Page 36 of Swords of Soul and Shadow (Gate Chronicles #3)

All she could do was stare at them and wish it were months ago. She’d lived an eternity in the interim, and everything was only going to get worse.

And yet, here she was, bringing a shaking hand to her cold lips.

Niels had kissed her.

Dread filled her stomach.

But not for the reason she would’ve thought.

She’d felt…nothing. No spark. No forgotten desire.

There had been a small part of her worried that she might feel something more.

They had a past, after all. Once upon a time, they’d wanted to marry.

But if the last few months felt like a lifetime, then that time in Hallie’s life had been eons ago.

She’d grown up. She’d realized her worth, her passion. And now she knew for certain that Niels could only offer something adequate, not something extraordinary. If she went back to him, she would be settling.

The relief was mixed with sadness.

She would have to break his heart. Again.

It was odd. She didn’t know what she had expected. She’d spent years running from her feelings, hiding behind the walls of the University and her studies to avoid thinking about the things she’d left unsaid, about the perfectly good life she’d left behind.

But the longer she’d been away, she’d realized that that life was no longer what she wanted. There was so much more she could do in the world. Hallie no longer wanted the safe life, the one where she knew what lay around the next bend.

She wielded an Essence power, and that dictated unpredictability. While Kase was nowhere near perfect, he was the rock that held her steady. He might be rough around the edges, but that was what she needed.

Pulling his pilot goggles from her pocket, she ran her thumb over the frames, her lips tugging into a sad smile.

Hallie didn’t believe in soulmates. The impossibility of it was too much, and life was too disorganized for something like that. Choosing someone every day, no matter their flaws—that was true love.

Even so, with Kase, it almost felt like fate.

She rubbed her thumb across the goggle lens again.

If she could only see him once more, she’d tell him she loved him, tell him that she would always love him, and maybe…

just maybe, she did believe in soulmates, even if her logical side said it was improbable. With Kase, everything just felt right.

But how could she explain that to Niels in a way that didn’t shatter him? He’d lost his entire family and had come on this adventure to keep a promise to her father.

Then again, it was clear now he’d also made that choice for his own reasons.

She couldn’t help resenting him a little for the timing, of all things. She had the world on her shoulders, and now she had to figure out how to let him down gently—especially after she’d just run away from him again. At least she hadn’t run halfway across the country this time.

No, he was an adult. He knew she and Kase were together now. This was his own fault. She hadn’t given him any indication that she would’ve been receptive to a kiss…had she?

She rubbed her eyes. This is why she’d avoided any entanglements after entering the University. They only distracted her from the real task at hand.

Her power. She needed to focus on that. She could figure out Niels later.

Stepping up to the bookshelf, she picked up some of the scattered tomes, straightening them and setting them to rights, She ran her fingers across the spines.

They were cold, but the embossed words welcomed her touch.

In her mind, she could hear Kase’s voice as he read from the only one written in Common—the biography of a dragonar tamer.

She pulled that book from the shelf and sat on the sofa. It was a soft comfort in such a place.

One thing that would never change about her: she never could resist a book. Simply holding it calmed her anxious spirit. What she wouldn’t give to be back in that time, Kase beside her.

Would she make the same choices if given the chance to relive those days? Would she still end up back here, alone?

Would she still choose to take on this power, knowing what it would cost her?

If she could control time, she was indeed the most powerful Essence of them all. Correa would never let her go, and she could understand why. But what did her power have to do with Jagamot? And what did it have to do with the legend of the two swords?

Navara was supposed to take the power from the Lord Elder. She’d been chosen to do so, but she’d run from her responsibility. She’d fallen in love and married on the complete other side of the world…and then her son had gotten the Fogs.

Maybe there were more answers in the journal, and she just hadn’t found them yet. It seemed the least Navara owed her.

Setting aside the dragonar book, Hallie pulled out the last journal and opened to the page where she’d pressed her bloodied hand to find it…empty.

Empty.

No blood. No ink.

“What in the blazes…” she whispered under her breath. She nearly ripped the page trying to turn it. The next was full of her great grandmother’s muddled Yalven.

The back of her head ached. She was missing something. Words didn’t just get up and walk away.

Unless something had un written them.

Hallie flipped through the journal quickly.

Nothing she could translate on the spot said anything about using Essence power.

But Navara was Yalven. Saldr wasn’t an Essence, yet he could do certain things with that dust, the Vasa.

He could pop in and out of existence, transporting himself when needed.

It was like he bent time in those moments, not that Hallie quite understood the science or magic behind that.

Maybe Navara could do something similar? Maybe she could manipulate…

Wait.

Hallie walked over to the window with Firstmoon’s light starting to poke through. If she held the book at an angle…

A soft sparkling poured across the pages, revealed by the light.

Zuprium. It had to be. Navara had lived in a mining village. The dust would’ve been everywhere.

And the Yalvs used the metal to heal, fight, and more.

Navara had mixed Zuprium dust with the ink to write her journals, or at least part of them. A smile played across Hallie’s lips. She could use this.

She unwrapped her hand, gritting her teeth against the pain of ripping the bandage off, some of the scab coming off with it. She pressed her fingers around the reopened cut and coaxed blood to the surface.

Once she had enough blood pooling in the creases of her palm, she turned to the next page and pressed her hand to it.

Within seconds, the chamber in Myrrai disappeared, replaced by impenetrable darkness. It was silent for a beat before the previous voices returned.

Quiet sobs rang through the void. “I can’t. I can’t do it. If only there is another way to…there has to be…I need Raern to fix him.” The woman’s voice.

The male one responded, “You left your people, and you did everything you could for Jack. Adrienne will need you to help with the birth. Jack said they’re going to name him Stowe if he’s a boy, and Ara after you if she’s a girl.”

“The Passage has to open again.”

“There is no cure for the Fogs. I’ve accepted it, and Jack has too.”

The ground shook, rocketing Hallie back to reality. The newly replaced books clamored, bumped, and fell off the shelves. Her bones rattled. She slammed the diary shut and stuffed it back into her satchel. Out the window, black smoke rose from the lower part of the city.

Another earthquake. This one was probably aftershock, but it felt just as powerful as the previous. It reminded her of when she’d been in the forest with Kase and they’d stumbled across a dragon.

But it was the smoke that gave her pause. She squinted. It wasn’t really moving like smoke. It floated in the air lazily, but it didn’t dissipate. It reached a certain height and then just…floated, the wind making it wave like tree branches.

Something was very wrong.

Stuffing the book in her pack as well, she left the chamber. She’d come to Myrrai to find answers, and while not ideal, her answers were now going to come in the form of a sword and the King of Cerulene.