Page 39
I buried my face in my hands, needing a moment to compose myself.
He was right. On some level, I’d been afraid that if I showed them everything, if I asked them to adapt the way I needed them to, that it would prove to be too much.
That I would be too much. That they’d reject me, make me the outsider.
I was the outsider. Despite their disabilities, Creek and Bean fit in. I didn’t.
And how could I consider them my home if I never showed them all of me? God, my head hurt from all that thinking, but I had to figure this out. It mattered.
“If you’re not my home, then…” Then what was? Who was? Wasn’t there any place I felt truly at ease, anyone I could be wholly myself with? Wasn’t there anywhere I didn’t feel like an outsider?
It struck me as if someone had lit a light in a dark tunnel, as if the clouds that had covered the sun suddenly drifted away, revealing this brightness in all its glory.
How had I been this blind?
“I’m in love with Dayton,” I said slowly, my voice filled with wonder. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph… I’m in love with Dayton.”
When I looked up, I found Bean watching me with teary eyes while Creek was looking downright smug, the son of a bitch. “You knew,” I accused him. “You knew I was in love with him.”
Creek rolled his eyes. “Of course I did. We all did. We were just waiting for you to figure it out.”
Lord help me. Dayton was it. Dayton was my home. He was the only person I could be myself with, who accepted all my faults and shortcomings, all my limitations and sensitivities. Voice on or off, in English or ASL, he was there for me.
“I have to go.”
Creek and Bean shared a look, then laughed.
“Go,” Bean said. “He’s waiting for you.”
He was. And he probably had been for a while now. Because amid all the revelations that sparked inside me like fireworks lighting up the sky, I knew one thing with absolute certainty.
Dayton loved me too.
I drove on autopilot, as if in a dream. The traffic was as bad as always, but somehow, it didn’t matter because Dayton would be there. He always had been. I’d been pushing him away from the get-go, but he’d been like a rock, stable and unmoving.
Funnily enough, I wasn’t even nervous. I had nothing to stress about. I was about to tell the man I loved that he was my home, my everything, which was nothing to fear, only something to look forward to.
Because he loved me too. Now that my eyes had been opened, I could see it in a million different ways. Small things and big things. In his touch, his looks, his everything except his words.
He’d been waiting for me, and that thought filled me with such gratitude that it took my breath away. The patience of a saint, we’d said of Jarek. Well, Dayton had to rank right below Jarek then.
When he opened the door, he looked stunned to see me. “Tameron? Is everything okay?”
I simply stepped forward, curled my hands around his cheeks, and kissed him with all the pent-up emotion inside me. Our lips met, our tongues slid, and our mouths became one to the point where I wasn’t sure where I ended and he began.
And when I finally came up for breath, I looked deep into those warm brown eyes and said, “I love you. I’m sorry it took me this long to see it, but I’m so in love with you…”
His eyes widened, and then his face broke open in a smile so wide, it had to hurt. “Tam, sweetheart… I love you too.”
“I know.” Maybe not the most romantic answer, but whatever. It was the truth. “You’ve loved me for a while now.”
His eyes grew moist. “I have.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t see it.”
“You weren’t ready.”
Of course he would understand. He always had. “I wasn’t…but I am now.”
He slowly closed the front door, which had been open that whole time. “What happened?”
“Can we…?” I gestured at his bedroom.
“Yeah. Want something to drink?”
I shook my head. “No. Just want you.”
His eyes became wet all over again. “Sorry,” he said, wiping at them. “But I’ve waited a long time to hear you say these things, and now that you are, it’s kinda emotional.”
Obviously, I had to kiss him again, though this time, it was a much slower kiss, a gentle, tender one. It would be all too easy to keep kissing and let desire take over, but there were words that needed to be said. So reluctantly, I broke off the kiss.
We installed ourselves on his bed, facing each other. As much as I would love to be in his arms, it made it harder to hear him, so this would have to do.
“What happened?” he asked again.
“Creek is officially moving out today.”
His face softened. “I know. Nash texted me.”
Of course he had. “So you could check in on me?”
“Mmm, but I think he also wanted me to check in on him. It’s not easy for him either.”
No, it wouldn’t be. “You’re a good friend. You told me you were really good at being a friend, and you weren’t lying. But that’s not all you want to be to me.”
“No.”
I took both his hands, feeling a tenderness inside me unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I’d never thought of myself as sappy, but that was sure as fuck how I felt now. “I don’t wanna be just friends either. Or friends with benefits.”
He swallowed. “What do you want?”
“Everything…as long as it’s with you. It’s a long story, and I will tell you all about it some other time, but I had a revelation today, an epiphany.
I realized you’re my home. You’re the only one I can truly be myself with.
I never have to fear you rejecting me because you won’t.
You love me the way I am, with or without hearing, grumpy or not, with all my stubbornness. ”
My voice only wavered a little right near the end.
Even if I hadn’t known already, the way he looked at me now would’ve given his feelings away. I’d never seen such pure love in his eyes, which made me feel like the luckiest man on the planet.
“I do. You’re not perfect, Tam, but neither am I. We’re perfect for each other.”
I leaned my forehead against his. “We are. We really are.”
“I would’ve waited for you forever,” he whispered, melting my heart.
“Thank you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it worth the wait.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 39 (Reading here)
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