Page 33 of Stay (Stay #1)
CASSIDY
“ I ’ve never been here before.” My fingers fidget with my skirt before smoothing the fabric out. The only thing I can focus on is that by the end of the evening, Cole will know all of my secrets.
As the hostess seats us in the dining room, her gaze continuously strays to Cole. It’s almost comical how oblivious he is to her lingering looks. A grin springs to my lips as she returns to the front of the restaurant.
“What?” A smile curves his lips upward as his golden-hued eyes lock on mine. Cole has such a direct, unflinching stare. Sometimes I wonder if he can see straight down to my soul.
“Nothing.” Glancing away from him, I look around the cute Italian restaurant Cole chose for us. “This place is really nice.”
There are crisp white cloths covering each table and the lighting is dim.
Even though the atmosphere is intimate, I notice other students dining here as well.
It seems like a strangely popular place for being so far from campus.
My guess is that the aroma permeating from the kitchen is the reason for that.
Although, it’s doubtful I’ll be able to force much down.
Cole takes in the interior as if seeing it through my eyes. I’m surprised by the hint of sadness that lurks in his eyes. “My parents used to take me here when I was a kid. It was my dad’s favorite restaurant.”
Not understanding the pensive look or somber tone, I ask, “Do you still come here with your family?”
His gaze falls to the menu on the table. Silence falls over us as he sucks in a breath before releasing it. Only then does he glance up again. There’s a heaviness to the atmosphere that wasn’t there before.
“My dad died when I was ten.”
Stunned by the admission, I reach across the table and cover his hand with my own. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, “I didn’t know.”
How is it that I didn’t know something so important?
The loss of a parent…that devastating.
He gives me a forced smile, one that’s meant to be reassuring. “It happened a long time ago.”
I shake my head unable to fathom what it would be like to lose my mom or dad. “That must have been really difficult.” I gulp as hot waves of emotion flood my chest. Difficult doesn’t begin to describe that kind of loss.
Devastating.
“He was hit by a drunk driver and died at the scene. There wasn’t anything that could have been done for him. The kid who caused the accident walked away without a scratch.”
My heart twists as I squeeze his hand. “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”
The sentiment feels flimsy. There’s nothing I can say that will dull the pain of his loss. Losing a parent so abruptly…
I can’t imagine it.
My parents and I are going through a rough patch, but they’re still there if I need them. Hopefully, with enough time, we’ll be able to mend what’s broken between us.
Cole doesn’t have that luxury.
“For a long time, life really sucked.” His gaze drops to the table.
“I guess that’s why I have a hard time understanding how people can just cut each other off.
No one would do that if they understood what it felt like to have someone ripped from their lives.
There are no second chances to repair relationships.
You have to make peace with their death the best you can and move on. ”
A wet lump of sawdust settles in the middle of my throat, making it impossible to breathe as his words churn through my head.
What can I say to that?
Cole doesn’t have a father, and would probably give anything to have him back in his life, while my family is barely on speaking terms.
It all feels so pointless.
A heavy silence falls over us as we sit quietly, each lost in our own private thoughts.
When he clears his throat, I glance up. “The tattoo on my side is for my dad. It’s the Mathews family coat of arms. I wanted something permanent that would be with me forever since he couldn’t be. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded of how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.”
His thickly spoken words have unspent emotion pricking the backs of my eyes. My heart twists for the little boy Cole had once been.
The one who’d lost his father.
The one who still misses him.
“I’m sorry. I wanted this to be a nice dinner. I didn’t mean for our conversation to get so heavy.” He reaches for my hand before bringing my fingers to his lips and pressing a soft kiss against my knuckles.
“So…any idea what you want to order?”
I blink, trying to shake off the oppressiveness of the moment.
Pasta is out of the question. There’s no way I can stomach something so heavy. “I think I’ll just get a salad.”
His brows pinch together. “The spaghetti and meatballs are amazing. Sure you don’t want to try it?”
I shake my head before giving him a slight smile. Attempting to steer our conversation toward lighter terrain feels impossible after what Cole shared. Part of me wants to come clean and blurt out everything just to get it out in the open.
Our server stops by to take our order, and within fifteen minutes, our plates are bought out. I’m even less hungry than I was before. I don’t know how much longer I can sit here and nervously pick at my salad.
Cole notices my lack of appetite. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” This dinner hasn’t gone as expected.
He reaches across the table and nabs my fingers with his own.
“I’m sorry, I wanted tonight to be nice.
We’ve never really gone out before, and I wanted it to be special.
That’s why I brought you here.” A hint of a smile curves his lips upward.
“Note to self—don’t talk about dead father on first real date. Total buzzkill.”
I shake my head, unwilling to make light of such tragedy. My heart aches for Cole and all the things he missed out on with his father. It makes my own situation seem foolish because it’s self-inflicted.
“No, I’m glad you told me.” It doesn’t escape me that I want to know everything about him, even though I’d rather keep certain pieces of my past buried where no one can find them.
He squeezes my hand. “Are you ready to get out of here?”
I hate to admit it, but I’m relieved that dinner is over. At this point, I want to find a quiet place where we can talk.
“I need to use the bathroom and then we can leave.”
He nods as I slide from the booth and find the ladies’ room at the back of the restaurant. As I stand in front of the mirror, I give myself a silent pep talk.
I can do this.
I’ll tell him and everything will be just fine.
He’ll understand.
I straighten my shoulders before heading back to the table. My pace slows when I notice someone sitting across from Cole. A prickle of unease snakes down my spine as I realize it’s the guy I was dancing with at the party.
What’s he doing here, and why is he sitting with Cole ?
My gaze flits to Cole just in time to see him shake his head as confusion settles across his features.
My feet feel frozen in place. I’m almost afraid to join them. It’s no more than a heartbeat later when Cole glances away from the guy and our gazes collide. I don’t have a clue what’s going on between them, but I can tell that something isn’t right.
“Cassidy.”
When he holds out his hand, I have no choice but to cross the space. As I reach the table, Cole grabs my fingers and pulls me down beside him in the booth.
Anxiety bubbles up inside me until it feels like I’ll choke on it.
Cole gestures toward the guy sitting across from him. “Cassidy, this is Luke Wellington. He plays hockey with me.”
I glance at Luke before my gaze snaps back to Cole. I have to remind myself that I didn’t do anything wrong when I danced with him a few nights ago. Other than that one interaction, what else could this be about?
“Luke thinks you two know each other.”
My heart pounds painfully against my ribcage as I admit, “He’s the one I danced with at the party Saturday night.”
Strangely enough, that explanation has Cole’s muscles relaxing.
“I’m sure that’s it.” His gaze flickers to Luke before sliding to mine.
“He thinks you two went to the same school last year. Luke is a junior and just transferred from out-of-state. I keep telling him that you’re a freshman and it’s your first year at Western. ”
And just like that, the bottom falls out of my world and I’m in freefall.
The acidic taste of bile rises up in my throat as my wide gaze settles on Luke again and I search his face with more care.
It’s only then that something clicks in the far recesses of my brain.
If he hadn’t pushed the issue, it’s doubtful I would have recognized him.
It makes me wonder if a small part inside me had tried to mentally block it out.
But I see it now.
Luke played on the men’s hockey team at Dartmouth last year.
Maybe second or third string. He hadn’t been clean shaven like he is now.
As recognition sets in, my stomach sinks to the bottom of my toes as it all falls jarringly into place.
My breath hitches painfully. In that moment, I want to bolt from the restaurant.
“You look just like someone I went to school with. The resemblance is kind of freaky.” He continues to scrutinize every inch of my face, just like when we’d danced together. “Do you have a sister or cousin who plays women’s hockey at Dartmouth?”
A fine sweat breaks out across my palms as I shake my head. “Nope, no sisters or cousins at Dartmouth.”
Even though he shrugs, the look in his eyes says he doesn’t believe me. The silence at the table turns stifling.
“I guess you’ve got a doppelg?nger out there, Cassidy,” he says nonchalantly.
It takes effort to pull my stiff lips into a thin smile. “Yeah, maybe.”
Bile churns at the bottom of my belly like a washing machine on spin cycle.
Gaze holding mine captive, he leans toward me, pressing against the table that separates us. “The similarities are almost uncanny.”
I need to get out of here right now.
He remembers that horrible night.
Even thinking about it makes me cringe as panic spreads through me like poison.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
The last thing I want is for Cole to hear the entire sordid story from Luke.
As if in slow-motion, I turn to Cole. “I’m ready to go, if you are.”
Relief washes over his expression as he nods. As we come to our feet, I scoot away from the table. Nerves prickle along my skin.
Luke rises to his feet and nods to a table full of guys across the restaurant.
Cole gives them a chin lift in greeting before clapping Luke on the shoulder. “All right, I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.”
“Yup. Catch you later, man.” His gaze locks on me. “It was nice seeing you again, Cassidy.” His words are light, but there’s an undercurrent woven throughout them.
“You, too.” I force a slight smile before hightailing it from the dining area and shoving through the glass doors. As soon as I’m outside, I inhale gulps of chilly air, needing to calm my racing heart.
How can I turn around and tell Cole the truth when I just lied? And Luke didn’t look convinced either. He remembers the night I’ve tried so hard to forget.
It’s one thing for me to rehash last year without anyone else knowing the details, but now Luke is at Western. He saw me at my absolute worst and probably knows things I can’t remember.
Even if I could have gone back to Dartmouth, I wouldn’t have. Western was supposed to be a fresh start. No rumors or whispers. No ghosts from the past to haunt me.
The little bit of salad I’d forced myself to choke down roils in my belly, and for one awful moment, I wonder if I’ll be sick in the middle of the parking lot.
“Cassidy?” I jump as Cole lays a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” He searches my eyes in the darkness under the bright parking lot lights.
I glance away, not wanting him to see too much. I can’t tell him the truth.
Not now.
My plan had been to get it all out in the open so there wouldn’t be any more secrets between us, but the words are sticking in my throat like a lump of wet sawdust.
With fingers that tremble, I stroke my temple. “I had a bit of a headache before you picked me up and it’s gotten worse. Would you mind if we cut this short and you drop me at the dorms? I’ll feel better if I lie down for a while.” It’s not a total lie. A massive headache is brewing.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders before pressing a kiss against the top of my head. “Of course. I’m sorry about tonight.” A weak chuckle escapes from him. “It didn’t exactly go the way I planned. ”
It’s a relief to know that in less than fifteen minutes I’ll be at the dorms. And then I can sort through this whole mess and figure out what I’m going to do.
As we drive back to campus, I stare out the passenger side window. Just like Cole, I’d imagined tonight going differently. Instead, all I’ve managed to do is heap more lies onto the ones that need to be untangled.