Page 96 of Swords of Soul and Shadow (Gate Chronicles #3)

“I don’t give a stars-blasted crap what the Stradat Lord Kapitan thinks. Tell him what you want.”

She tugged out of his arms and sat heavily onto his cot, trembling harder with every sob. She hid her face in her hands. She couldn’t get the crying to stop now that it was finally here. The cork keeping her emotions bottled up had finally popped, and she couldn’t get the flood under control.

It was as if the last few weeks had finally caught up with her—the kidnapping and torture in Achilles, the Essence power, Ravenhelm, Myrrai, Filip, Niels, the fight with Kase, her parents wanting her to go home with them, the failed lessons, and now this.

She was only one person. She was only twenty-one.

At her age, she wasn’t supposed to do anything but live a happy life, finish University, get married, have a family, whatever she wanted. She wasn’t supposed to save the world.

Despite her childish dreams, she’d never wanted to be the heroine.

Kase sat and wrapped his arms around her. He guided her head to his chest and held it there with the most tender touch. She hugged him back, hysteria wracking her chest with aching heat. Every time she felt herself calming down, a new wave of anguish rolled over her. Kase never let her go.

Would she even get to say goodbye? Or would she simply cease to be?

They held each other for stars-knew how long, Kase scratching her back softly and simply letting her cry.

When she’d finally cried herself out to the point where she could breathe almost normally, Kase kissed the top of her head.

He shifted himself out of her grip and helped her lay down.

He untangled the blanket and drew it all the way to her chin.

He unfolded his jacket and laid that on top for good measure.

It was all so warm and smelled exactly like him. He smoothed back her hair.

“Rest here.” He grabbed the journal from where it’d fallen and placed it near her head. “Feel free to read more. I’ll bring back some food, and we can talk. All right?”

Hallie could only sniffle in response. She didn’t want him to leave, but she also wanted to be alone so she could work out her thoughts. His white linen shirt was stained gray on half his chest, roughly in the shape of her face. She felt a little bad about that.

He rummaged in his pack for two more. He laid one on top of his jacket. “For you, if you want it.”

He turned away, the other in his hand. “Don’t be ogling, now.”

He then tugged his shirt off over top his head. Hallie was only able to glimpse the muscles of his upper back bunching up for a second as well as the dragon tattoo he’d begrudgingly told her about before he tugged on the new shirt. It really did look like a tortured worm.

She hiccupped—then nearly died of embarrassment as he looked over his shoulder with that stupid smirk while pulling the hem down and straightening the collar. He buttoned up two of the four buttons at the top near his neck.

He threw his old shirt at his pack and squatted down next to Hallie. He leaned over and kissed the spot just above her ear. “I’ll be back.”

Hallie briefly wondered just how long he’d be gone and just how long Jove had needed to stall.

The guilt ate away at her conscience. She might be the reason his father lost his temper yet again.

She wondered if Saldr would be there, if he would tell them all how she’d failed and that they were all doomed and…

Before she allowed her mind to wander any further down that road, she pushed herself up and changed out of her dirty lace blouse. The thing was covered in spare Vasa she’d failed to light and streaks of dirt and trails of damp where she’d wiped her eyes.

She shrugged out of it and tugged on Kase’s shirt.

It was soft and a little too big. She buttoned all four buttons and rolled up the sleeves, the neckline dipping below the space between her collarbones.

It was almost like she was back in that cave in the Nardens after the avalanche.

Her mother would have a fit if she saw her wearing it.

Her heart leapt a little as she flicked off the lantern, settled herself back down onto his cot, the blanket and jacket pulled up to her chin.

They’d been through a lot the last few months—the last year, really—and to think that they’d started out hating each other was a little crazy to think about. How had he gone from rude bookshop patron to the man she loved so much she would die just to give him the chance to be happy?

She tucked herself further into the cocoon of his scent, thinking of anything but the grim future ahead of them. If she could just freeze time here, she might be content forever.

Hallie must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew, she woke to the back of Kase’s head and the sound of pencil on parchment. He’d relit the lantern, its dim light gently illuminating his features.

Her eyes ached from her earlier crying. She rubbed them. It didn’t help. Probably only made them look more swollen.

“You snore a little, you know?” Kase said, not turning. He sat with his back leaning on the edge of the cot, one knee propped up as he bent close to the journal atop it. “I’ve never heard a hibernating baby bear, but I’d wager you could compete.”

Hallie slowly pushed herself up onto her elbow. It was more difficult than she cared to admit. All that crying and her nap had taken too much out of her; her body must’ve weighed a thousand pounds. She sniffled a little. “You know, I could hear you all the way from our room on the Eudora .”

Kase’s pencil froze over the parchment. He’d been sketching what Hallie figured was a hover, but it needed a better shape to the nose, and the wing was way off. He grunted, “Wasn’t me.”

“No?” Hallie asked, sitting up completely and arranging herself so she could look over his shoulder better. She reached over and pointed to the lines that weren’t right. “Keep your wrist straight. Use your whole arm. It’ll help with the lines.”

“It was Skibs, actually,” he said, trying and failing to follow Hallie’s advice.

His attempt at smoothing out the bottom of the hover made it look like it tapered to a point.

He tried again. This time he went too wide.

“Kept me up all hours. Probably why I wasn’t my usual perky self while we were on the mission. ”

“You? Perky?”

Kase held out his sketch and rotated it to the right. “How much would I have to pay you to fix this one for me?”

“At least a dozen gold tenners,” Hallie said, pushing off his jacket and the blanket she’d slept under. She stretched until her back popped. Instant relief flooded through her.

He stuffed his pencil inside the book and pushed the whole thing into the pack under his bed. “Maybe later then. I’m out of gold.”

He reached up behind him and grabbed her arm, pulling it down to press a soft kiss to the inside of her wrist. She couldn’t help the voluntary shiver. Kase kissed it again. “Want something to eat?”

He let go of her wrist and grabbed a wrapped cloth bundle she hadn’t noticed on the ground and handed it to her. “I was able to wrangle you a sandwich and was told explicitly by your mother that you were to be back at their tent before nightfall.”

“Course you were.”

He leaned on his elbow, his head resting on his fist. He laid his other hand on her closest knee and rubbed circles with his thumb. “That shirt looks nice on you, but I can’t tell if it’s the shirt itself or because it’s mine and you’re wearing it.”

Her mouth went dry, and she couldn’t think of a response. At all. Not even a sarcastic one.

Kase’s slow grin told her everything she needed to know.

He was quite aware of the effect he had on her.

Blasted pilot with his perfect lips and jawline and sparkling blue eyes.

He didn’t stop tracing patterns on her knee, and she found it horribly difficult to concentrate on the roasted chicken sandwich she’d unwrapped. She took a bite to distract herself.

As if ignoring him had ever worked.

After weeks of subpar food, the richness of the sandwich nearly made her sick.

The chicken was shredded and lukewarm, the bread slightly stale, but some sort of soft cheese was smeared on the bread’s inside, and in that moment, it tasted like the best meal she’d ever had.

She let out a soft moan. She couldn’t help it.

“Glad you like it. Had to sell my soul to get it, but only the best for you, of course.” He snagged a piece of chicken that had fallen out and popped it into his mouth.

“Added a pinch of cinnamon. If I’d been able to toast the bread first, you would’ve thought this a gourmet meal, but just sneaking some cinnamon was a risk, and I value my head. ”

Hallie swallowed her bite. “Cinnamon?”

Now that she thought about it, there was a hint of sweet woodiness. It was a nice touch.

Kase snuck another piece. “A surprisingly good way to finish off many a dish.”

Hallie took another few bites, savoring each one. Kase unscrewed the cap on his canteen and handed it to her. She washed down the food and set aside the rest of the sandwich. “Not sure I can finish it. Stomach’s not used to it.”

Kase scooped it up and took a bite. He nodded. “Delicious, but I’ll pass the tip about the cinnamon along to your mother. Can’t believe she didn’t think of it first.”

Hallie tilted her head slightly, the fingers twisting the cap back onto the canteen pausing for a moment. “You think it’s wise to give my mother cooking advice?”

“Probably not.” Kase let out a low laugh.

He took another bite and then lowered the sandwich. A few stray breadcrumbs clung to his beard. Without thinking, Hallie reached over and brushed them off, her fingertips lingering a beat too long. The coarse hair tickled her skin.

He swallowed his food and caught her hand before she could take it back. “I love you.”

Stars, she’d thought she’d cried herself out, but the stinging of her too-dry eyes proved otherwise. “I love you, too.”