Page 4

CHAPTER 4

Matt

T rying to find a date that works for my entire family, Zoey, and me is a pain in the ass. When I press the importance of dinner, we finally settle on Saturday.

Zoey is over every day for at least a couple of hours. I’m not sure how we both manage to go the whole week without seeing Liv, because that never happens. I’ve watched Zoey skirt Liv’s calls when she’s been over, and I’ve done the same, trying to keep all of our communication via text so I can hopefully not reveal anything until I can do it in person.

I’m a ball of nerves as I cook dinner. Finally, believing I have everything ready, I grab Jayden from Zoey. After I got the call from the lab on Sunday, I emailed my boss and took family leave, and I can take federal parental leave so Jayden and I can adjust to our new normal. I’ve picked up on some of his tells, like the way he squirms differently when he’s gassy and I need to help work the bubbles out before he starts screaming, and the look of concentration he makes before he poops. There is still so much more I need to learn, but knowing those two things no one else does makes me feel better about this situation.

A knock at the door has me on edge. There is no more planning or running through hypotheticals about telling my family. I’m doing this. Zoey’s eyes meet mine as she exhales slowly, and I follow her lead. I nod, and she moves to answer the door. Before pulling it open, she does one last check with me, and when I nod again she pulls it open.

“Zo?” Liv’s questioning voice comes from outside.

“Hey, Liv.”

They hug, and Zoey holds the door open for her and her husband Josh to come inside. Liv takes off her jacket and hangs it up, not even noticing me standing in the kitchen, but Josh does. I’ve never seen him as stunned as he looks right now with his jaw on the ground as he stares at me. Josh and I have been best friends since we were kids. We met in school and bonded and have never looked back. We played hockey together in school, attended Harvard together, play on the same rec hockey team, and now he’s married to my younger sister and the father of my adorable niece. All that to say, I’ve seen Josh in a lot of states, but nothing compares to this.

Liv looks at him and asks, “What’s wrong, babe?” She turns to look at me, and her jaw drops, too.

I smile at them, really out of my comfort zone right now. I guess I should at least be happy they’re the first ones here, because it’s going to be easier to tell them than my parents. I’m not sure how our younger sister Gianna is going to react, though.

“Hey,” I say, and they close their mouths, Liv opening and closing hers a few times, trying to gather herself.

“How about we take a seat,” Zoey says, helping usher them to the table and taking the car seat with Cate from Josh.

As soon as Liv’s ass hits the chair, it’s like she’s magically gathered herself. She looks between Zoey and I before she asks, “Why is there a baby here, and who does he belong to?”

Zoey and I exchange a look that Liv picks up and has her diving into even more questions. “When? How? Why didn’t you say anything? How long have you known?”

Zoey, knowing her best friend as well as I do, places a cup of water in front of her and a hand on her shoulder and says, “Breathe, Liv.”

Liv turns on her. “And when did you find out? Why did you know before me? Why didn’t you tell me? Is this the only secret you’re keeping from me, or are there more?”

Something about seeing Liv interrogate Zoey has me breaking my silence. “Zo only knows because she was here when I found out.”

She turns back to me so quickly I’m not sure how she doesn’t fall out of her chair. “Why was she here? Oh my God, have you two been secretly hooking up behind my back? I told you guys you have my permission, why wouldn’t you tell me?”

That’s news to me. I had no idea she had given us her blessing. I shake my head, because it doesn’t matter; we’re not hooking up. Zoey is more of a relationship girl, and I’m currently in a “having fun” state—or I was, until Jayden.

“Zoey had a bit too much at the bar, I picked her up and offered my couch for her to crash. She went to leave in the morning and Jayden was in a car seat outside my door with a diaper bag.”

Josh and Liv look stunned, more than they were first seeing me with Jayden. “You mean someone left a baby unattended outside your door in an apartment building where anyone could have taken him?” Josh asks.

I nod.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters as he rubs a hand down his face.

“Look, I know you want all the answers right now, but I’d really love to tell this story only once. Can we wait until Mom, Dad, and Gi get here?” I ask.

Liv’s eyes soften as she looks at me and nods. “Can you at least tell me this, is he yours?”

I look down at the small bundle in my arms and smile softly. Running my finger down his nose, I say, “Yeah, he’s mine.”

I pour Zoey a glass of wine and hand it to her before grabbing beers for myself and Josh and making a mocktail for Liv. She’s choosing not to drink while she’s breastfeeding. She wasn’t a huge drinker before, so it doesn’t seem to be the end of the world for her.

We settle at the table, and Josh, Liv, and I slip into talks of the NHL pre-season so far. Zoey’s not as big a fan of hockey as the three of us, but I know she’s enjoying the lull before the storm that will be this dinner.

When there’s another knock at the door, I hold my breath.

Liv reaches for my hand and squeezes it in the same way we’ve done for each other our entire lives. “I’m right here. Know that no matter what happens or how this goes down, I’m always in your corner.”

I squeeze her hand back and smile at Zoey, because she was right, I had nothing to fear when it came to telling Liv. My sister has always been the understanding type, and above all, she’s loyal and supportive.

Zoey reaches for Jayden, and I pass him to her and make my way to the front door, greeting my parents and sister. Mom immediately pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek, giving it a couple of taps before she walks past me and into my place. I hug my dad before moving to Gianna. With my arms wrapped around her, I whisper in her ear, “I’m sorry it had to be this way.” Pulling back, I give her a smile, and she gives me a quizzical look.

Stepping back inside, I move quickly to Zoey’s side, running my finger over Jayden’s nose again before taking him from her and standing in front of my parents.

“Mom. Dad. I’d like you to meet my son Jayden.”

The look of hurt that crosses Mom’s face as she clutches her chest and stares at me has me almost breaking. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do this. I understand Mom’s pain, I do, but I hope she understands mine, too. Having my son dropped on my doorstep was never my plan for building a family. I’ve always known that when I did decide to have kids, I wanted to be a part of the whole experience, the pregnancy, the planning, the birth. I’m hurt and angry I wasn’t given the chance to be a part of everything. I lost out on so much because Hazel never told me she was pregnant. I’m still trying to process that I missed out on all of it.

Dad helps lead Mom to the table, where she takes a seat beside Liv while Dad shakes Josh’s hand and kisses Liv’s cheek. Gi takes a seat beside Zoey, and we let the silence wrap around us, all of us knowing Mom needs to process this. After a few minutes, she seems to do that and wipes at a tear that’s started its way down her cheek. That tear is soul crushing.

She takes a deep breath and turns to me. “Okay, what happened, Matthew?”

My full name. Great.

I grip the back of my neck and settle into my chair. Mom watches Jayden as I tell them everything, every detail, so they have all the information. The more I tell them, the more tears build in Mom’s eyes. When Jayden starts to fuss, Zoey gets up and makes him a bottle. I take it from her with a smile and thanks and feed him as I finish the story. They all hang on to my every word, not wanting to miss a thing, and I can’t blame them.

When I’m finally done, Dad is the first to speak. “So, what’s your plan?”

Dad’s always been a pragmatist, making plans and trying to avoid anything that could go wrong.

Before I can say anything, Mom asks, “Can I hold him?”

I nod and pass her grandson to her. She stares down at him with so much love in her eyes.

“I’m going to start looking for a place to move. This works for now, but I know that very shortly, I’ll need more space and that means a house, probably. I’ve been saving, knowing it’s been in the plans, even if it wasn’t in the near future. I’ve looked into the daycare program at the office, and it’s good, so when I go back, I’ll be able to leave him there during the day. I’ve taken some time off to adjust to everything. I’ve been looking for a pediatrician so I can make sure he’s up to date on his vaccines. Beyond that, I’m not sure. It’s only been a few days, and thank God Zo’s been here, because she’s kept me sane,” I say.

Zoey gives my arm a squeeze. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’ve been doing a great job.”

Everyone looks at her, and her cheeks pinken.

“Thank you, Zo. For being there for Matt. I’m sure this was not on your plans for the week,” Mom says.

She nods. “I’m happy to help.”

We finally serve the food and settle in at the table, moving the conversation on to Liv and Josh’s anniversary and our Thanksgiving dinner plans. My parents always host, and we now do a joint dinner with the Lincolns, Liv’s in-laws, after she was so indecisive about how to spend the holiday. It’s a good thing our families were close when we were all growing up. Zoey, like usual, will be heading to her oldest brother’s house for their big dinner. I’m sad she won’t be doing dinner with us. She’s become my lifeline this week, and I’m not sure I can stay afloat without her for an entire day.

When we finish eating, Mom insists on getting to hold Jayden again, and no one has the heart to argue with her. I clear the table with Gi as everyone else joins Mom in the living room.

“So, you’re a dad now,” she says as she puts plates in the sink and starts rinsing them. She’s been quiet tonight, not saying much when we were talking about Jayden. Gi has only been home from finishing her degree at Stanford for four months. She’s changed a lot since she graduated from high school. She’s become more observant and less carefree than she was then, and I’m not sure it’s for the better.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” she says, and I stop what I’m doing and turn to face her.

“What do you mean?”

She looks at me over her shoulder and continues to rinse dishes and put them in the dishwasher. “I know this wasn’t what you wanted. I know, I know, you’ve always wanted kids. But you’ve always wanted them after you settled down. It’s the same as Liv and me. We had Mom and Dad to look up to, the Lincolns, too. I know you’ll be a great dad, though.”

She places the last plate in the dishwasher, and I wrap my arms around her. “Thanks, Gi. You know I love you, right? I never wanted to keep this from you guys. I just knew it would be easier for me to tell you all at once.”

Her arms wrap around me, and she holds me tight. “I know. I love you, too, Matty.”

I kiss the top of her head and step back to lean against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest and legs at the ankle.

“Okay, so tell me what’s going on with you. We haven’t had a ton of time to catch up since you’ve been back.”

She shrugs. “Not much. Can’t get up to too much while living at Mom and Dad’s.”

“What about Em?” I ask, referring to her best friend and Josh’s sister. “Have you been hanging out with her? Any news on the job hunt?”

She shakes her head. “No, Em’s been busy, and nothing for a job yet. I have a few applications out that seem to be making some progress, so hopefully soon.”

We move into the living room and join the rest of the family.

“He looks like you,” Mom says, staring at Jayden, who is now in Dad’s arms. I smile, because he does. Zoey has pointed out a couple of features this week, and every time she points out something new, it has my body filling with warmth, and I can’t stop smiling. Mom’s holding Cate now, and seeing the two babies together has an entirely different feeling rushing through me. A we’re all grown up feeling. It was one thing when just Liv had a kid, but now I do, too, and I’m sure Gi will eventually, as well.

The rest of the evening is a game of pass the babies, the two of them making it through all of us before Liv says they need to call it a night and settles Cate in the car seat and begins saying her goodbyes. Everyone else starts to pack up, too, and I meet them at the front door, exchanging hugs before watching them make their way to the elevator. When I turn around, I take in Zoey, who’s stuck around a little longer.

She fiddles with her hands in front of her. “I’m going to head, too. I’m so glad tonight went well.”

“Thanks for being here. I’m not sure I could have done it without you. And seriously, thank you for everything you’ve done this week. You were literally my saving grace in this disaster.”

We hug, and then she makes her way out to her car while I get my boy changed and settled in his crib for the night.