Page 22

CHAPTER 22

MIRIAM

There’s this feeling you get when you walk out of a room and just know the people left behind are going to start talking about you immediately. It hits hard and there’s no stopping wondering what the insults are, who thinks you’re an idiot, and who’s defending you.

Ezra is probably defending me. I do my best to stem my laughter, covering my mouth in an attempt to wipe away my smile. That fucker is out of his mind, but while no one has access to my thoughts, I can admit he’s endearing. I don’t feel unsafe around him, not really. I just need to ensure I establish my boundaries clearly, and if he violates those, there are repercussions.

“What are you smiling about?”

Kevin’s question bugs me, and the little smile I was apparently sporting falls away. “I’m smiling because I’m finally headed home and out of that cesspool of male toxicity.”

I expect el capitán to correct me, making excuses for his friends, but he doesn’t. The corner of his lip ticks up, amused by my assessment. “I’m sure you’re quite relieved. Speaking of male toxicity, go through my phone and put our numbers back into your phone and unblock us. If for no other reason than if you find yourself in an emergency.”

“Fine, but you have to know I’m not calling you if I do have one.” He uses his thumb to unlock his phone and hands it over. As I scroll through, finding each one of the guys, I add their last names as well. Might be a good thing when I have the baby, to know the full name and spelling of said names, for paperwork.

Kevin taps his thumb on the steering wheel as I reconnect these men back into my life, willingly this time. “Just ask whatever’s bugging you,” I murmur, growing anxious over the tap tap tap on the wheel.

“You seem tired, but not the kind from just a poor night’s sleep. More like you’re physically drained.”

Snorting, I agree without looking at him. “That’s because I am. Growing a baby is a lot of work.”

“I remember you sharing your work schedule before. Do you think that’s contributing to your exhaustion?”

Setting both of our phones on my lap, I turn to him. “Paying for the baby I’m growing is a lot of work, Capitán . At some point I’m going to have to take time off, and while I will have maternity leave, who knows what that’s going to be like or how long I’ll actually need. I’d rather be prepared for the unknowns, at least financially.”

He hesitates before asking, “Is there something I can do to ease the burden? Do you need money?”

“ No ,” I seethe. “I don’t want your pity money. I make enough for?—”

His head whips toward me, then immediately he turns back to face the road. “It’s not pity money. I’m trying to figure out how I can meet some of your needs right now. I assume you don’t want all of us descending on you in your home quite yet, and if I can’t help you there, I’m offering to supplement your financial needs so you can cut back on your hours at work.”

I grind my teeth together because he’s being reasonable, but I want to be stubborn and still insist I don’t need his help. Crossing my arms, I glare at the passing scenery, battling my anger. I fucking hate all of this.

“Would you look at me for a minute?” His voice is gentle, drawing my eyes to him. “Will you please believe me that my offer wasn’t an insult to your ability to provide or that I think you’re looking for a handout? It’s not. It’s purely from a practical standpoint. While you have been capable of holding your current schedule before, and I admire that, it’s just not feasible in your current condition.”

My eyes begin to water, and I blink them away. Goddamn hormones fucking me all up . “I’m not… I don’t…” I trail off, not sure what I’m trying to say.

“How about this? For now we’ll table it, but will you let me help in other ways? I can have some meals prepared and sent to your place, so when you’re home, you don’t have to worry about cooking. Or you could give me a list of items you need on a regular basis and let me set up a reoccurring order to have it delivered. What about your schooling? Have you talked with your professors about what your schedule is going to look like moving forward?”

Not wanting to agree to the first part of his offer, I respond to the less intrusive questions. “I only have a few weeks of classes this semester before finals and holiday break. I’ve already had a meeting with my advisor and we’ve decided that for the next year, I’ll cut my credits in half until I have a better idea of my availability. We also discussed online options so I can take classes remotely and not in the evenings. As long as I speak with the professors and let them know I’ll watch the recorded lectures, I won’t have to attend classes in the late evenings.”

He nods the entire I explain, clearly pleased with the obstacle of my school having been dealt with. “Have you considered pausing until the timing is better suited for seeking a degree?”

“ Papí ,” I say sarcastically. “I can always find reasons to delay, but I refuse to go down that path. Getting my certification will open up my career opportunities, which will increase my pay. That’s the most important thing to consider, and I won’t live paycheck to paycheck as a single mom. Been there and done that. It’s miserable.”

Side-eyeing me, he sighs. “Understood. Just want you to consider all your options. You won’t be a single mom, though. Don’t forget that, Miriam.”

“That’s not guaranteed.” I’m defensive, but he has to know that I can’t operate on maybes and little promises.

“It is. You don’t have to believe me now, but I’ve known these men for years, and I know myself. No matter what happens, you’ll have support in every way you’ll accept from us.”

We’re silent for a while, me unable to respond because I don’t believe him. Beating a dead horse does us no good. The drive remains somewhat awkward until Kevin asks me a question out of left field.

“Did Tito like the tinsel?”

It breaks the ice, and I start laughing. “How the hell do you even remember his name? But no, I didn’t even get the chance to set it up. My dad hadn’t pulled out the tree yet, so I’ll have to plan for the next visit over. I did see this craft idea where you make tinsel pompoms. I’m considering it because it’ll be less for me to clean up after the holidays.”

I’m grinning at him, but his face grows solemn the longer I speak.

“What’s with the face?”

He quickly schools his features. “Nothing. Don’t forget to give me your appointment information so I can pass it along to everyone else. If you’re still comfortable with us attending, that is.”

See, this is the part that’s fucking with my head. Why in the world would they possibly want to go? Yes, one of them is the father, but the baby is months away from being here. Right now, the appointments are centered around me and my health.

“Now I’m going to ask you the same question. What’s with the face?” His tone is teasing, if not slightly unsure.

“I guess I just don’t understand. You seriously want to go? I can get information on testing for paternity, then just let you all know when and where to go.” I fiddle with the edge of my seatbelt, running the pad of my finger along its edge nervously.

Lifting his foot off the gas, the car slows down as he merges to the right lane, then signals for the next exit. “I’m going to fill up before we finish our drive. I’m not sure what you don’t understand. We all told you we want to go. What’s confusing you about that?”

“Capitán, I was nothing but a warm body for you all to fuck. I’d say whore, but I refused the money, so I guess that’s a win. The baby will have no idea if any of you show up before he or she is born. So, I don’t understand what the point of going is? You’d have nothing to do with me if it weren’t for this pregnancy, so what’s the point? I refuse to be an inconvenience.”

It kills me to admit it, but being viewed as a burden is repulsive to me. I can’t stand the thought of misplaced duty directed toward me. I’ll end up having a co-parenting relationship with someone who resents me. That’s how my mother felt for years with my dad. And that’s why she left.

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m right , and you know it, papí .”

“Why do you call me that?” Another question from left field, and I glare at him as we pull up to a gas pump. Turning off the engine, he turns to face me, waiting for an answer.

Mirroring his position, I jab a finger in his direction. “You know exactly why I call you that, papí . Do you really need me to explain? Besides, I was just being sarcastic.”

This time when he smiles, it’s a full-blown grin. “I do know why you call me that, and I doubt it was entirely sarcastic. I think you’re very aware of that side of me, and since you are, you have your answer.”

Biting my tongue, I refuse to argue. He leans forward, forcing me to back up to keep some distance between us.

“You definitely know why I want to be there, and it’s not for the baby. Well, not entirely. And just so we can clear the air, I absolutely don’t view you only as someone who warmed my cock for a few days and nothing more. There is more between us. I just don’t think either of us knows what that is yet. So, for now, I’m going to follow my gut and take care of you in ways I can. That starts with showing up for your appointment.”

I blink at him, rendered silent. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?

“I see we have an understanding. Would you like anything from inside? A drink or a snack?”

Whispering, my voice cracks on my answer. “Water, please.” I clear my throat as he grabs his keys and wraps his fingers around them tightly.

“Noted. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Unless you’d like to come in and use the bathroom. We’ve still got another hour’s worth of driving before I get you home.”

I bare my teeth at him because of course I have to pee. Without a word, I open the door and hurry into the gas station, leaving him to follow at an easy, relaxed pace. After doing my business, the drinks purchased, and the vehicle filled, we’re back on the road. I quietly sip at my oversized bottle of water, less anxious than before, but still uneasy.

Kevin’s gentle voice gives me a lot to think about for the remainder of our drive done in silence.

“It’s not my place to speak for the others, but you should know a few things before making decisions based on assumptions. There have been too many of those recently. Ezra and Tatum are loyal to a fault. You will have lifelong friends in them, if you allow it. Ezra can be overwhelming, but he is capable of operating within well-established boundaries once he’s settled. He and Tatum are connected in ways I don’t even fully understand, but they are showing you exactly who they are. Richard?—”

Richard is a dick .

“—is difficult, but for different reasons. What he won’t do is lie to you. He has reasons for his walls, but I believe that he’ll surprise you in the end. Whether your child is his or not, he’s committed.” There’s a long pause, then his final thought. “I’m sorry for being a major part of the reason you were insulted. That’s something I’ll do my best to remedy.”

I really need to talk to Susanna.