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CHAPTER TEN

DAYTON

I rarely worried about my appearance when I was going in for a hookup.

A shower, some product to tame my hair, a tight shirt, and my best clubbing jeans usually did the trick.

I normally went commando with a condom in my pocket and a little packet of travel lube in case things took a different turn than I was expecting.

It was simple.

It was easy.

So I had no idea why I didn’t this time.

Or why I spent forty-five minutes fussing with myself.

By the time I was done, Tameron was already in my living room having a conversation with Dax, and I felt a little bit like a tool because I was the one who’d asked him to show up at nine, and now it was nine-thirty.

I was not the late guy. Ever. I expected a sour expression when I finally came out, but instead, his eyes went wide as he looked me up and down. He had Knives on his lap and she squirmed away from him when he gripped her a little too hard.

I ran my hand down my shirt. It was black and silky with a little embroidery. ‘Bad?’

“No,” Tameron said aloud, then glanced sideways at Dax before lifting his hand and pinching his first two fingers to his thumb. ‘No.’

‘Hot,’ Dax assured me.

‘True?’

Dax rolled his eyes and repeated the sign with a pointed expression. ‘Yes.Trust.You’ll do fine. Just don’t bring a hearie home. I don’t want to hear awkward conversation in the morning.’

Tameron waved his hand in the air and repeated Dax’s sign for listen—thumb at his eyes, first two fingers up and bent. ‘What is that?’

‘Deaf listen,’ Dax told him quickly. ‘Hear with our eyes.’

Tameron’s brows flew up, and I could see him mentally filing that one away. After a beat, he slapped his palms on his thighs and pushed to his feet, turning to Dax. ‘Text me later?’

Dax nodded and offered him a fist bump, which Tameron gave before turning toward me. I had about a thousand questions all at once, but the feeling in my chest was a good one. Were they becoming friends?

I knew Tameron would never fully embrace a Deaf identity, but I knew he would feel less alone if he had other friends who lived an experience closer to his own.

It was obvious his military buddies would always be family.

They would have a closeness most people would never experience, and I loved that for him.

But I also knew he felt isolated, even in his own home.

I made a mental note to invite Tameron over to one of my dad’s block parties the next time he threw one. But I’d give him that invite on a less awkward night. Shooting a wave to my brother, I turned away and grabbed my keys before following Tameron to the door to grab our shoes.

“Want me to follow you?” Tameron asked.

I shook my head. “Nah. I mean, unless you want to stay sober for the night.”

“Oh. Uh…” He bit his lip for a second. “I kind of thought I’d be your DD.”

“No, honey. I don’t drink and fuck. Not at a club, and not at my age.”

He rolled his eyes. “You and Nash both act like you’re two steps from the grave. But I’m not going to peer pressure you. Today was kind of a weird day, so I could use a beer or two.”

I ushered him out, burning to ask what happened but afraid he’d shut down again if I tried. We climbed into the car and I set the GPS for the parking garage near the club I liked. The silence between us when we hit the road was gentle and comfortable.

It was unexpected.

I glanced over at him a few times to find him relaxed with his gaze on the buildings ahead of us.

“Do you ever—” He stopped abruptly. “Never mind.”

Reaching up, I flipped on the low light that sat just under my sunglasses holder. It was dim enough that it didn’t reflect on the windshield, but it was bright enough that he’d be able to see my hands and lips. ‘Tell me,’ I signed.

He shot me a grateful smile, but it didn’t last. “I don’t want to offend you or make assumptions.”

“How about you try me?” I suggested.

He bit his lip, then nodded. “You’re really close with your family, right? You all have a really good relationship.”

“Yeah. They’re the best.”

“But you all…live in different worlds. Deaf and hearing. So even as much as they loved you, do you ever feel like…like you’re standing outside of them sometimes? Like there’s a wall between you that’s so clear you could run into it because you can’t see that it’s there, but when you do…it hurts?”

I let out a slow breath. He was touching on a trauma I had—a trauma that no amount of love and support from my parents or siblings could ever help. Because it was true. I would always be an outsider. I could have a Deaf heart, but the first label I was given by them was the “hearing one.”

It othered me. And it wasn’t out of malice, lack of caring, or anything like that. It just…was. It was something that could never be helped. It was a tiny wound that would always remain bleeding, though it wouldn’t kill me.

“Sorry,” Tameron said quickly. He must have read my face.

“No, honey. It’s just a tender spot for me.

My parents were great, but they had friends who weren’t.

I remember when I was like nine or ten, this lady came over.

She was a student-teacher doing her hours at my dad’s school.

She seemed nice enough, but when they weren’t looking, she came and told me, ‘I hope you realize you’ll never belong with us because you’re hearing.

’ I didn’t know what to say to that and didn’t tell my parents for weeks.

She came around often, and she’d always make little snide comments to me when they weren’t looking. ”

“Jesus,” Tameron breathed out. “Did you tell them?”

“My dad caught her one night,” I answered with a small laugh.

“I had never seen him so pissed off. He took her outside, and I have no idea what he said to her, but she never came around again. And when I went to visit him at work, she wasn’t there.

I felt kind of bad because opportunities for the Deaf, even in Deaf education, tend to go to hearing people.

But she was one of the first ones who really drove home that I was living in a world I didn’t fully belong in. That feeling never went away.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I know you’re on the other side of it,” I told him, turning my face as best I could so he didn’t miss a word.

“You were basically evicted from your world but then offered a chance to be a visitor. And even if you…I don’t know, get cochlear implants that work at a hundred percent, you’ll still be deaf. ”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “The guys forget a lot. I mean, of course they do. This is new for all of us. And I can’t really blame them.

Everyone in the house is dealing with a mountain of shit.

We were all injured in the same blast. We all have PTSD and night terrors, insomnia…

feeling like we don’t belong anywhere because the world moved on without us while we were deployed.

So I can’t expect them to prioritize communication.

But sometimes we’ll watch a movie and they’ll forget the captions.

Or they mumble or turn away from me. Or they talk to me even when they see my hearing aids are off. ”

I nodded. “That has to be painful.”

“I don’t know how to talk to them.”

“Start small,” I told him. The GPS chirped for me to take the exit, and I realized we were almost there.

A small part of me wanted to give up on the night and go out to dinner.

To continue our conversation because this seemed a lot better than trolling for dudes who would be nothing more than a moment in my life.

But I didn’t think he’d appreciate that.

“Easier said than done,” Tameron told me as I pulled onto 11 th .

“It always is, but you have a great group of guys there, and you should trust them to hear you out when you need them to. I mean, they are better at that than you are anyway.”

“I…did you just…?”

I grinned. “Too soon?”

He looked a little stunned, then burst into laughter, shaking his head. “You’re an ass.”

“But you kind of like me, don’t you?” I pressed.

His smile didn’t falter, but his laughter faded, and after a beat, he let out a breath. “I, uh…I think I do. Yeah. And I guess I owe you an apology for?—”

“Nope. Not tonight,” I interrupted. I turned the car toward the entrance of the garage and pushed the button for the ticket.

Five minutes later, we were in a spot, and I turned to him.

“Whatever shit was between us before, consider it done and forgiven. You’re dealing with a lot, Tameron.

It’s okay to be angry at the world or at strangers who are sticking their noses where they don’t belong. ”

He let out a breath. “Yeah. I was…insecure and angry. You were kind of a reminder that my life was different. But I’ve been working on it. And you’re right. I do need to stop assuming everyone hates me.”

“Or that you’re not a lovable guy,” I said.

His ears reddened in the dim light of the car. “If you say so.”

“I do.” I extended my hand to him, and when he gave me his, I held it gently—not a handshake, just a moment of comfort. “I really like our friendship, okay? I like you. So let’s get me laid so I can scratch this itch, and then we can return to our normal lives.”

“If that’s what you want,” he said. There was something…odd in his voice. Different. But I wasn’t about to read into it now. So I didn’t.

I let him go with a slow drag of fingers, then climbed out of the car and waited for him to join me. He was a warm weight against my side, a ballast, and while this was suddenly the last thing I wanted to do, I was oddly glad that the person there with me tonight was him.

He reached the curb, and for a moment, I thought everything was back to normal. Then he froze. In the dim parking lot lights, I could see his face was drained of color apart from two dark spots on the apples of his cheeks.

“Tameron?”