Page 47 of Swords of Soul and Shadow (Gate Chronicles #3)

AS IT SHOULD

Kase

IT’D BEEN HOURS SINCE KASE had been moved to a new tent, and he’d received no word on Jove or his mother. Nothing at all. He’d paced the floor until his feet hurt. No one came to visit. No one had told him anything at all.

The initial attack had happened only a week ago, so his mother could still very well be among the refugees in the tunnels or even hiding somewhere in the city. Kase refused to believe she was dead. His mother was too tough to die.

If he didn’t keep believing that, he would lose his mind.

Covering his eyes with his leather-clad arm, he fell heavily onto the cot and laid back.

The more developed cavern his prison tent was in allowed for the conversations and any sound to echo around him like a discordant symphony.

There was no way he’d be able to sleep with the racket.

He was set up just down the tunnel from the larger cavern where his father’s tent and other important officials had congregated—still loud.

While the smaller cavern chamber might offer a less complicated escape, it would also make it easier for someone to slit his throat.

He briefly wondered if the elevated voices had anything to do with him. Maybe his father hadn’t been able to control the population after they’d realized he had finally returned.

The two soldiers guarding his tent wouldn’t be much good against a determined mob.

His mother and brother were missing. He was trapped in a tent. He might never see Hallie again. And all of it was for nothing.

Harlan had already known most of the information Kase had to offer thanks to his defectors.

In the end, Kase had been the one with horrible news dumped in his lap—Jove and his mother missing, likely dead; the city having fallen to riots before the Cerls ever showed up, thanks to him; the Crews decimated, dead , except for a handful of incompetent greenies…

and Kase himself. And he couldn’t do anything to make his own survival worthwhile, because he was stuck in this blasted tent .

He clenched his hands into fists. Being up in the sky was the only way to calm his racing thoughts, but he had nothing above him but canvas and rock.

After another half hour or so, a few words from outside had him sitting up. He had no idea how much time had passed, but it no longer mattered.

Amidst the annoying, indiscernible chatter, someone approached his tent and spoke with the guards, voice soft and feminine. “The Stradat Lord Kapitan has given me permission to speak with Master Kase Shackley.”

Kase’s heart leapt into his throat.

Clara. With everything that had happened, he’d forgotten about her. How thoughtless of him. Relief shoved him to his feet, giving him the energy to straighten his spine and smooth his rumpled clothing.

Clara might have information about what happened to Jove or his mother. She wouldn’t keep it from him—he could trust her to be honest. She might even help Kase get out of this tent so he could do something. Anything.

Whipping the tent flap back, Kase took in his sister-in-law.

She looked like herself, though a little worse for wear.

Her blouse and skirt were wrinkled. She probably hadn’t grabbed anything else when fleeing the townhouse.

Bags hung like specters underneath her dark eyes—they probably rivaled Kase’s own.

But she gave him a small smile, and Kase immediately felt at ease. She was still the Clara he remembered.

The bundle of blankets in her arms began to squirm.

Shocks. Is that…?

He took a cursory glance at her stomach. In his initial assessment, he’d failed to notice the size of it. The roundness had receded considerably, which had to mean the squirming bundle was Kase’s…

Oh stars. Oh shocks. If Jove was never found, did that mean Kase had to take over fatherly duties?

He’d told his brother no. But was that why Clara was here now?

Dread, nearly heavier than the revelations he’d received in the Stradat Lord Kapitan’s tent, filled his stomach. Kase opened and closed his mouth repeatedly. “Clara, you…is that…when did you have the baby?”

With the thick bundle of blankets, Kase couldn’t tell much—not even if the baby was a boy or girl.

“A few weeks ago.” Clara gave him another sad smile. “We need to talk.”

No, we don’t. We don’t, because Jove will be fine. We don’t, because I can’t be a father figure. I’m under house arrest and will probably be executed at some point. The baby can’t lose two fathers so young in life.

“Of course,” Kase said instead, moving out of the way so she could enter his canvas prison chamber. She moved past him, and the bundled baby in her arms opened its eyes.

They were blue as the sky on a clear day.

Kase froze. Those were Jove’s eyes. Kase’s eyes.

He let the flap fall. “Clara, I…”

She held up her free hand. “I know Jove is missing. I know your mother…hasn’t been found yet.” She took a moment to compose herself, wiping the stray tear that bubbled over. She swallowed. “I don’t need an explanation of where you’ve been. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Kase blinked away the burning in his eyes, relief and shame mixing.

Here he was, panicking because he thought he was going to have to take responsibility for the child in her arms, the child that Jove wanted to entrust to his brother if anything should ever happen to him…

and his sister-in-law was only here to make sure he was okay.

Kase was most definitely a screw-up.

Clara perched herself on the edge of the cot and gestured for him to sit beside her.

Silently, he did. She took a shaky breath and said, “I don’t know the details about what happened three years ago.

I’ve heard the rumors by way of the papers and eavesdropped conversations since I’ve been here, but I don’t care. ”

Kase didn’t look at her as he said, “It’s true. I started the fire.”

Best to just come out with it. Better she hear the absolute truth from him.

Admitting it to Hallie had been hard enough, and it hadn’t gotten any easier.

Clara’s family lived outside the city. Her friends were all upper-class and had avoided the worst of the blaze, but she’d also lost Ana.

Kase was the reason she no longer had a sister, either.

Ana had been so excited to have another girl in the family.

Clara’s hand found his forearm. “I know. But I also know you. You wouldn’t have done that on purpose. There is more to the story, and I want to hear it.”

Kase’s throat wasn’t working properly. Ana had been his best friend first and his sister second. She’d been right beside him and Eravin on countless adventures. Kase deserved this house arrest.

Clara added, “But I don’t need to know, if you don’t wish to tell me. I trust you. Jove trusts you.”

Kase pinched the bridge of his nose. “They don’t even know where he is.”

With how many goodbyes he’d had to say lately and all the losses he’d suffered, the pain and shock should’ve gotten easier. It hadn’t.

Hallie would’ve told him that it shouldn’t get better, that it was normal to feel that way. But Hallie wasn’t here. And Kase might very well lose her too.

“They’ll find Jove,” Clara said firmly. “Or he will find his way to us.”

So optimistic. Kase wished he could feel the same. “How did it happen? The Stradat Lord Kapitan didn’t really elaborate.”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t…I wasn’t there.” Her voice sounded far away for a moment. She cleared her throat. “I know everything will be all right, because all things work together for good, even if we might not realize the goodness in the moment. I have faith.”

Kase looked up, still blinking the prickling in the corners of his eyes away. “I don’t understand.”

All Kase knew was that he couldn’t win. It was as if fate itself stood against him.

“You will. One day.” Clara took a deep breath and shifted the bundle of blankets in her arms. “Until then, it’s high time you meet your nephew.”

Kase didn’t know if his barely contained emotions would hold up against that. Plus, the baby was tiny. Only weeks old. What if he wasn’t gentle enough? What if it was the first step to him agreeing to take on a fatherly role?

He put up his hands. “I don’t…I mean, it’s not like…what if I drop him?”

That seemed the safest way to reject her without hurting her feelings.

Clara smirked through the tears budding in her own eyes. “You won’t.”

Oh, shocks, not the tears. One minute. He’d hold him for one minute, just to keep her from crying, then give him straight back.

She held out the bundle, the blanket slipping a little more. Trying to still the trembling in his hands, Kase took the baby from her.

“His name is Samuel. Samuel Lee Shackley.”

Kase swallowed. The baby was asleep again, his familiar blue eyes hidden behind tawny lids and thick lashes.

He hadn’t realized babies could be born with such thick lashes.

They dusted his plump, light brown cheeks smushed by the hands curled beneath his chin.

He squirmed, a small grunt spilling from his impossibly tiny pink lips.

“Samuel,” Kase whispered. His heart fluttered a little as he stared at the little boy. Almost the instant his nephew’s soft weight pressed against him, all his worries faded.

Kase was an uncle. All he could think was that this baby was so small, yet weighed a thousand pounds.

This little life belonged to Clara and Jove, but somehow, he also belonged to Kase.

It was not the feeling he’d been expecting at all.

It almost made him believe he could step into whatever role Samuel required.

How odd that just holding Samuel would be the balm he needed.

A few tears escaped his hold. “He’s perfect.”

Warmth laced Clara’s voice. “ That’s how I know this all will work out as it should.”

Kase didn’t say what he knew: that it wouldn’t, that everything was crumbling around him. He wished he could have her faith, but it had let him down in the past more times than he could count. “I don’t know.”

“I do,” she said softly, so softly that Kase barely heard her over the echoed tunnel noise.

“I know because I am not in control, and if I’m not in control, I can’t change what’s to come, and that, Kase, is true freedom.

I can only do my best with the time left to me.

These past few weeks have taught me that like nothing else could, and I nearly broke, but beauty is born from the ashes. ”

Kase didn’t say anything. How could he crush that beautiful hope of hers?

Maybe if he kept his beliefs to himself, he could find a way to pretend Clara was right. That there was some higher purpose to what had happened in his life. He just needed to be patient.

Clara pulled a small bag onto her lap. He hadn’t even noticed she’d been carrying anything.

He’d been too focused on his new nephew and his anxieties.

She pulled out a notebook about the size of his old copy of the Odyssey and a plain pencil.

She set it on the cot. “I don’t have the capacity to go into why right now, not with everything going on.

” She patted her hand on the notebook. “But I haven’t been able to paint or do anything creative as of late, so this notebook is only going to waste.

It also feels a little pretentious, carrying around something that isn’t helpful to our situation here.

” She gave Kase a small smile. “I thought you could use it to write out your thoughts, or send me messages if you need anything. Your father’s orders were clear, but he didn’t say you couldn’t write letters. ”

“Thank you,” Kase said.

The notebook wasn’t fancy, but it was bound in expensive dark brown leather. He could use it to send a note to Stowe, too, if needed. A little bit of the tension in his muscles melted away. It was a step in the right direction.

Kase’s arm tingled beneath Samuel’s weight.

He adjusted his grip, moving as slowly as he could so as not to wake up the sleeping babe.

That maneuver failed spectacularly; Samuel’s face scrunched with the movement, and his mouth opened to let out a frustrated cry.

Without thinking about what he was doing, he shushed him and stroked his finger down his nephew’s silky cheek. “It’s okay, little buddy.”

Samuel’s face slowly relaxed. He wrapped his entire tiny hand around Kase’s finger, squeezing as he fell back to sleep.

It was a shot right to the heart.

How could something so small make such an impact on him, and so quickly? He let out a breath of relief. “That was easier than I thought.”

He couldn’t move his finger now. Samuel had a death grip on it. Kase couldn’t help grinning.

Clara chuckled softly. “You’re a natural.”

Kase shook his head. “Not so sure about that, but I’ll have to rub it in Jove’s—”

He went silent. Clara placed a hand on his shoulder. “They’ll find him.”

“But what if…” He couldn’t even get out the words. He’d thought them plenty, feared them, but to say them…

Kase’s jaw wobbled a little.

Clara pulled him into a side hug. “Then we will deal with that when it comes, but in the meantime, rest and write out your thoughts. Journaling has always helped me process things.” She let him go and stood, stretching.

“I have a shift at the hospital ward soon, so I need to go, but I’ll come visit tomorrow with Samuel.

Send a note if you need anything before then, okay? ”

Kase rose slowly, trying not to jostle Samuel too much. “Who’s watching him?”

“My mother. She made it to the city before…everything. Between me, her, and a new friend of mine, Samuel’s been spoiled pretty handsomely.” She smiled as Kase handed her son back. Samuel cried a little bit, but Clara bounced him softly. “He’s going to be hungry soon, too.”

Kase stuck his hands in his pockets. “Thank you for stopping by. I’m glad you’re okay. And Samuel. And…just…thank you. For everything. You didn’t have to.”

“Of course I did,” Clara said, her brow furrowing. “We’re family, Kase. It’s what we do.”

Her family, maybe, but not his. His family let him fend for himself. But Kase didn’t argue with her. He only nodded. “See you soon, then.”

She left with a word of thanks to the guards, but her words lingered in her wake. Kase picked up the journal and pencil. It reminded him painfully of Hallie.

Chewing on his lip, he opened up the book. He’d write a quick note to Stowe to let him know what had happened. He also wanted to know if he’d found Hallie’s mother.

When he finished scrawling a few lines and a hasty signature, he handed it off to one of the guards with instructions on who to give it to.

The man assured him he’d get it to where it needed to go, though he did so gruffly.

Kase didn’t care. He went back to his cot and forced himself back into a fitful sleep.