not surprised one bit by how happy they are to be growing theirs or having their families so involved with Cate.

Needing to lighten the mood, I say, “Who knew Joshua Lincoln was such a softie.”

He stares lovingly at Liv. “Your sister brought it out of me.”

I hold back a groan. As much as I love that they found each other, seeing my best friend and my sister being sappy isn’t my favourite pastime. I leave them to gather all of Jayden’s toys and make sure his diaper bag is packed before returning to collect him off Josh’s chest.

“Thanks, guys. I should probably get this guy home,” I say and make my way towards the front door. Liv follows me, and I pull her in for a side hug and kiss the top of her head.

“Thanks for today, Matty. I’ll text you with the details of your date.”

“Thanks, Liv.”

Liv closes the door behind me as I make my way down to my car.

Luckily, Jayden sleeps the entire car ride home. Upstairs we get in some tummy time and a feeding before he’s out again. Just as he passes out, there’s a knock at the front door, and I quietly close my bedroom door and head to answer it. Checking the peephole, I can’t help my smile when I see Zoey standing on the other side.

I enthusiastically pull the door open as I say, “Hey, Zoey.”

She smiles up at me, and I take a step back, allowing her to come in.

“What brings you by?”

She holds up a bag, and I furrow my brows.

“What is it?”

She reaches inside and pulls out a plush hockey puck attached to string. “I saw these and thought they were the most adorable things ever and needed to grab them for Jayden,” she says excitedly.

I follow her to the couch, where she digs out a few more before making her way to the toy that hangs over the tummy time mat and secures them to the bottom of each line. She grins as she sits next to me.

“Now he can see something to remind him of his dad every time he lies there and looks up.”

I’m stunned into silence as I stare at her. The fact that Zoey was out and bought something so my son could have it to always remind him of me is everything.

She reaches forward and digs in the bag again. “Is he asleep? I have something else for him, but I’d love to be the one that gives it to him.”

“Yeah,” I barely squeak out, and she turns to look at me.

“Oh God, please tell me this is all okay. I didn’t overstep or anything, did I?”

I scoot closer to her and place a hand on her leg. “Zo, of course, this is all alright. I’d never say you can’t buy him thoughtful gifts. I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”

I stare at her, fully taking in the smattering of freckles that dust ever so slightly over her nose and cheeks. Her brown eyes are locked on me as her lashes flutter and lips part slightly. The next thought that passes through my mind is I wonder what her lips taste like. Her tongue slowly glides over her bottom lip, and I can’t help but wish it was my tongue instead.

As I feel myself beginning to lean in to give in to temptation, she clears her throat and her head snaps to the bag her hand is still inside of. She pulls out a blue stuffed elephant and turns so that her legs are now between us, creating more distance.

“I grabbed this for him, too. I had something similar when I was a kid and absolutely loved him, I thought Jayden might, too.”

I hold out a hand and ask, “May I?”

She nods and places the stuffed animal in my hand. He’s soft with flappy ears and nose. It looks like something Jayden will happily play with and probably stick in his slobbery mouth.

“He’s adorable,” I say, handing the stuffie back to her.

She smiles as she looks down at it, flopping his ears a few times.

“You’re welcome to stick around and wait for Jayden to wake up, if you want,” I say. “I’ve got to do some dishes, but you can chill and watch something.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Of course. One hundred percent.” I’m starting to ramble. I never get this way. I don’t get flustered around women, but I want her to stay. I want to be close to her, and something about her has me losing all my footing.

“That’d be great.”

I nod and hand her the remote before making my way to the kitchen. She puts on some home renovation show and provides commentary as I load the dishwasher and clean the counters. When I’m done, I quickly whip us up some food as the next episode comes on.

When I approach the couch with two bowls, she looks at me with a raised brow.

“KD with sausages,” I say, and excitement practically radiates off her. Her and Liv loved mac and cheese growing up, and it’s a food they still love to eat. I only really keep boxes of the stuff in the house for them.

I pass her the bowl, and she immediately adjusts herself, crossing her legs and getting comfy as she digs in.

As the TV shows the kitchen pre-renovation, Zo makes a face.

“What was that?” I ask.

“Hmmm, pardon?” she says as she takes a bite.

“You made a face.”

She looks at me and then back to the TV. “Oh, that kitchen, it’s hideous.”

I chuckle. “Okay, what did you hate about it?”

“Those cabinets were such an ugly colour, and don’t get me started on their lack of storage and all the appliances on the counter and their full outlets. Their countertops don’t match the rest of the kitchen, and the whole space just looks super cramped.”

I nod. “So, you like open kitchens with brighter colours and clear countertops?”

“Oh, one hundred percent. I like an open kitchen that encourages conversation. I don’t want to feel cramped in the space. Realistically, you spend so much time in that space, I don’t want to feel anxious about it.”

Her reasoning makes total sense, and I get what she means about the colour of that kitchen—definitely not appealing.

She points out a few more things she dislikes about the place pre-renovation and then oohs and awws about the finished product. The episodes roll into one another, and when Jayden starts to cry in the other room, Zoey is up and off the couch faster than me and making a beeline straight to my bedroom.

“Oh, is my Jaydie boo awake?” she coo’s as she approaches his crib.

His arms flail upwards as she leans over and reaches down for him.

She bounces him as she talks to him. “Did you have a good sleep?”

His sobs die down, and he settles for her.

She leans forward to put her mouth on his tummy, and her face pinches. “Oh, someone needs a diaper change,” she says.

I reach for him. “I’ve got it.”

She lets me take him and helps gather the necessary things while I get him settled on the change table.

“Did someone go poop?” I ask as I dance my fingers up his front and bop him on the nose, causing him to giggle before I undo his onesie.

Zoey and I work in perfect sync as I change him and she hands me things. We don’t have to say anything, anticipating the other person’s move and it feels so natural. I never thought I’d be standing over a dirty diaper thinking I love how effortlessly I move with someone, let alone Zoey.

When Jayden’s all cleaned up, Zoey takes him into the living room and I make him a bottle. His giggles fill the room as Zoey entertains him, and my heart feels as if it might explode in my chest. I can’t be feeling this way. I can’t be standing in my kitchen watching Zoey play with my son, wishing every day was like this, because that’s not realistic. She’s my sister’s best friend, but I also don’t want to bring her into some instant family. Jayden and I are just gaining our footing, and pulling Zoey into that full time is too much. She deserves better.

I finish the bottle and join them. Zoey feeds him while we settle back in and play the show. When he finishes his bottle, she shows him the stuffed elephant, and he’s immediately obsessed with it. I eventually order us pizza for dinner, and she helps me bathe Jayden before he settles in for the night.

I walk her to the front door, and all I want is to ask her to stay. “Thanks for the gifts for Jayden.”

She smiles at me. “Of course. Thanks for letting me hang out with the two of you today. I can only handle so much of being at Henry and Maggie’s.” She gives her head a little shake, and a stray piece of hair falls from her ponytail.

I step closer and tuck it behind her ear as I say, “You’re always welcome here, Zo.”

It feels like our breaths sync as our eyes lock. It’s like she’s pulling me in with just the soft look in them. I could get lost in them, watching as little flecks of gold appear depending on how the light hits them.

“Thanks,” she breathes out softly.

The urge to lean forward and dust my lips over hers is strong. It’s as if we’re magnets, and I’m struggling to fight her pull, but I do. I drop my hand and shove it into the pocket of my jeans, hoping that will stop me from touching her more.

Her chest deflates, and she looks down at the ground. I’ve seen that look of rejection before, and I hate more than anything that she looks like that because of me.

“Well, I should get going,” she says.

“Have a good night. Text me when you get home safe.”

She stares at me for a few extra seconds before she leaves my apartment, and I watch her until she’s out of sight.