Page 108 of Swords of Soul and Shadow (Gate Chronicles #3)

Before Hallie could respond, her parents walked toward the entrance. Her mother glared at Kase as she passed but held her tongue. Her father placed his hand along his wife’s back. “We’ll just be outside.”

Hallie turned her eyes back to Kase once her parents’ silhouettes appeared outside of her little cell.

It was kind of nice to be given one of the more private ones, even if it meant the medics were unsure if her recovery was certain.

She pushed herself up further, grimacing at the pain, and ran a hand over her hair.

She must’ve looked a fright and was slightly embarrassed Kase had to see her in this state, but the look on his face drove away any of that.

“Saldr says Skibs is going to be okay,” he said quietly as he sat on a crate that had been placed in there as a makeshift seat. He pulled it close to her cot, setting his hands on the blanket, hands folded as if in prayer. There wasn’t a whole lot of room in her cell.

Hesitantly, she placed her hand over his. A little bit of warmth flushed over her at the touch. “That’s good.”

Kase didn’t say anything, only took her hand and rubbed a thumb over her knuckles. He hid his face with his other hand. Her parents’ shadows withdrew a little more.

“Why did you do that?” he asked, voice muffled in his palm.

Hallie tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

He looked at her then, his eyes dark. “Why would you risk yourself for him?”

Hallie opened her mouth and closed it again. She’d thought it obvious. Of course, she hadn’t meant to overexert herself and lose control. It was just further proof the pilot goggles were not her Relic. “I couldn’t let him die. Not even after everything he’s done.”

Kase clenched his jaw and looked down at their hands.

“Thank you.” He took a breath and then said, “After what he did at Myrrai and what he did here, I didn’t think I wanted him to survive, but now that he has, I…

just thank you.” He then took Hallie’s face in his hands.

“But if you ever do anything like that again, I will never forgive you.”

Ouch.

She pulled back, and his hands fell away. She shook her head. Her headache was abating, but it still twinged a little at the motion. “Without me, he would’ve died.”

“Yes, but…” He buried his face in his hands again. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. When you wouldn’t wake up, I thought…”

Chest aching, she reached out again, holding his wrists. “Kase.”

He looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and miserable. He took his wrists away only to reach out and pin her hands between his instead. “Don’t combine the Essences, Hals. Do what Saldr wants. Just stay with me, okay? Whatever happens, we’ll be together. I know it.”

She shook her head again. “You can’t know that. You can’t know anything about that.”

“I do,” he whispered. He released her to put a hand on his heart. “I feel it in here.”

“It doesn’t matter how badly I want to believe you. That’s not a risk I want to take. Too many things could go wrong—not just never finding you,” she said quietly.

What if resetting time only made it worse? What if she did it wrong?

“As if your way will work the way you want it to! Saldr said the prophecies or whatever were inconclusive. What if sacrificing yourself isn’t the solution, and without your power, everyone dies?”

Her cheeks flushed. When he put it like that, maybe she was being selfish and childish.

Of course that could happen. But something told her that her way was the right choice.

She couldn’t explain it. She couldn’t make Kase understand the bone-deep feeling she had that if she followed through with her plan, everything would be okay.

She just wouldn’t be a part of whatever future came after.

Her eyes burned. She looked anywhere but at him, tracing the gray veins on the rock ceiling above with her gaze to keep the tears at bay.

Her mother would have to mourn a second child, but she would learn what Hallie had: that while the puzzle would always be incomplete, there was beauty in the missing pieces. Kase would learn that too. He’d already begun to.

“I know it’s the right thing to do,” Hallie whispered. “I need to find the second Gate and restore the sword. All the Essence powers must return to the Gates. Otherwise, Jagamot will destroy the world.” She tied her fingers into a knot in her lap. “I don’t have a choice.”

She wanted to say more, but she didn’t know if she could find the words to express what she was really feeling—the depth of the emotions coursing through her, the urgency dogging her to keep moving toward her goal.

While she hated that it had taken Ben nearly dying for her power to resurface, its low heat still bubbled in her core alongside the bone-deep ache. She could feel it again, and she was afraid if she didn’t find the sword soon, it would disappear.

Kase sat back, fiddling with the ring on his little finger. Ana’s ring—a piece of his past he never let go of. Hallie unconsciously grabbed at her neckline for the pocket watch that no longer rested there and hadn’t for months now. If she’d had it, maybe she wouldn’t have nearly died saving Ben.

Kase had been amazing in the fight, as had Merlin.

They’d taken down a dragon. That thought still seemed unbelievable.

Say what you would about the Cerl technology, but the way the machine responded to Kase’s mere thoughts was a phenomenon, something Hallie wished she had more time to study.

But even if she’d had all the time in the world, she couldn’t have asked him to keep using the hover more than necessary.

That technology had led to his uncle’s death.

His father was right—it was too dangerous.

Slowly, Kase took Hallie’s hand again, loosely twining their fingers against the roughspun brown coverlet. He rubbed a thumb across her knuckles. “Hals…I…”

She chewed on the inside of her lip. She couldn’t interpret his hesitation. Was he finally coming around to her plan? Would he allow her to save him?

“I’ve been thinking about something for a while now, and when I couldn’t…uh, couldn’t wake you up after Skibs fell…” His voice cracked; he paused to compose himself. “I was terrified the Soul Tech had done something. Interacted badly with your power or some other awful thing.”

She could only imagine what he’d felt in that moment. She didn’t know what she would have done if the roles had been reversed.

He played with each of her fingers as if trying to figure out just what else he wanted to say. His stare went glassy, distant. Haunted.

She had seen him vulnerable before—specifically in the hours after Zeke’s death and then again in the dungeon, when he’d admitted to starting the Kyvena fire.

But this…this was different. Vulnerable wasn’t the right word.

It was as if she was getting a glimpse of his very soul, deep and dark and bright all at once.

“It was my fault.” She clung to his hand. “I lost control. Stop blaming yourself.”

“You wouldn’t have had to use your power if I’d been looking out for Skibs. I didn’t see him and that dragon until it was too late.”

“We wouldn’t have been in the hover if I hadn’t wanted to study it.”

“I convinced you to come.”

Hallie squeezed his hand softly. “If this is a contest of who’s most at fault, I’d say we both win.” She tried to smile, but he didn’t return it. They’d both made mistakes, but if they were to keep score, they would only devolve into a pile of messy memories and regret. They had to move forward.

“I would’ve been in here when you woke if the Stradat Lord Kapitan hadn’t come in and…

well, you must’ve heard.” He rubbed a hand down his face.

“I ran you straight to the hospital ward, and they got Saldr, and the face he made when he saw...” His voice broke again on the last few words.

“Stars, I thought I’d lost you. I never want to feel that way again, Hallie. ”

Her heart broke. While he might’ve been blaming himself, she was the one who chose to use her power. She was the one to lose control.

Yet, Ben would’ve died without her intervention. If he had, they would’ve lost the Essence power he possessed. Then Hallie would’ve been forced to reset the Gate and leave everything up to chance.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered again, helpless. She couldn’t change what had happened. She couldn’t fix how she’d frightened him.

Kase leaned forward on his free hand, his scent floating in the air between them. He still hadn’t shaved properly, and his short beard had filled in even more. She resisted the urge to run her fingers along his jawline.

He spoke to their joined hands. “I know that we still have things to work through, even without the world falling apart.” He rubbed her knuckles again. “I know I’m not going to convince you to reset the Gate instead of using the swords. You’re too stubborn.”

Her heart skittered at his touch. Where was he going with this?

“But if we do only have weeks, days, or even hours left, I want to— need to—spend every single last second with you.”

So far, she didn’t see any reason to argue. “I think my mother might have something to say about—”

“Let me finish.” He brought her captured hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, making her shiver. He met her gaze over their hands and said, low and husky, “Marry me, Hals. Right here. Right now.”

Her eyes stung as air whooshed into her lungs.

Letting go of her hand, Kase pulled Ana’s ring off his little finger and held it out to her.

The impossibility hit her like a raging storm.

The emotions crowded in her chest, filling it to the brim.

Her power added its heat. She brought a shaking hand to her mouth.

He wanted to marry her. A soft buzzing started in her ears, and her heart did a few funny flips in her chest.

The ring hadn’t changed since she’d last inspected it, that day that felt like an eternity ago, the day the Cerls had kidnapped her.

The Zuprium band was thin and dainty, its edges carved into miniature vines leading to a trio of roses, tiny Zuprium crystal chips—not diamonds, she realized—sparkling in the dim lantern light. Breathtaking.

Kase waited with his hand outstretched, the ring held before him between his index and thumb. “Please,” he added, his strained, crooked grin melting her heart into a puddle.

When she was a little girl, she’d dreamed of the day a man would ask for her hand.

For all their faults, she’d admired her parents and the relationship they had.

They’d been a glowing example of what she herself had wanted.

When she’d fallen for Niels, she’d thought she’d live out her life as a miner’s wife, running the inn and whiling away in a small mountain town, content—but then Jack had died.

Once she’d left for the capital, she’d never thought she’d find the sort of love one needed to marry someone.

The University had given her purpose again, and she’d planned on teaching.

That new dream hadn’t left much room for romance, and she hadn’t sought it out.

She’d had a plan, and she’d thought she was content once more.

But then a cocky, stars-blasted pilot swept into her life like a maelstrom. She hadn’t known love, true love, felt like soft, messy curls, tasted like caramel sweets, rustled like book pages, and smelled like wood smoke and leather.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, heavy and burning. She wanted to say yes so badly it physically hurt…but the reality was, Hallie was going to die. The world would end without her sacrifice.

She swiped at her eyes. “I can’t.” She looked down at the cot to avoid his gaze; if she saw the hurt and rejection well in his eyes, she’d break.

“Why not?”

Hallie could tell how carefully he was holding his emotions in check. He still hadn’t let the hand with the ring drop. She shook her head. “With everything going on, it’d be selfish.”

“I disagree.”

“I don’t want to marry you only because the world is ending.” She finally looked up, and just like she’d feared, the hurt evident in his eyes crushed her. They loved each other. Kase had told her that she was his fate. And now she’d…what was she doing?

No, she couldn’t take it back. Not now. Not yet. She wished she could give in to the desire and heat and everything, but the logical part of her brain wouldn’t let her.

“I want to marry you because it’s what we really want, not just as a last hurrah.”

“I’m not asking because everything’s falling apart.

” Kase took her hand again. She hadn’t realized he’d let it go.

Hallie could tell he was trying to keep himself calm, but the faint tremors in his fingers belied his emotions no matter how much he tried to hide it.

“I know what I want. I’ve known for a while. I’m asking if you want it, too.”

Just say yes. Just say yes and be happy. Just say yes and love him.

But she couldn’t, and she was a stars-idiot.

Uncertainty crept into Kase’s passionate gaze. The hand holding the ring dipped. “But if you don’t, that’s—”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Of course she wanted to. But she’d told the truth. He was going to lose her. It would be selfish to make him mourn her not just as…whatever they were, exactly, but as a widower.

To grieve not Hallie Walker, but Hallie Shackley.

Her heart couldn’t possibly break into more pieces than it already had. But it kept proving her so, so wrong.

“If you need proof I’m serious, take this as a promise.” He placed the ring in her hand and closed her fingers around it. He stood. “I’ll let you rest.”

“Kase.” Hallie clenched the ring so hard, it indented her palm. She looked back up at him, the words so thick she could barely spit them out. “It’s not…I just…I’m sorry.”

Kase smiled a small smile, a sad smile, one that nearly broke Hallie’s resolve right then and there. He gave her a soft kiss atop her head before pausing at the entrance to her cell, one hand drawing the curtain aside. “I’ll wait until the stars fall so long as I get to be with you in the end.”