Page 21 of Stay (Stay #1)

CASSIDY

“ W hat’s up with your hockey hottie?”

Ever willing to force her nose where it doesn’t belong, Brooklyn swipes some bright red lipstick on before shoving a finger into her mouth and dragging it out again.

My brows slide together as I watch her. “Maybe you’d like to be alone right now?”

She rolls her eyes before giving me a you’re so clueless look. Since it’s nothing out of the ordinary, I’m not offended by it.

“That’s how you remove excess lipstick from the inside of your lips, so it doesn’t end up on your teeth.” She bares her sparkling white teeth in the mirror to make sure they pass inspection.

“Huh.” Impressed with that beauty tip, I tilt my head. “Neat trick.”

She winks before brushing out her thick blonde mane.

Normally, Brooklyn leaves her hair loose so it can flow freely down her back because guys go crazy for her long glossy strands.

They love it in a way that makes them want to wrap it around their fist and yank her head back (Brooklyn’s words, not mine).

Tonight, however, she twists it up into a topknot.

“Don’t change the subject. What’s up with you two? I want details. And lots of them. ”

My gaze skitters away as I shrug with a forced casualness.

I don’t want to discuss Cole. Especially with Brooklyn. She and Austin are still going strong, which is a total shocker. After my last therapy session and the disastrous trip home, I’ve decided to take a step back from Cole. The thought of making another mistake is almost paralyzing.

“Nothing’s up.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m wondering about. You two were getting serious.”

Even though it’s not a question, it requires an explanation. And if I know Brooklyn, she won’t let this go until she’s been fully briefed.

With a sigh, I decide to go with something that loosely resembles the truth. “I need a little breathing room.”

When her gaze settles on mine in the mirror, I get the feeling she’s sifting through my eyes for the truth. “Is Cole aware of that?”

I break eye contact. “I don’t know. We’re not official or anything like that. We’ve been hanging out. We’re just friends.”

Lie.

Big lie .

Cole isn’t interested in being just friends . Not that I’ve spoken to him about it. Instead, I’ve taken the coward’s way out and have silently distanced myself from him.

Trust me, I’m aware of how shitty my behavior is.

As she whips around to face me, I’m startled by the irritation aimed in my direction. “You know that he really likes you, right?” There’s a pause. “And you’re just jerking him around.” She purses her lips as if disappointed in my behavior.

I squeeze my eyes tight and shake my head.

It was never my intention to string Cole along. Even though I like him, I still can’t bring myself to share the details of my past.

My own family loved me—supposedly unconditionally—and they turned their backs on me. It feels easier to push him away now rather than make another mistake or have him walk away from me.

He might not realize it, but it’s better this way.

“That wasn’t my intention. ”

Her lips flatten into a thin line. “You better think about what you’re doing, because Cole is a really great guy and you’re going to lose him if you keep this up.”

Brooklyn isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know. Cole is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, let alone been with. Maybe that should be enough of a reason to take a leap of faith, but I’m too afraid to do it.

“Do you realize how many girls like him?” Anger ignites in her eyes.

“Then throw in all the freaking hockey groupies.” She scrunches her nose before spitting out the next words.

“I swear, if I catch one more puck bunny hanging all over Austin, someone is getting bitch-slapped into next week.” She gives me a hard-edged stare.

“If you’re smart, you’ll get in there and stake your claim, because, trust me, someone else will be more than happy to do it. ”

A feeling of helplessness washes over me as I shake my head. I can’t do that right now. Cole isn’t mine to claim. I have no rights to him. In the end, I’ve decided it’s best to let him go. He deserves a girl who has her shit together, and that’s not me.

I get whiplash when she changes the subject. “Are you coming with us tonight?”

Already I know she’ll be hanging out with Austin, which probably means Cole too. There’s no way I can remain strong around him. He’s become a pro at breaking down my defenses.

I tear my gaze away from hers before mumbling, “Sorry, can’t. I’ve got homework to finish up.”

Brooklyn stares at me for a long moment. “It’s Friday night, and once again you’re playing the lame card.”

“Yup.” I give her a thin smile, thankful she’s accepted the excuse instead of arguing about it.

“Whatever. Don’t bother waiting up for me. I’ll probably crash at Austin’s tonight.”

“I figured.”

A few minutes later, Brooklyn walks out the door, leaving behind a cloud of perfume in her wake.

It’s not like I was making up excuses to avoid running into Cole.

I actually have a ton of reading to plow my way through, two homework assignments due on Monday, and an econ paper to outline.

Can I start it all tomorrow and still have it done with enough time to spare?

Probably.

If I’m experiencing any remorse about pulling away from Cole, I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I bury myself in my work. Two hours later, I’m at the beginning stages of my outline for the econ paper when my phone chimes with an incoming text.

Ran into Brooklyn, she says you’re staying in?

I freeze, unsure if I should answer the text. I don’t want to get sucked into a conversation with him. I’m afraid of getting too wrapped up in him.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that being with Cole is easy.

Too easy.

It was the trip home that had me seriously reconsidering my decision to see Cole. Little did my father realize that he’d echoed the same concerns Dr. Thompson had broached during our session. I can’t help but wonder if they’re both right.

Maybe the best course of action is to focus on straightening out my life before getting involved with someone. At this point, I’m still finding my way. Even though everything seems to be going well, that doesn’t mean it can’t turn to shit at the drop of a hat.

Carefully, I set the phone on my desk before returning my attention to my econ outline.

Ten minutes slide by and I can’t seem to pick up the threads of my previous thoughts.

Frustration roils through me because I know Cole is the reason for my inability to concentrate.

I snap up the phone before reading over his text and tapping out a reply.

Lots of homework.

His response pops up almost immediately.

Can I come up?

My eyes widen.

Come up?

That would mean Cole is already here.

At the dorm .

I grip the thin device in my hand before squeezing my eyes tightly shut. I can’t deny that part of me is leaping for joy, because I’m dying to see him. But I also realize that it’s a slippery slope. The more time we spend together, the more difficult it is to keep my barriers firmly intact.

The phone chimes again, snapping me out of those thoughts.

Cassidy? Are you there?

Yes. Come up.

Ok. See you in a few.

I leap from the chair to pace, and worry my bottom lip with my teeth before straightening my hair.

Deep breath in. Slowly exhale out.

Deep breath in. Slowly exhale out.

Before I can do it a few more time, there’s a knock on the door.

Loud music pours in from the brightly lit hallway as I open it.

People are laughing, yelling back and forth.

Even though it’s against the dorm rules, a few guys swig beer from cans as they toss a football from one end of the hall to the other.

“Hi.”

When his gaze collides with mine, I’m once again struck by how good-looking he is. My fingers itch to plow their way through his dark shaggy strands. I have to shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans so I won’t do exactly that. This already feels like a mistake.

Nerves flutter about in my belly. “Hey.”

He glances around the room as if taking everything in before resettling on me again. His gaze is always so direct and forthright. Like he sees everything. Cole has already proven himself to be astute, always watching and anticipating my needs. He knows when to push and when to back off.

Two long-legged strides eat up the distance between us. He’s so close that I have to crane my neck to hold his gaze. Again, the urge to touch him surges through me. All the memories of us snuggled up and kissing in his bed rush through my mind. It doesn’t take long for desire to follow.

“I’m going to kiss you now, Cassidy. ”

Even as he murmurs the words, he’s already on the verge of capturing my lips. My arms tangle around his neck before tugging him close, needing to feel more of him.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers before delving in for more.

I’ve missed him too.

Way too much.

“You’ve been MIA,” he adds.

“I’m sorry, it’s been really busy.” It’s more than that, and I wonder if he realizes it as well. My guess is that he does.

It’s been almost a full week since we made that awkward drive back to the dorms. We haven’t seen much of each other since that day. He’s reached out, wanting to spend time together. I’ve kept him at a firm distance with excuses.

The truth is that I needed space.

Time and space to work through all the shit in my head.

I wasn’t sure what he would do. Maybe get fed up or irritated? Instead, he backed off, giving me the time I needed. He didn’t badger or hound me. If he had, it would have been much easier to get annoyed and cut things off.

When I’m wrapped up in his arms like this, all the protests grow silent. When I’m with him, a strange contentment washes over me.

“Do you have more work or are you finished for the night?”

My gaze darts away. I should keep working. I really should…

“No, I’m done.”

Without warning, his lips lower to mine. When his tongue sweeps across the seam, I open and he delves inside. That’s all it takes for me to melt against him. Unable to resist, I do what I’ve been dying to since I first opened the door. I tunnel my fingers through his hair.

A growl rumbles up from deep within his throat.

I don’t want to stop touching him, and I certainly don’t want him to backoff either. It’s tempting to stake my claim just like Brooklyn suggested earlier.

He licks at my mouth, nipping at the corners until I’m the one whimpering, needing more. After a few breathless moments, he kisses his way down the column of my neck to the collar of my shirt .

“Cole…”

Barely can I force his name out.

What he’s doing feels amazing.

“Hmmm?”

“I don’t think we should take this any further.” I pause, trying to catch my breath along with my scattered thoughts. “I’m sorry.”

This is exactly what he does to me.

Instead of pushing for more, he nibbles his way back up to my mouth before pressing a lingering kiss against my lips.

“I know.” He shrugs as if stopping isn’t a big deal. One corner of his mouth hitches before he presses his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for.”

I step away, searching his whiskey-colored eyes. Sometimes it feels as if I could stumble and fall right into them. I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I did.

If I allowed myself to fall.

If I stopped retreating and took that leap of faith.

A thin shiver snakes its way down my spine as I continue to inch away.