Page 94 of Swords of Soul and Shadow (Gate Chronicles #3)

A THOUSAND DEATHS

Hallie

SWEAT DRIPPED DOWN HALLIE’S FACE as she smudged the Vasa on her fingers.

Her core warmed as she concentrated harder, ignoring Saldr’s narrowed eyes. The good news was that her power had begun to fill her once more. It made her feel calmer and anxious all at once.

The bad news: her own eyes stung from lack of sleep.

Even though she and Kase had come to an agreement, she couldn’t just let go of her feelings altogether.

She needed time to work through them, and that had caused some tossing and turning.

Still, she knew she’d get there. She couldn’t imagine a life without their conversations, their banter, his sense of humor, and… well…and his lips.

“Yrea.”

The dust on her fingers flared to life for one millisecond before sputtering out.

She cursed.

“You seem to be distracted, Miss Walker,” Saldr said, holding out the dust pouch again. “Though my tree thanks you for the control you have gained.”

The tree above her was alive, no traces of trauma from the previous day. Saldr must’ve given in and allowed the use of Vasa to heal it.

Hallie grudgingly slipped her fingers in and pulled out another small pinch of the fine powder. She rubbed them together. “Yrea.”

In her mind, she could see the flame, the fire, the heat in her core. She tugged at it and teased it past the barrier of her skin and out through her coated fingers.

Warmth danced at the edges and caught fire, but as soon as it happened, it went dark once more.

She wanted to scream, to hit something. But she couldn’t. If she truly lost her temper, she might bring the entire city on their heads. Saldr’s poor tree had been inconsequential compared to what she could possibly do. What she’d done before.

“Keep trying. You’ve made much progress in only one day,” Saldr coaxed. “This is the first step to resetting the Gates. We cannot move forward until you master this. Were you observing the others last night like I suggested?”

Of course she had. She’d seen the spell performed dozens of times the night before. But she’d been distracted by her argument with Kase, and then their conversation, and then the dance, and that kiss…

She cursed as the light that had begun to radiate from her fingers went out as if doused with water.

“Don’t I have a choice?” she asked, suddenly desperate. “What happens if I say no?”

Fely and Saldr looked at one another. It was the look you gave someone when there was something you didn’t want to discuss, because it would only lead to something the other wouldn’t like—something bad.

Hallie met Saldr’s gaze. “What happens if I reset the Gate? What happens to me? To you? To Jayde?”

To Kase? She didn’t say that last one aloud.

Fely left, and she didn’t look at Hallie. She knew. She knew, and she didn’t want to be the one to tell Hallie…or see her face when she found out the truth.

That hurt. Hallie had thought they’d started to form a friendship of sorts, especially after finding out she’d been working against Cerulene the entire time, but it seemed Hallie was wrong.

Saldr flickered the same way he had when the Cerls had attacked Myrrai last winter.

“Tell me, Saldr,” Hallie said firmly.

He flickered again. “It is complicated, Miss Walker.”

It was bad, then. Sinister, even. Something she wouldn’t agree to if she knew the truth.

According to Saldr, the only way to stop Jagamot and the inky black darkness that oozed out the holes in the ground at a growing pace was to do one thing—use her power to reset the Gate.

Hallie had to assume that meant rewinding time to some point before, a point in the past where they could better prepare for Jagamot. It was meant to help them all.

But if all it took to defeat them was to combine the Essence powers into the swords, why didn’t they just do that now? It was a surefire victory, and it didn’t run the risk of failing in multiple ways.

“Saldr…”

He sighed and sat heavily on one of the stones, his knees bent to his chest, his head in his hands.

“It is complicated, Miss Walker, because even I know not what will happen. Playing with time is dangerous, and without the Lord Elder’s guidance, we are wandering through the dark.

I only know what the goal was, not how it was to be accomplished. ”

“But if I reset time, does that mean we’ll go back to the beginning of Yalvara? That the other peoples here might cease to exist? Time resetting would mean our ancestors have the opportunity to make different choices.”

“Which is why it is complicated.”

“But why go back to the beginning of the planet? Couldn’t I choose a more recent point?”

As soon as she thought it, the plan seemed too good to be true. If she could reset time only about four years, she could save her brother. She could say no to the Eudora mission.

Her heart raced, thinking of the possibilities. She could save the Lord Elder and never have to take on this power at all.

Her fingertips tingled with heat.

But would that mean she’d never find Kase? Would that leave her stranded in Stoneset? She wouldn’t know any differently, would she? Would she remember anything about the life she’d lived before?

Kase.

Saldr pressed his fingers together and tapped his chin. “Possible, yes, but still just as complicated.” He met her eyes at last. “Truly, neither way of defeating Jagamot is easy.”

“And combining the Essence powers?”

Saldr was silent.

Why had the Lord Elder been bent on resetting the Gate when the answer was right before them?

Hallie would gladly give up her power. She didn’t even need the encouragement to save the world. She’d do it for free.

Then it hit her. It hit her so hard, she lost her breath. Her chest squeezed. Her heart drummed in her ears. Her eyesight narrowed to a single point, a red clover just beneath her boots.

No. How had she missed that part? How had she not put it together sooner?

“I’d die,” she said slowly. “Filip didn’t die from the fall or the sword wound. He…” Hallie’s voice grew small as she’d finally realized what it all meant. “He died because ripping away the Essence power leads to the loss of your soul.”

Anderson still hadn’t awoken, despite Fely giving him fire soul and Kase’s blanket. He’d had only a sliver of the Essence power. Hallie had the full power, as had King Filip. Fely was merely the vessel. She didn’t actually hold the Essence power.

Hallie’s stomach swirled sickeningly as she pieced together the rest. “And if I reset the Gate, we know how this would all end. We could combine all the first Essences, or even stop the Shattering of Toro in the Dawn…”

Saldr breathed deeply in and out. He no longer flickered. “And it means you and the others have the chance at life.”

“Except that’s not a guarantee.”

Saldr nodded. “Correct, but it allows us to find the best way to save the most people. Combining the Essences into the swords will end Jagamot, but it could also destroy all Yalvara. The prophecies are inconclusive.”

“So it’s an impossible choice.”

“Yes.”

Too simple and quiet a word for the way it broke Hallie. It echoed in her head. It took up all the space she had left until she could no longer concentrate on anything else.

A buzzing started in her head, and she knew that if she stayed there any longer, she would lose it.

She threw the Zuprium pouch to the ground and left the circle of stones. She needed to be anywhere but where Saldr’s eyes could bore into her, expecting her to make the choice to doom them all no matter what universe they found themselves in.

If she went with General Correa’s plan, she died.

If she went with Saldr and the Lord Elder’s plan, everyone she knew might cease to exist. The only positive about the second option was the idea that they could all start over…

but would people make the same choices? Would those choices inevitably lead her to this exact moment again?

Would she be forced into a continuous time loop, never to escape? Wasn’t that how it happened in books?

She sprinted through the meadow and out into the tunnels as people packed up their scant belongings. That was right. Today was the day some were heading back to the city. Hallie had been so caught up in her own life she’d forgotten people were returning to theirs.

Maybe she could go back to her apartment and hide away from anything and everything—or just leave entirely. Maybe she could create a portal to the other side of the world and hope for the best. She’d probably mess up time again, but it seemed she was doomed to do that anyway.

Could she sit and watch the world burn, knowing she could’ve done something to stop it? Was there truly no way out of this?

She hardly knew where she was going, but she somehow ended up in front of Kase’s tent. After the beauty of the Yalvs’ cavern, this one felt plain and cold. It was still better than Saldr’s pitying look.

No guard waited outside his tent. Either the guard had finally been dismissed, or Kase was out training the new pilots. Her mind was so clouded, she couldn’t remember where he was supposed to be or if he would be back soon. She assumed it was midday, but that meant nothing to her addled mind.

Hesitating for a moment and nodding awkwardly to the couple next door who’d just finished packing up their tent, she went inside to wait.

She couldn’t go back to Saldr. She could maybe talk to Petra, but she doubted she would understand.

Hallie hadn’t told her what she was, and she didn’t want to have to explain.

And who knew where Fely had gone off to.