Page 10

I gave Rizz a scratch between his ears before pulling back. ‘Ball?’ I signed. He knew a few verbal commands but wasn’t great at following them.

He flew off the lounger and dove back into the bushes.

I waited, but when he didn’t return, I figured he’d gotten distracted by something and leaned back, kicking my feet up.

Dad took a lot longer than five minutes, but when he was done, he walked over and snagged his iced tea before plopping down beside me.

‘You have to stop drinking that garbage,’ I told him.

He gave me a shit-eating grin before taking a long drink. ‘Why are you here?’

‘Laundry.’

He burst into laughter. ‘Spoiled.’

‘She needs this,’ I insisted. ‘If I don’t let her do laundry, she’s going to come over and try to clean my kitchen, and she always rearranges.’

Dad snorted again, then set his cup down and signed.

‘Vee-vee!’ He pointed at the coop. Right at the edge of the fence, I could see his brown chicken with the biggest poof on her head digging at the ground with her feet.

After a second of fruitless effort, she clucked loudly and stormed off.

‘Victory!’ My dad waved his hands in an ASL applause.

‘You think it’ll hold?’

‘Maybe. At least we don’t have foxes here,’ he said. He kicked his feet up on the lounger and turned his body toward me. ‘How’s work?’

I shrugged. ‘Nothing new. The crew is taking a while to warm up to me. One guy almost came out to me, I think. He’s really nervous. He caught me and Tony flirting?—’

His eyes widened and he dropped his legs over the side of the chair. ‘Flirting? Interesting.’

I shook my head. ‘Not real flirting. He’s in a relationship. But Orrin,’ I fingerspelled his name carefully since it was a little on the unusual side, ‘thought we were making a joke out of it.’

Dad’s face fell. ‘You told him about you?’

‘I did. I told him that’s not how I’m going to run the station and that everyone will always feel welcome there. I think it helped, but he had a hard time growing up.’

‘Like you.’

A little like me. I’d had a brief stint as a theater kid, played cello for a few years, and even tried my hand at choir, but I was a low baritone who couldn’t hold a note for more than ten seconds, so it didn’t work out.

I’d been trying to find myself in high school, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that I hit my growth spurt during my sophomore year, it might have been a lot worse.

‘I just want my firefighters to feel good.’

‘They will. Be patient,’ he reminded me.

Sighing, I leaned back against the lounger and stared up at the sky. I could smell the ocean on the breeze and wished I was a little closer to the water. I could really do with a beach day soon.

“Ay,” Dad said aloud. I looked over at him as he waved his hand. ‘You seem upset.’

‘Not upset,’ I promised, and it wasn’t a lie. I wasn’t upset. But every time it got quiet, I thought about Tameron and the way he seemed to flip like a loose light switch. I’d swear we were making progress, and then suddenly, he’d accused me, once again, of something I hadn’t done.

I couldn’t understand why he was so eager to assume everyone was out to get him.

Or maybe it was just me. His ASL teacher had absolutely graded his assignment unfairly, although part of me wondered if maybe he didn’t fully understand what his professor was looking for.

If it was what Tameron said, it was too ambiguous.

But I also understood why his teacher got upset, especially if this Simon guy was Deaf.

‘Talk to me,’ Dad insisted.

I almost brushed him off, but then I realized the one person who might be able to understand better was my dad. I swung my legs down and leaned over my thighs. ‘Did you ever feel like you didn’t belong?’

‘Existentially?’ he fingerspelled.

I laughed. ‘No. In the Deaf community.’

His brows flew up. ‘Are you feeling insecure?—’

‘Not me.’ Not anymore. I was happy with my hearing ears and my Deaf heart, and I’d stopped giving a shit where other people thought I belonged. ‘I met someone recently who went deaf from an accident. Army,’ I clarified.

Dad winced. ‘Recent?’

‘A couple of years,’ I said. If he was level four with ASL, it had to be at least two, if not longer.

But I had a feeling his hearing loss was more progressive than all at once.

I didn’t know many veterans, but my dad had taught them for years when he was doing community center classes, and he’d talked about their struggles from time to time. ‘Do you know anyone named Simon?’

His brow furrowed, and then he shook his head. ‘You know me. Hermit.’

I rolled my eyes. He was one of the most social guys I knew. But I didn’t call him on it. ‘That’s his ASL teacher. He gave him an assignment to talk about language and failed him when he said he preferred spoken English.’

Dad made a noise of understanding. ‘That-that.’

“Would you have done the same thing?”

He shook his head. ‘Of course not. I wouldn’t even have that as an assignment. If he’s trying to teach Deaf culture’s relationship to ASL, that’s not a good way to do it.’

I felt a bit vindicated in what I’d said to Tameron.

‘He’s struggling because it’s hard for him.

He’s still recovering from his injury, and I don’t know if it’s more than hearing loss.

He’s struggling to learn the language because he doesn’t have any Deaf friends.

His roommates are learning with him, but it’s not the same. ’

Dad nodded. ‘He needs immersion.’

‘He doesn’t want immersion. I think he wants to know he can communicate, but he doesn’t want a new identity. Did you ever feel that way?’ My dad was born profoundly deaf, but he hadn’t been given the chance to identify himself as a Deaf man until he was in college and met my mom.

Dad smiled. ‘Yes. But I’ve always been profoundly deaf,’ he reminded me. ‘I never fit into the hearing world. When I went voice-off, it was a relief, not a chore. Tell him it’s okay if he doesn’t give up what he knows. He doesn’t need to sacrifice more than he already has.’

I bit my lip. ‘If I invited him over, would you tell him?’

Dad laughed. ‘Always. You know me. I always want more children.’

I grinned and felt a warmth course through me at the thought of Tameron being welcome here.

It was a ridiculous thought, of course. The man was bound and determined to hate my guts.

But maybe, if I was patient enough, I could soften him.

I could show him he could have the best of both worlds and not give up any part of who he was.

I’d just finished pouring a bowl of food for Knives when my phone buzzed three times in a row. I took my time putting the bag away and making sure she was content before grabbing it off the counter. I sat and got comfortable, and then I swiped open the screen.

Sorry for being a dick.

Nash is making me apologize.

But I am sorry. I was having a bad day.

I could tell. Water under the bridge.

Would I be a bigger asshole if I asked for ASL help?

I dropped my phone, laughing a little because I’d made a mental note to remind him I was still more than willing to help him with his assignment. I took a beat, then answered him.

When are you free?

Would you hate me if I said tonight? Uhh…because it’s due the day after tomorrow.

LMAO! Come over. I’ll ping you my address. Are you hungry? I have some stuff Nash brought me that your buddy Bean cooked.

I ate.

But thanks. See you in a bit.

I sent Tameron the location pin to my place, then stared at his name, wondering how often he had to remind himself not to be a total asshole when he was asking for favors.

I couldn’t really relate. I had plenty of bad moods, but I’d never been that guy.

I suppose that was my privilege though. I’d never been in the position he had been.

I’d seen people die, of course. I’d failed in rescue attempts.

I’d heard the devastating silence when the screams stopped.

Hell, I’d even pulled three babies out of the Safe Haven box and held them in the cold, sterile ER until a social worker came to take them. My life wasn’t all sunshine and roses. But I would never be able to relate to what Tameron had seen, and maybe that was okay.

He had his guys to commiserate with. But maybe he could use a friend who was different, and I wouldn’t mind at all if that’s the person I ended up being to him.

Even if, deep down, I wanted a little more.