Page 44 of Steeling Light (Shadowed Debts #3)

I was so young. Arrogance is a privilege of the young, and I hadn’t learned to trust anyone’s instincts but my own and Cole’s. She was right to hold things from me.

~Maeve Arden, The Future of Magic and Dragons

Ainslee

I can feel Rhion’s pain, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

I stare out at the misty forest as I have for a week.

It all started three days ago when there was an emotional outburst I still can’t understand, and then there was nothing from him at all for hours.

I’d been so worried. Ever since then, it has been a different kind of pain.

An ache. Like he’s stepped on glass and continues to walk, each step forcing the glass deeper.

That’s why I tried to postpone doing this. That first day, I’d been working myself up to talking to Maeve. She’s my Queen. More than that, though, she’s my friend. She deserves to know enough .

I stare at the trees that are only present in Valinar. Their leaves hang like green and gray feathers from the willow-like branches. No wind blows. There are no leaves rustling or branches breaking. Even the drone of insects that is so commonplace in any normal forest is barely noticeable.

The mist clings to everything, a silent reminder of what I knew this place as until this last week. The Nothing. The enemy.

Memories flow through me of my time with Rhion in Selithar. The touches, the looks, the conversations. Strangely enough, the strongest memories aren’t the exciting ones. The first or second time I’d gone into the Keep of Webs. Fighting Morvael. Putting out the fire at the inn.

No, those feel as though they took minutes each. The memories that linger are the ones that were purposeless. Long walks with Rhion. The night at the Moonlit Pools that felt like it would never end until it did. Even that stupid tasting event lingers.

My time in Selithar was so much more than a month of wasted time. It was my first month of life, and I feel like a newborn babe, my entire world just now opening up.

And now I have to offer to end it. At least temporarily.

I can’t see any other way around it. I cannot go into the upcoming battle with a secret.

More than anything, I need Maeve and Cole to know exactly how important Rhion is to me.

If there’s any chance that they’ll end up fighting him, I need them to know what he means to me.

And that he isn’t the enemy they think he is.

I can hear Maeve talking to Casimir as she tries out her new Conduit powers. As their conversation draws to a close, I step out of the forest and lean against a tree. She sees me immediately, notices the nervousness on my face, and I steel myself against the fear that lingers.

At one point, she’d have killed me for this. I hope that she’s still my friend, not just my Queen.

I walk toward her and say as formally as I can, “Queen Maeve.”

She’s quiet for a few moments as she looks at me, and I can see her thinking.

She knew I was hiding something, and a flush of relief washes through me.

Yes, I’m doing the right thing. If I have to break off the betrothal for now, I will.

But I will still emphasize how much Rhion means to me. I’ve earned that right.

“Who is it?” she finally asks.

I want to be straightforward. I want to tell her exactly what happened, but I can’t. There’s too much, too many confusing pieces, and none of them really matter to this conversation. The only thing that she needs to know is that I’m betrothed to Rhion.

“Maeve, I…” I stop and shake my head. How am I supposed to explain how it happened? “I didn’t mean to. I was just…” No. I cannot apologize for my soul finding its mate. I cannot dismiss it. I found love—true love—no different from hers, and Maeve has never apologized for hers.

I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment to keep the frustration from taking control. Why is it so hard to explain?

Maeve takes my hands in hers reassuringly. I open my eyes to see her, and I remember she was my friend first before she was my Queen. “It’s Rhion.” Simple. Not at all confusing.

I see her reaction of pure disbelief… and anger. Part of me still yearns to tell her everything, but I’m sure of myself now. Would she even believe everything that’s happened? Instead, I make the explanation simpler and, truthfully, more believable.

“While I was gone, while I was hunting for Vesta, I spent a lot of time in Draenyth, and he was everywhere, always around me, even though I looked like a different woman each time. He always found me and always knew it was me. Instead of telling his father or trying to capture me, he just… talked. He talked, and he kept my secrets, and… Maeve, I couldn’t have found Vesta without him.

He’s…” I shrug. “He’s Rhion. He’s always there, always smiling, always talking, and always hiding things behind that smile. ”

Thinking of the long walks, of the way he had taught me what it was to live, I can’t help but smile even as Maeve pulls away in horror.

He is the man I love, and I will not reduce that. “We’re betrothed, but I will break it off if you command it, my Queen.” Saying it out loud breaks my heart, but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

I stand up taller and don’t let the fear of pain stop me. No matter what Maeve decides, I’ll have the man and the bond I need so much as soon as this battle is over. “I swore my allegiance to you. I gave my word not to hide anything from you. If you command it, I’ll break the bond with him.”

She stares at me for several long moments. “Why? Lee, he’s the…”

“The enemy,” I finish. “I know. But he’s never been the enemy to me.

He’s always just been Rhion. He was the Prince who always needed a little extra help when we were young.

I was always with Cole, and compared to him, Rhion was a baby, always begging for attention.

I was never scared of him like I probably should have been. ”

“Lee, he’s Gethin’s son. Have you considered that he might tell his father everything he sees in your mind? If you’re betrothed, then you can’t truly keep him out. You’re a liability. As long as you’re close to him, no information is safe.”

I chuckle. “No information is safe from me, either,” I say with a wry smile.

She frowns and shakes her head, her mind immediately going to the obvious and completely wrong assumption. “He’s a Prince. He has more power.”

She won’t listen to anything I say. All she can think of is who his father is. But she’s wrong, and I know it. I have seen into his heart, and there is nothing but goodness and love behind those gray eyes.

“Power that he won’t use against me. Maeve, he could have forced information from me about where we were.

He could have used me against Cole by capturing me and using me as a hostage.

I’ve been used against Cole before, but he’s not his father, and I love him.

I spent months with him while I hunted for that book.

I’ve spent a lifetime around him. He’s not the man you think he is. He won’t fight against us.”

Her only response is, “He’s Gethin’s son.”

“If you were Gethin’s daughter, would you fight for him?”

“He’s fought for him plenty of times in the past.” There’s a softness in her voice, but I think it’s more of pity than of empathy.

I can’t help but get angry, and while I try to keep it contained, my connection to Rhion will not allow me to just accept her words.

“He didn’t have an alternative, Maeve. Rhion is…

Rhion is not Cole. I love that big idiot of a man, but he is not the kind of person who will start a revolution.

He’s never been one to strike out on his own. ”

How easy it would be if he could… “I wish he was, but he’s not.

When you received the Painted Crown, he followed his father’s orders because what else was he supposed to do?

There wasn’t a resistance. The House of Flames was going to fall.

Casimir no longer held the Painted Crown, and Flames are weak to Steel.

Maybe they could have held on if Rhion and Cole had both fought against Gethin, but still, they probably would have lost. Then we all fled, and he was left alone. ”

She’s angry about my outburst, but I don’t care. “I…” she begins, but I cut her off.

“You had Cole from the beginning, Maeve. You don’t know what it’s like when everyone you know is going along with it.

And Maeve, you’re different. You’re…” I shake my head slowly.

“There’s a reason that you and Cole work so well together.

Not everyone is born to change the world and do impossible things.

You fought the Nothing, something that was supposed to be impossible.

Rhion wouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have either, though.

Do you think I’m the enemy because I don’t have that inner whatever that you and Cole have?

Or am I just an ally because I was lucky enough not to be Gethin’s daughter? ”

“He tried to kill me,” she says weakly. “He tried to kill Cole.”

I stare into Maeve’s eyes, and I know I’m glowing a little. I feel alive in a way that I haven’t since set foot in Valinar. I’m fighting for the man I love, even if it’s just with words. My mother would be proud.

“You almost let me die in the void, and Cole was nearly dead when you finally gave up the war against the Nothing,” I say.

The silence is nearly overwhelming. I will protect the man I love from her accusations with truth. She never commanded me to coddle her. Especially when she’s wrong and simply doesn’t understand it.

Finally, when I think the tension has lasted long enough, I say, “I believe he is a good man. I believe he is being honest about not helping his father. At the same time, I gave you my loyalty, and if you command it, I will break the betrothal.”

She thinks again, but there’s no disgust or horror in her eyes any longer.

She shakes her head. “No, Lee. I will not make this decision for you. You’ve seen into his mind just like I’ve seen into Cole’s.

You know his heart better than anyone else, but Lee, you need to remember what’s at stake.

If you’re wrong—if Rhion is using you—your decision could be the reason all of us die.

Your heart could be the one to blame for the entire magical world’s death.

I won’t make this decision for you because that’d be hypocritical after the emotional decisions I’ve made. Be sure of yourself, though.”

I am. If I’ve learned anything since I began my search for Vesta, it’s that only one person would give everything in the world for my happiness. Not Cole, and probably not even Darian, cares as much about me as Rhion does.

Then she says, “And Lee, you should have come to me immediately. It’s the eleventh hour, and I don’t have any choices now. You’ve spent how long with us? You’ve listened to how many meetings? If you were anyone else…”

If I were anyone else, I wouldn’t have come back. I would have gone with him. I didn’t, though. “I trust you as a friend and ally, but never put me in this place again. My friend wouldn’t put me in this kind of position.”

I don’t say the words that ache to be released. A friend wouldn’t question my love. She would trust that I hadn’t been tricked by the enemy. She’d be happy for me.

But she’s not just my friend. She’s my Queen.

“Thank you.” I say it as formally as possible and bow deeply.

“I am deeply sorry that I’ve made you doubt my loyalty or friendship.

Thank you for giving me your trust, and I won’t break it.

I believe in Rhion, and after this battle, you will too.

He’s…he’s wonderful. Rhion isn’t like Cole, but I never fell in love with Cole. ”

She smiles at me, but I know she doesn’t trust me. It doesn’t matter. She’ll see. Soon enough, she’ll find out just how wonderful Rhion is.