Page 11 of Steeling Light (Shadowed Debts #3)

Every High Fae is loyalty-bound to their parents when they are born. It is as instinctive as the urge to suckle. Their parents’ commands are painful to refuse, and the stronger the need for that parent’s approval, the worse the punishment.

~Daegon Rahn, personal journals

Rhion

The skewers at the Maze and Marrow are delicious, but they lay on my plate untouched as I stare at the entrance to the Labyrinth.

Twilight hangs low, the red and orange rays of sunlight streaming just over the top of the twisting hedges that encircle the secret pathways leading to the center of the Labyrinth.

I’d hoped… No, that’s the wrong word. I hadn’t hoped.

I’d desperately wished Ainslee would come back today, and now, as the last rays of the day wane, my stomach twists.

She refused me. She ran. I stare at the silver band encircling my wrist. I swore a magical oath never to let her come to harm.

There’s no taking it back, but it’s the most unnecessary bit of magic that I’ve ever done.

Even now, as I recognize how she’s abandoned the thin tie of our past that I’ve clung to so tightly.

There’s nothing on Nyth or elsewhere that could have forced me to hurt her.

Her loyalty is to her friends, not to her memories. Then again, why would she choose me when there are so many people who care about her?

I stand up as the leaves of the hedges change from orange to silver as the last light of the sun fades.

The bench groans as my weight leaves it, and I have to steel my heart not to let the pain in my breast show.

I’ll go back to Draenyth, back to my father, and tell him a truth that is anything other than the one that matters.

Even with my heart in pieces, I won’t give my father a chance to hurt Ainslee.

A soft wind blows through the Labyrinth from behind me, and a magical scent wafts past me.

It’s one I could never forget. Wisteria and veilwood smoke.

I turn to see Ainslee standing behind me.

Not her in a different form. No, it’s her in all her glory, with a smirk on her face and her hand on her hip.

“You’re not the only one who can surprise someone,” she says. “You’re losing your touch.”

I don’t know how to respond to seeing her. I’d given in to despair, and right now I can barely believe she’s real. Yet, my heart races as I look at her, at those beautiful dark green eyes sparkling with a life that no one else has ever had.

Ainslee takes a few steps toward me, and my gaze never strays from her eyes. “The Prince of Steel, caught unaware by a woman from a Lesser House. What would the nobility think?”

“You came.” It’s all I can manage to say as the smile on my face replaces the pain in my chest.

“I did. I have bad news, though. I don’t get to leave Selithar for quite some time. I’m stuck here for an entire month. Are you sure you want to spend the next month doing absolutely nothing important at all? It’s going to be dreadfully boring. No adventures. No new sights to see. Just… Selithar.”

The laughter that rises in my throat isn’t purposeful or even reasonable for a response to her words, but I can’t help it.

“What? I didn’t say anything funny.” She looks confused, and that only makes me laugh harder.

She takes a few steps closer to me, and I don’t need the wind to catch her scent now.

It stops the laughter abruptly. The smile doesn’t leave, though.

“Ainslee, I don’t care what we do. I just…

I want to spend time with you. I’ve missed you, and hearing you have an entire month with nothing to do sounds like the best news I could have heard. ”

Her smile isn’t what I’d expected. It’s soft and almost bashful. A touch of blush colors her cheeks, and I’m a little surprised at her response. I’ve been open about my feelings. I had to put on a diplomatic mask in public, but even then, I haven’t been very discreet about them.

“Plus, I’ve spent no time in Selithar. Maybe it will be fun to explore the city as nobodies. They say Selithar has some of the most beautiful places in Nyth. It has to be called the City of Moonlight for a good reason.”

Her smile breaks, leaving a wistful look behind. “I hate this place, Rhion. I dread the thought of it. Nothing good has ever happened here. I told you once that this wasn’t my home, and those feelings haven’t changed. I doubt I’ll ever think of it as a beautiful place.”

I reach out and take her hands as I have done so many times.

“You were born here, so at least one wonderful thing happened here. I think we can make this place less dreadful together. You might not remember this, but I do. When you first came to Draenyth, you hated it just as much. You told me you hated all the Great Houses. They scared you because of how powerful everyone in them was. You especially hated the House of Steel. But we made Draenyth a happy place together. We walked through the Keeps. We explored the Keep of Flames and Steel together. We danced at the Keep of Shadows during the winter solstice ball. We made Draenyth your home. Together. We can make Selithar just as fun, just as happy.”

I can see her remembering the time we spent together as children, and she smiles. “We did make Draenyth fun, didn’t we?”

I nod to her. “We’ll do it again. I know there are terrible things coming in the future, but there were always terrible things on the horizon.

Casimir and my father have always been at odds.

Cole and I were born with tension between us.

Power surrounds us all, and that won’t change, but we found happy moments.

Now we have a month of happy moments before we have to think about the rest of the world.

We just have to reach out and take them. ”

Ainslee squeezes my hands. “I think I could do with a month of happy moments, Rhion. I don’t know if I believe they’ll be as wonderful as our childhood was, but maybe they’ll be better than what I’m used to.”

“You know, I remember a girl who let Cole do the worrying. I remember a girl who snuck out of Draenyth with me at night to watch the fireflies.”

Her laughter sings to my heart, and instead of the ache in my chest that I’d felt earlier, I feel full.

Happy. Alive. “The fireflies,” she says.

“I can’t believe we never got caught. What would your father have done if he’d found out you’d snuck out of Draenyth with me, a girl from the House of Light? ”

I don’t have to question it. I know exactly what he’d do.

He did nothing. His captain of the guard had beaten me senseless, though.

I’d had to stay home for three days while the bones healed.

I’d been small enough that my magical healing was still slow.

My father hadn’t said a single word to me.

The captain had read me the charges and punishment my father had assigned me.

He’d tied my arms to a pole, and while I could have escaped with Steel powers, it wouldn’t have done any good.

He’d used a mace to shatter my shins. He’d moved upward to my hips, to my ribs, and finally to my arms.

The captain told me afterward that my father had only prescribed the punishment when he’d found out who I’d gone with. If I’d snuck out, I’d have had my rations cut, but sneaking out with a girl from a Lesser House had put him into a rage.

“It would have been bad,” is all I say. “But it still would have been worth it. Seeing you laugh like that is one of my favorite memories. Plus, no one else could convince quite so many fireflies to come. Your Light powers made them think you were one of them. When else would I have been able to watch you dancing with a thousand fireflies on that riverbank?”

“It was fun,” she says softly. “Though, it would’ve been better if you’d danced, too. Why didn’t you?”

That had been the question so many times. Why hadn’t I joined in? At the balls. With the fireflies. Ainslee had always danced, and when she’d tried to pull me into one, I’d always pushed back.

“Because I was afraid of what would happen if I’d danced with you,” I say honestly. “You wouldn’t understand. Your powers make you glow. My powers… change me .”

Ainslee frowns. “I have Steel powers, too. Why would pride ever be an issue with dancing?”

I shake my head slowly. “It wasn’t dancing that I had a problem with. It was dancing with you . Ainslee, I wanted two things when I was young. To grow up and become the best King of Steel ever born and…”

There are two kinds of lies. The ones we tell the world and the ones we tell ourselves.

The ones we tell the world are simple. They escape our lips and become a layer of truth that we must maintain, an onion skin that hides the layer of actual truth.

They protect the truth and keep it safe from the world.

Telling a soldier that he’s doing something grander than protecting his lord’s wealth protects his ego, protects your property, and protects the relationship you have.

The lies we tell the world are simple, but the ones we tell ourselves are not. When we tell ourselves a lie, it’s to protect ourselves from the truth.

When a man tells himself he could win a fight even though he is older, slower, and less trained than his opponent, it’s saving himself from the despair of truth.

He isn’t his opponent’s equal. So why should his wife look to him for protection?

Why should his children look to him for advice?

Who wants protection or advice from the second-best option?

A man cannot go through life believing himself lesser. It will be the end of him, so he lies to himself and doesn’t give the world a chance to disprove him.

I stare into Ainslee’s eyes. The emerald green pulls me in, and I do the thing I swore I’d always do. I tell her the truth even if it’s admitting the lie I’ve told myself for so many years.

“I wanted only two things in life. I wanted to become the best King of Steel and to make you happy. I told myself that I’d done that.

I told myself that dancing with you, the thing you loved more than anything else in the world, would make you happier than if you danced alone.

If that were true, I would lose control, and the Steel power that flows through me would manifest in terrible ways. ”

“But I understand Steel powers, Rhion, and there’s no way you’d have hurt me.”

I shake my head. “I thought I’d have embarrassed both of us, but that’s not truly why I was worried. No, I was afraid you would hate dancing with me. I was afraid that instead of making you happy, I’d ruin it, and… And I think that even as a child, that would have broken me.”

Ainslee frowns before she shakes her head. “Rhion, you wouldn’t have ruined anything. You were my friend. You were…” She stops before she says anything more. I know she remembers how close we were, how much she meant to me, but the look in her eyes says something very different.

“Maybe. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter now, though.

” I step back, and she lets me go. I stare past her at the Labyrinth long enough that the silence becomes louder than our words had been.

The heart-shaped leaves of the vines hanging from the stone walls shake in the same breeze that alerted me to her.

The rush of the cool air reminds me of fall in Draenyth, but it’s the beginning of winter, and the air’s barely cold enough to warrant a cloak.

“Well, we have a month in Selithar,” I finally say, breaking that looming silence. “What would you like to do first?”

Ainslee’s smile is a broken thing. Fractured like our friendship and clinging to what it could be rather than what it is, it’s beautiful.

It’s so similar to the vines that make their way across the cracked stone.

There’s hope there. There’s a spark of life that proves this thing between us isn’t dead.

Even after almost a thousand years, the bond between us may have withered, but there’s still a touch of green.

It only takes a moment before she says, “The Hanging Gardens. You said you wanted to be a visitor, to see the sights of Selithar, and everyone sees the Hanging Gardens.”

I know them, though I’ve never been there. “The most romantic getaway for any Immortal?” I ask, and my smile matches hers—fractured and hopeful. “Sounds like an odd first adventure.”

“It’s a walk, and walks have always been a safe thing for us.”

I nod and slowly bow to her with every bit of formality taught to me. When I rise, her eyes are sparkling. “Then I shall see you tomorrow evening, Lady Ainslee, and we will begin our slow exploration of the City of Moonlight.”

“You’re ridiculous. You know that, don’t you?” Her words have a dancing cadence. Staccato, like her footfalls when she’d danced as a child, but they’re sparkling like diamonds on stone.

“I will be whatever you wish me to be. I’m rather good at it,” I say with a smirk, and my face changes in the span of a breath, going from the attractive soldier’s face to an old man, covered in wrinkles with obviously thick laugh-lines along my cheeks.

Then she reaches out and takes my hand again. “No. I want you to be yourself, Rhion. No masks. I need you to do that for me. I can’t see through the changes like you do, and if we’re going to go through this month like when we were children, I need you to be you.”

There are a myriad of reasons not to do that. News of my spending time with Ainslee could reach my father, which would be disastrous. People could recognize me and change the way they act toward us. There’s only one reason to do as she says: because she asked it of me.

“I’ll be whoever you wish,” I repeat.

Then I pull away from her, and without another word, I walk to the entrance of the Labyrinth, knowing that her eyes follow me.

I know, better than anyone, how much seeing someone leave will tug at the heartstrings.

While I want nothing more than to spend every second for the rest of this month with her, I can’t let myself do that.

If I were to allow myself to get lost in her, the inevitable end of the month would come, and I’d be shattered.

The most I can allow myself is what we had as children. Friendship. We can remind each other what it was like to smile without reservation. Anything more is leaping from a cliff and knowing stony ground lies beneath me rather than the water I dream of.