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CHAPTER FOURTEEN

DAYTON

Once again, I hadn’t seen Tameron at the gym.

But this time, it was different. His texts weren’t the same as before.

They were better. He asked me how my day was, how my shift was going, how I was feeling.

I felt a little braver earlier that week about asking him where he was, and his answer had been immediate:

Bad vertigo spells lately. My ENT thinks my hearing loss in one ear is getting worse and it’s screwing with my equilibrium. I have an appt for a new audiogram and then to see about getting my hearing aids adjusted to compensate. I’ll be back when I can do downward dog without falling over.

Do you want me to bring you soup?

I think I’m covered for now. Bean’s doing a bit more experimenting in the kitchen. But ask me in a few days? I’m not sure how many more bowls of Italian wedding soup I can stomach.

I sent him a few photos during the week of Knives being a scarf around my neck and a couple of the tiny pinpricks of red she left behind with her tiny knife claws. I got a few heart emoji in return, and I felt better.

No, not just better.

I felt settled. It was a strange sensation. I wasn’t used to it. I was a man of easy contentment, but I hadn’t realized how much I wanted someone in my life. Tameron was probably the last man I should go for.

He was uncertain, fickle, and still dealing with so much baggage that a relationship was the last thing he needed. And yet…

Here I was now. Tripping head over heels.

I wouldn’t pressure him though. I wasn’t going to bring it up. Whatever was going to happen would happen, and I needed to accept that. I would quietly pine away, take whatever he was willing to give me, and make sure my toys got a good workout whenever he wasn’t around.

Stretching my arms above my head, I went down into a forward fold. I was currently on my three days off from the station, and I was going to use that time by being at the gym as often as possible.

I needed to recenter myself as I waited for Tameron to make time for me…and to figure out what he wanted out of all of this.

“Am I early?”

I turned to see Barbara—one of my favorite students. She’d started in my chair yoga class after her hip surgery. Right now, she was in a bright-purple romper with the ends of her gray hair dyed to match.

“Yep, but feel free to set up. I’m trying to get a bit more limber so I don’t have to join you all yet.”

She laughed, patting my back as she walked behind me. “Oh, you have years yet, honey.” As I dropped back into my fold, I heard the chair scrape across the tiles. “How’s that brother of yours doing, by the way?”

I rolled my eyes since she couldn’t see me. All of my little old ladies loved Dax. And so did a few of my little old men. “He’s good. He’s been working a lot this week. Seems like everyone’s got something going wrong with their cars.”

“Isn’t that the truth? Last week, my dash started lighting up like the damn Rockefeller Christmas Tree.” I heard the gentle slap of her yoga mat against the floor as she flipped it open and dropped it. “I should have gone to him.”

“He wouldn’t say no to the business. He’s been trying to save up for a down payment on a boat,” I told her. The newest wild hair up his ass, but I wasn’t about to get in his way.

“Just give me his card. I wouldn’t mind hanging around that shop all day. If I were forty years younger…”

“Barbara! Don’t make me take you outside.”

She burst into a fit of giggles, but it slowed when the door opened and a few more of my students walked in. I said my quick hellos, then walked to the corner of the room to set up the music.

“Big crowd.”

My entire body went still. There wasn’t a chance in hell I wouldn’t recognize that voice. Turning my head, I saw Tameron hovering shyly in the doorway, leaning heavily on a walking cane. He was holding his body slightly to the side, which told me he was still dealing with vertigo.

I was more than familiar. My mom had it pretty badly, and there were days she couldn’t get out of bed.

“Hey.” I jerked my head for him to come in, and he took a few hesitant steps forward. “You feeling better?”

Pulling a face, he shrugged, and I could see the frustration hovering in his eyes. “Depends on what you’re comparing it to. I’m finally upright and can drive again, but I’m not totally steady on my feet once I get to walking.”

He was finally close enough to touch, but I didn’t dare. Not here. Not when there were eyes and ears everywhere.

“I got adjusted though.” He tapped the little box behind his ear. “It’s done wonders for the screaming locusts in my head.”

I offered him a sympathetic look before dipping around him to adjust the thermostat. I kept this class warmer than the others because their bodies needed the extra help with relaxation. “You want to stay?”

“What class is right now?” Tameron asked.

I forgot it wasn’t his normal day at the gym. “It’s my senior chair yoga.”

He bit his lip and watched the people set up.

“You’d be welcome, though I have to warn you, some of them are a little…forward,” I warned, leaning in close. Barbara had looked over and now had her eye on Tameron. I was more than prepared to tell her to back off.

She caught Tameron’s eye and winked, and he let out a startled laugh. “Oh.”

I turned my body toward his. ‘She’s really into my brother,’ I signed slowly.

Tameron choked a bit in the back of his throat. ‘Dax?’

I nodded my fist. ‘She’s trying to get his business card out of me so she can watch him work on her car all day.’

“Oh lord,” he whispered. “I might skip this class.”

“Probably a good idea. She means well, but you know…”

He made a face that told me that, yeah, he did. “So, I just came by to sign an accommodation request form, but now that you’re here…” He trailed off.

I reached out and gently brushed a touch over his arm. When he looked up, I signed, ‘Anything.’

He licked his lips, then swallowed heavily. “I think I’d like to officially take you up on your offer to meet your family soon. I mean…it’ll be good for me, right? Everyone is always saying immersion is the best way to learn.”

I chuckled. “That’s not exactly immersion, but yeah. It’ll be good. My dad’s spent years working with veterans who have hearing loss.”

His eyes widened. “He—oh. Did I know that?”

“Probably not,” I confessed. “I didn’t want you to think I was, like, proselytizing for the Deaf community.”

He opened his mouth, then shut it again. “Is he Deaf because he served too?”

“No, no. He was the first Deaf kid born to a hearing family. Typical story,” I said, waving my hand.

“Parents were told that ASL would stunt his intellectual growth, so he was shoved into a residential deaf school that only taught oral language and was forbidden from signing until he got to college. But my dad’s a lot like me. ”

“Stubborn as fuck?”

I burst into laughter. “Exactly. He started learning from books in secret and then taking classes at the community center when he got older. He was accepted into Gallaudet, where he met my mom and…well, the rest is history. But he understands what it’s like to straddle two worlds.

He made a choice between them, and he’s happy with it, but he knows that’s not for everyone. ”

“It sounds like maybe he was the best dad for you.”

I couldn’t argue with that. There would always be the inherent trauma of being born into a culture that would never fully belong to me.

No matter how hard my parents worked to make me feel included, I had to accept the truth that I didn’t totally belong.

That I would always be different. That deep down, they would have preferred me to be like my brother, even if they loved me exactly the way I was.

But it could have been so much worse. I’d seen it be worse.

“I think you’ll have a good time. And it won’t be as intense as a Deaf event,” I told him.

He paled a bit. “We have an assignment—ah—to attend one near the end of the semester.”

Leaning in again, I put my hand on his arm. “I’ll find you a good one. Maybe an adult-only, queer Deaf cabaret show?”

The tips of his ears pinked. “They have those?”

“They have just about anything you can think of. Don’t panic. Now, if you’re not going to join, you’ll have to get out. I can already see from Barbara’s face that she’s getting ideas, and rumors are going to spread if we’re not careful.”

“Oh.” His gaze darted toward her, then back to me. “Well. That wouldn’t be the worst workplace rumor. Would it?” There was a hint of vulnerability in his voice that I couldn’t pretend not to hear.

But I let it slide.

“There have been worse ones. Like once when I sat in chocolate and didn’t realize it until after my class was over.”

He slapped a hand over his mouth to hide his laugh. “Oh my god.”

“That one followed me to the station,” I told him with a grimace. “Anyway, see you soon?”

“Text me tonight,” he said.

My heart did a little kick-flip as I nodded and then watched him walk out. I stood in a daze until someone cleared their throat, and I turned to see Barbara smiling at me.

“Not a word, Babs.”

She made a zipper motion over her lips. I didn’t trust her, but like Tameron said, a rumor about us wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Right?

Standing in front of my parents, I folded my arms over my chest, my expression stern. Dax was in his usual spot in the corner of the L-shaped couch, trying and failing to hide a smile. He wasn’t part of this though. He knew how to behave.

Mostly.

‘Calm down,’ my mom signed. ‘You’re not going to war.’

‘That,’ I signed almost frantically. ‘You can’t make that joke in front of him. He went to war. It’s not funny.’

Her face fell and she glanced at my dad before looking back at me. ‘You’re dating a veteran?’

‘We’re not dating?—’

‘Bullshit!’ my brother signed, vocalizing loudly to catch my attention.

‘We’re not dating,’ I repeated, giving him a hard stare. ‘We’re…exploring.’

My dad choked on a laugh, and my glare turned to him. ‘Sorry, sorry.’