Page 11 of Swimming in Grief (Monster Match season two)

Reuben

My thoughts on the conversation Glauruss and I had had in the hospital kept circling my mind like a whirlpool as I dropped him off at the beach on Sunday evening after he was released in good health. We had agreed to be friends, which made sense for where we both were. And what I had said was true; I wouldn’t help him if I couldn’t handle it. Kyle was gone, but the pieces of his life were slowly slotting into place. Death was final. I couldn’t ‘fix’ it. But Glauruss was something I could help with. I didn’t kid myself that I could ‘fix’ him. But I could support him in what would be a difficult journey and help him live a better life. The living still had to live after the dead were gone.

That brought up more thoughts in my mind. I was fifty-one. I wasn’t a completely old dog yet, though sometimes my body decided otherwise. But I didn’t have to entirely give up on the idea of romance or relationships just because Kyle was gone. I hopefully still had another twenty to thirty years left in me, but I also didn’t necessarily have good health for all of them either. Perhaps my mind would go like my dad’s, or I’d get some long-lasting disease like my momma. I wasn’t necessarily planning to find romance again, but who knew what would happen? I liked Glauruss. More than I had realized. It could be and probably was trauma bonding, sharing our pain with one another and connecting on a deeper level because of it. But that wasn’t necessarily bad. As long as we both wanted the same thing. When he had said he wanted us to be friends, something inside of me had tugged just a bit. I knew friendship was better right now. He had to get through his recovery, and I was still only a few weeks into mourning Kyle.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that it was the care center where my dad was. A sense of dread came over me as I answered. I took a deep breath. “Hello?”

“Mr. Thompson?”

“Speaking.”

“Hi, this is Jenny over at Scottdale Memory Care.” The nurse on the line sounded so gentle, I knew what the next few words would be before she spoke them out loud. “I’m afraid your father, Benjamin, passed away this afternoon.”

I waited for the freeze, the cold, the shaking, the anxiety. Any of the reactions I had had when I received the news about Kyle. But they didn’t come. All I felt was a sort of calm peacefulness wash over me. My father was with my mother now. He wasn’t suffering or confused anymore. And I was an orphan. That felt strange to think at fifty-one years old, but that was the word for it. Both of my parents were gone.

“Mr. Thompson?”

I realized I hadn’t answered her. “I’m here, sorry. Thank you for your call, Jenny. I’ll call my sister, and then arrange for the funeral home to pick him up.”

I called Brenda. I heard her stifle sobs that sounded very much like the ones that had come out of me when I got the news about Kyle. I knew the pain she was going through. “I’ll pack a bag and come over there,” I said. There was going to be a lot to do to prepare for another funeral and to close my dad’s affairs, though certainly not as many as I had had to do for Kyle. I had to be the strong one now.

I packed a suitcase, called my boss, thankful again for his understanding, and then I texted Glauruss.