Page 110 of Swords of Soul and Shadow (Gate Chronicles #3)

DAISIES

Hallie

HALLIE TURNED KASE’S RING OVER and over, staring at it for stars knew how long.

He’d asked her to marry him. Why hadn’t she said yes? It would’ve been so easy; it had been so perfect, everything she’d never thought she’d have, and if everything wasn’t going up in flames, she would’ve kissed him senseless for it.

After saying yes, of course.

That image was too much for her aching heart. She’d done the right thing, hadn’t she? She thought so. But maybe she simply liked torturing herself. And Kase, while she was at it.

She’d said she wanted to put the Essence powers into the sword, sacrificing herself and the others in the process, to defeat Jagamot. That way she would be able to keep Kase in a small way…whereas the other way, the story might end differently.

So wouldn’t marrying him now make sense, according to that logic?

But marriage—no matter how short or long—was too important to her. It was more than just agreeing to love someone until death parted them both. It was a commitment. The promise to live a life together.

How could she make that kind of promise, knowing she’d break it to save the world? What kind of partner would that make her?

But she had so little opportunity for happiness left to her. Why would she not say yes?

She pressed her palms to her eyes.

Unsure if it was the emotional turmoil within her making everything else feel less intense or just thanks to time passing, her pain had gently receded to a low hum over the past half hour or so, her power more like a pleasant warmth in the cold hospital ward.

It helped her think more clearly, but no matter which path of thought she wandered down, her answer was still no.

Maybe she should’ve added a, ‘Not right now.’

If she had, maybe he wouldn’t have looked so heartbroken.

She lifted her face and looked at the ring again. It hadn’t changed since Kase had pressed it into her palm. He’d said he’d wait for as long as it took.

He wouldn’t have to wait long, if she followed through on her plan. Because she’d be gone, and there’d be no one left to wait for.

She pushed the thoughts to the side. She needed to figure this out.

There had to be a way. They had to be missing something.

What if restoring the swords didn’t work?

What if she wasted the chance to reset the Gates and it led to something worse?

Or what if she did either one, but it made the ending of both much worse, like punting this duty off to someone else at some other time, when the hammer would fall even harder?

Should she feel responsible for people who had yet to live? What did it matter if she simply put off the inevitable? That was what Navara had done, what the Lord Elder had done. Why couldn’t Hallie follow their example?

She shut her eyes, taking a breath. If she could figure something out, she could go find Kase right now, fall into his arms, and demand he marry her right then and there. Then she could truly give him the stars he’d asked for. She opened her eyes and grabbed the ring, slipping it on.

It was a good compromise.

To its left was only the memory of the little finger that had been there a few months ago. It was a reminder that life as she knew it could disappear in a breath. Ebba’s life had moments before Hallie had lost her finger.

Oof. Ebba. What would she say? Would she call Hallie a sterning stars-idiot?

Probably. Hallie wished she was there to say anything at all.

The ring was in pristine condition—whether due to Kase’s care or the nature of the Zuprium itself, she didn’t know. The metal was mostly a mystery. Ezekiel Fairchild had discovered only two uses for it, one brilliant, the other terrifying.

The perfect fit to the ring was almost too much.

What would happen if she did say yes? Would they be able to find something for her to wear?

Did she even care? She looked down at her rumpled shirt that had seen much better days.

There wasn’t any blood on it—the only positive note.

She could probably borrow another one of her mother’s shirts, but they were a smidge too small.

Kase could wear his pilot’s jacket like soldiers in their uniform.

Hallie’s heart skipped a beat at that mental image.

The back was stitched together sloppily, and they’d make quite the pair with their ramshackle wardrobes fit for a refugee camp, not a wedding. But it wouldn’t matter. Not to Hallie.

She chewed the edge of her lip and twisted the ring around her finger. Would it be worth it? Even if they only had days left? A week or two at best?

She’d feel like a fraud unless she found a way to make it work.

What had she done wrong in her life to lead her here? Why did she, a scholar from Stoneset, have to make these difficult choices to save the world? Why her? Why now?

If she could simply find the other sword and Gate, they might be able to figure out some way forward. If she fixed both Gates, though she wasn’t entirely sure what was wrong with them, maybe she could use them to do…something helpful. But what about the prophecies?

The heat in the core flared. She hissed and pressed her hand to her middle.

Stars.

What had caused that?

No answer came, of course.

But wasn’t the way to repair the Gates to give them the swords full of Essence powers? Could she somehow figure out a way to repair souls first? Because as soon as she gave up her power, her soul would hemorrhage.

Anderson still hadn’t woken up—even with the Cerl blanket. Niels was on borrowed time, though the bracelet he’d made out of the blanket fibers kept the worst of it at bay.

Maybe Hallie could somehow restore their lost Soul that had bled out?

How much had they lost? How much did anyone start with?

It wasn’t something that could be measured like blood—at least, she didn’t think so.

Even if she could figure the biology out, if the Soul was no longer there, she would have to come up with a way to create it.

She could rewind and speed up time. She could heal. But could she combine that to create?

Something told her these thoughts bordered on dangerous. It felt too much like Soul Tech, toeing the line of ethics. Messing with that had led Ezekiel Fairchild and his sons to their deaths.

“Sorry to intrude, Miss Walker, but I have your satchel here.”

Hallie looked up to find Clara peeking in. She tried to give the woman a warm smile. She’d only seen her in passing during hospital shifts. Hallie waved her in.

Clara stepped fully into the cell, Samuel wrapped in a cloth and tied crossways across her chest. She set the satchel on the edge of her cot.

Hallie pulled it into her lap. She hadn’t even realized it was missing. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Samuel made a small noise of discontent. His mother shushed him and rocked a little. “If he wasn’t fighting a nap, I’d let him say hi. He seemed to like you last time.”

Hallie smiled, hoping it would hide the pain she couldn’t seem to avoid no matter which route she took. “I’d argue that he’s perfect and can do no wrong, so if he doesn’t want to nap, I wouldn’t make him.”

Clara laughed. “Except you will get to sleep somewhat soundly tonight regardless of whether he naps or not.”

Not so soundly.

Her emotions must have played out on her face, because Clara took the seat Kase had vacated earlier. “I was relieved to hear you’re going to be okay, but I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through today.”

Hallie shook her head. “Didn’t you survive the first dragon attack on the city?”

Clara shrugged. “It was a little different. I was already at the wall, and the soldiers ushered me right into the Catacombs. I didn’t experience much of the attack itself.”

“I’m glad.” Hallie brushed a stray hair behind her ear.

With the dragon fight earlier today, Hallie couldn’t imagine being in the city during the initial attack.

According to reports, much of the lower city had been heavily damaged by dragon fire and Cerl bombs.

Would Hallie have made it to the Catacombs in time?

Or would she have been caught in the destruction?

It was chilling to think about. It was even more disturbing to think her time in Achilles might’ve saved her the fate she would’ve suffered had she been in Kyvena.

“That’s a pretty ring.” Clara smoothed a hand over her son’s fuzzy head.

Hallie hid her hand under her satchel, heart in her throat. “It’s nothing.”

Hallie had no mind to discuss all her problems with Kase’s sister-in-law. She’d probably break her resolve.

Clara held one hand to her sleeping baby, the other to the cot as she pushed herself to her feet.

“I can imagine why Kase might’ve given it to you, but since he’s not here right now…

well, just know that you won’t have any judgment from me no matter what you choose.

I’m just happy he trusts someone enough…

we’ve all been through a lot, and I respect you very much, Miss Walker. ”

“Please, just Hallie is fine,” she said, her cheeks burning all the more.

“I know I haven’t known you long, Hallie, but…” Clara smiled and opened the curtain. “You deserve all the happiness in the world, as does Kase.”

And then Hallie was left with her heavy satchel and heavier thoughts.

Now what was she going to do?

At least now, thanks to Clara, she had one distraction available: a journal to inspect for what felt like the hundredth time.

If she distracted herself enough, her mind might stumble upon a solution.

She didn’t know how to feel about Clara understanding the significance of the ring without Hallie having to tell her, but the woman was right about one thing.

Kase did deserve happiness. And he would find that. She would make sure of it.

She pulled Navara’s worn leather journal and opened it to one of the last pages full of muddled Yalven. Without the proper lighting, she couldn’t tell if the sparkle of Zuprium was present, but she had to assume it was.