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Nirvaan

Friday, 9 December 2022 IIT Delhi, New Delhi

‘You’ve got to have the will to build anything and everything from scratch in life.’

W hen does a person feel like they have achieved enough in life? We set goals for ourselves, and we achieve them. Then we set even bigger goals and march off on the quest to achieve them too. Sometimes, we’re happy while on the journey and sometimes we wait desperately for the destination. But at no point do we ever feel fully satisfied with what we’ve accomplished.

But these goals that we’re always chasing—are they even set by us? Or have they been imposed on us by society? Who is the master? Us or society? Has the modern world been designed as such? Are we like that circus-trained lion whose tricks are never enough for its master even though it risks its life to achieve them?

Then again, if we have nothing to chase, why would we even wake up every morning and live through the day? Won’t it feel like death to be that purposeless?

I’m on the way to my alma mater, IIT Delhi, five years after having graduated as a computer science engineer. My mind has been flooded with existential thoughts since very early in the day, but let’s shift our focus to the weather for a bit. If you’ve ever been to Delhi, you’ll know how cold it gets during the winter. And if you’ve never been to the city, you would’ve definitely come across the dilli-ki-sardi memes on the internet. But this week hasn’t been just plain cold; the weather has taken a magical turn, with heavy rain and chilly winds sweeping across the city. And that hasn’t helped with how I’m feeling.

It seems like it was just yesterday when I was a student at IIT-D, and it’s been hard to come to terms with the fact that in reality, many years have passed since then. I woke up in the morning today to a mixed bag of feelings in my heart. I was both happy and nervous all at once—happy because I was headed back to the campus after a long gap, despite living in the same city (although on an on-and-off basis); and nervous because I’m now an alum the students really look up to (I’m on the other side!). And to top it all, I’m also kind of sleepy because I wasted too much time on the internet last night, watching a new show on Netflix and then scrolling through the reels tab on Instagram.

When will I grow up?

‘Ahh! I’m not a student anymore!’ I sigh.

Rather, I’m on the panel of entrepreneurs who’ve been invited to the institute’s very own Shark Tank-like pitching event called Navachaar , a forum run by and for IIT-D students and alumni. The word ‘navachaar’ roughly translates to innovation in English. I know this now because it’s the first thing I googled while sitting on the toilet seat this morning. Now, my mother tongue is Malayalam, and I grew up in elite circles that value and propagate English like it’s their very own language. My Hindi, therefore, is not very strong. I’m a victim here, and I really can’t be blamed for this. But I’m making up for it in this new India that values our cultural roots like never before. I’m proud of my South Indian-accented English.

A little restless, I roll down the window of my car and partially stick my head out to breathe in the luxuriously fresh air that is rarer than sanjeevani booti in this polluted city. No, I’m not the one who’s driving. Since I’m almost always on the go, I prefer to be driven by our driver, Veeru Uncle. He’s been working for my family for so long now that he’s one of us.

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to invest in a startup or an initiative that addresses this air pollution issue for a long time now. But I’m yet to either come up with an innovative idea myself or find a bunch of individuals interested in taking it up. Pity!

Raindrops tip-tap softly against the roof of the car, their rhythmic patter composing a soothing lullaby. The earthy aroma of wet soil that rises up when raindrops fall from the sky is pure magic. It wafts in through the open car window and makes my heart sing. It stirs up memories from my childhood, when we would make small paper boats and dance in muddy puddles after every rain. And then adulthood, especially in college, when the rains triggered that insane urge to smoke a cigarette and sip some hot ginger tea or coffee at a roadside stall, an urge so strong that it was like a gun held to your head by a gangster. You either do or die at a time like this.

Who says time machines aren’t real? Because when we reach the campus a little later and drive past the entry gate, in the span of a single moment, I travel nine years back in time to when I first came to this place. So yeah, the gates of the institution are practically a time machine for me! The corroded pathways, the red brick towers, the central library—everything transports me to a time of my life that I miss the most. Some parts of the old buildings are hard to recognize now because they have been renovated, yet the feelings they evoke are the same. A rush of memories, some joyful and some not so great, flood my mind.

The rain has come down to a drizzle. I see students walking around and a few guys playing basketball. Their faces are unfamiliar and strange, but I feel a weird sense of belonging.

Nostalgia hugs me like a warm blanket on this cold, rainy morning, and I am reminded of the person I was when I first entered IIT-D. My mother had come to drop me in her fancy pink car. It was the first time I was going to be away from my family and live in a hostel with a bunch of crazy folks. And as it turned out, IIT-D’s hostel life was exactly like the image I had in my mind after watching the famous film 3 Idiots .

As my mother drove away after dropping me, I watched her car grow smaller and smaller until it vanished from sight. Tears rolled down my cheeks. This would be the second time in my life that I cried, but I never called my mother back nor did I ever mention this to her.

Incidentally, the first time I cried was just a few weeks before that, when Kiranjeet, the first love of my life, moved abroad to study at her uncle’s dream university. She had no idea that I was there the day she left, looking at her from a distance as she said goodbye to her parents and disappeared into the vast entrance hall of the Indira Gandhi International Airport. Later, I sat in my best friend Vedant’s car, parked on the road outside the airport, watching flights taking off and waving them goodbye. That was when I cried for the first time.

And that spot near the airport was, ironically, the same place where Kiranjeet and I had made out in the same car after our school farewell party. It was where I had felt both ecstatic and then devastated across a span of a few weeks. How was I to know when Kiranjeet and I were kissing and promising to meet each other more often that this very place was also going to mark the end of our relationship?

Because Kiranjeet had never loved me the way I loved her. She loved her ambitions more. I, on the other hand, had the opportunity to study at IIT Kanpur and pursue elective courses that were more suited to my interests, but I chose to stay back in Delhi only for her.

That night, I had sobbed helplessly on Vedant’s shoulder as he drove me back home. Vedant is my dearest pal and only he knows that I’m capable of shedding tears—men are not supposed to cry after all! The rest of the world looks up to me as this motivational warrior on LinkedIn who’s capable of taking over the universe with his intelligence and charm. I’ve been described as one of the most eligible and sought-after bachelors in the country by numerous magazines, but the truth is that I’m very lonely.

As we make our way towards the auditorium, we leave behind corners that echo with memories of late-night study sessions and youthful dreams. This place, my college, where I enrolled as a young boy with a broken heart, means so much to me. It was exactly the sort of place that I needed to be in to pave the way for the Nirvaan I’ve become now. My days here were a time of boundless possibilities, where every lecture sparked curiosity and every friendship felt eternal.

A bittersweet longing for those simpler days when I was filled with hopes and aspirations sweeps through me as nostalgia grips me harder. The person I’ve become now is stronger and more confident than ever. And this was exactly what I’d wanted for myself. I’m now a name to be reckoned with in the startup industry. I’ve made it in life, finally! I’ve arrived! I find myself filled with a sense of pride and gratitude.

Veeru Uncle drops me off at the main entrance of the auditorium building. The weathered facade of the red brick building stands tall and proud just like the old times. There are bougainvillea shrubs with magenta blooms dotting either side of the main entrance and vibrant green vines going all the way up to the top of the building. Each year, as new batches of students enrol at the institute, it’s as if these creepers are filled with a renewed sense of vigour to grow. These vines are symbolic of the new life now, rising and falling with every passing year and breathing fresh energy into the timeless structure of this historic building.

‘Namaste!’ A beautiful young girl wearing a black business suit emerges out of nowhere, or so it seems.

‘Hey, hi!’ I say, snapping out of my thoughts.

‘Hi, Nirvaan! We’re thrilled to have you as one of the panellists today,’ she chimes.

‘Yes, I’m thrilled to be here too. I’m really looking forward to it. What’s your name?’ I find myself curious about her.

‘I’m Shubha. It’s my first semester here and I’m excited to be a volunteer at this event.’

‘Nice to meet you, Shubha. Tell me, what made you volunteer for the event?’ I ask.

‘Well, I wanted to get involved with the extracurricular activities here on campus and meet new people as well. I also have an interest in exploring the world of entrepreneurship. I don’t know if I want to start a company like you someday, but …’ she trails off.

I’m not at all surprised by her answer. She’s simply following the script that every new student follows. In fact, I used to talk exactly like her when I was in my first semester.

‘I also participated in such events when I was a student here. Now that I’m older, I always enjoy sharing my experiences and insights with young, aspiring entrepreneurs,’ I say, wanting to build a rapport with her.

‘Awesome! I’m really looking forward to hearing what you have to say during the panel discussion, and to seeing which ideas win!’

‘But you know, when you’re an entrepreneur, it’s not really about winning or losing. It’s about pursuing your idea relentlessly for as long as you can,’ I say.

‘Well, do you have any advice for someone like me who’s just starting out in college?’

‘Absolutely! Don’t hesitate to connect with people and learn from them. Don’t be afraid to take risks and learn from your failures. And most importantly, believe in yourself and in your ideas. Now that’s three pieces of advice!’ I laugh out loud.

We enter the auditorium as we talk, and she shows me the way to my seat. ‘Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep it in mind,’ she says. ‘I’m sure I’ll learn a lot from you and the other panellists today.’

‘If you ever have any questions or need some advice, feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn!’ Even as I say this, I know it’s an unnecessary plug. Clearly though, I’m really working on growing my presence via networking.

My seat is one among the six seats in the front row that have been reserved for the panellists. I find my name written on a small reserve tag placed on one of the chairs in the middle of the row. As I sink into the old and weathered red seat, I exchange a smile with the only other panellist who’s arrived before time. The man looks like a top management executive from a reputed multinational. He has that big-man aura around him. He doesn’t exchange any words with me, and is engrossed, instead, in making notes for his panel speech. I’m also supposed to speak, but I’m not the kind who prepares beforehand; I almost always just go with the flow. In fact, that’s my approach to life.

The rest of the panellists arrive quite late, with the last one reaching almost thirty minutes after the scheduled time. Needless to say, the session gets delayed as well. Honestly, I don’t know why Indians take pride in arriving late, especially when they are in an enviable position of power. I believe in punctuality so much that now I have the opening sentence for my speech, and I instinctively make a mental note of it.

I listen only selectively to the participants who come and present their ideas one after the other. For me, it’s impossible to keep my attention focused on a pitch after the first three minutes. If a pitch has something that strikes my interest within the first three minutes, I listen to it intently. But if it doesn’t, then I’m completely tuned out. I don’t even ask any questions then. Some people find it rude, but I find it best to not say anything at all if you don’t have something nice to say. Let’s put this in another way: I invest my energy very wisely.

I keep waiting for that one passionate entrepreneur to come and shake things up. It’s like waiting for that first joke to crack you up when you attend a standup comedy gig. But none of the presentations stir me. The very thought of going up on stage and announcing that I won’t make even a single investment is embarrassing. And then, at the very end of the session, when all my hopes of finding an idea to invest in have taken a backseat, a girl with a fiercely positive vibe and a very obvious sense of passion for her idea arrives on stage. She has the kind of captivating presence that would make even the lizards crawling on the walls and the spiders hanging from the auditorium ceiling stop in their tracks and pay attention to her.

‘Good morning, everyone! My name is Asmitha Menon. I’m a data scientist, an AI enthusiast, an entrepreneur and a mother to three—my dog Muffin, my daughter Lena, and my husband Balaji. Today, I’m thrilled to introduce to you a revolutionary and groundbreaking app that I’ve developed: AILENA!

‘AILENA stands for Artificial Intelligence-based Love and Engagement Neo Algorithm. It has been designed to find and unite soulmates through meaningful experiences shared in the virtual world.’

Incredulous murmurs echo through the auditorium.

Undeterred, she continues, ‘AILENA’s primary function is to facilitate love and to connect soulmates through advanced algorithms and data analysis. This innovative app promises to find the perfect match for every one of its global users by delving into the particular intricacies of their lives and desires.’

The audience leans in with interest now, half of them smitten by her effervescence and the other half intrigued by her idea.

‘When you’re tired of endlessly swiping right and left on matchmaking apps, hoping to find someone who truly understands you … enter AILENA! She goes beyond hot, sexy bodies and shady conversations, and digs deep. Through advanced AI algorithms, she analyses compatibility scores based on metrics like family values, socio-cultural backgrounds, personal interests, professional backgrounds and other specific personality traits, ensuring that each match has the potential for a deeper, more meaningful connection. If you allow her access to your social media and other background apps, she’ll learn more about you than you probably know about yourself!’

Asmitha’s batchmates now cheer loudly for her.

‘But here’s where AILENA truly sets herself apart. They say that you know a person better only when you travel with them. At Utopian Life Innovations Company (ULIC), we believe that shared experiences are the foundation of any strong relationship. That’s why we’ve created a virtual world within the app universe where users can engage in immersive activities together, from walking hand in hand as they explore different cities to embarking on virtual adventures or going for a coffee date near the Eiffel Tower. These experiences will not only strengthen the bond between the users, but also provide a safe and fun environment for them to get to know each other on a deeper level. This is also perfect for those users who don’t want to meet in the real world until they are truly ready.’

Many in the audience clap at this point, showing their approval.

‘Now, you might be wondering if there’s more. Well, here’s the icing on the cake—for every successful match made on AILENA that ends in an engagement, we pledge to donate a portion of our subscription profits to an NGO that supports mental health awareness. By using our app, not only are you going to find your soulmate, but you’ll also make a positive impact on the world. So, join us as we revolutionize the world of online dating and unite soulmates together, one match at a time.’

Asmitha pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing, ‘And for our panellists, the potential investors, I’d like to tell you all that as we speak, we’re gearing up for the beta launch of the app tomorrow morning! Thank you for listening patiently.’

The audience gets up to give her a standing ovation as she exits the stage.

The emcee now steps up to the podium and apologetically informs everyone that due to a shortage of time, she has to cancel the speeches by the panellists. ‘But the lunch area is open for post-event networking,’ she announces before leaving.

Unlike in reality TV, where everything is scripted and TRP-driven, decisions at real, on-ground events are made only after due diligence has been performed. The meetings that take place in these networking events are part of this process.

I move to the lunch area, hardly interested in the food, and look around for Asmitha. I see that she’s already speaking to that guy with the big-man aura. I walk swiftly towards them, and address Asmitha, ‘I have to catch a flight to Dubai in another four hours. I’m interested in investing in AILENA. But for that, you’ll have to talk to me right now.’

I move away a little and wait for her. The big man gives me an angry frown, but I choose to ignore him completely. I know that Asmitha is going to come to me. After all, I’m the youngest entrepreneur in the entire lot whose LinkedIn bio says ‘AI enthusiast’.

Asmitha flashes a curt smile at the big man as she turns towards me and chimes, ‘Nirvaan! It’s good to see you after all these years. I’m so glad you’re interested in AILENA.’

‘It’s good to see you too, Asmitha! Although, I must admit that it’s kind of ironic how in spite of being batchmates here at IIT-D, we barely ever interacted back then, and yet here we are, about to talk funding. I know you’ve come to the event to secure an investment from me.’ I smile.

‘How can you be so sure?’ She looks shocked.

‘As with the matters of the heart, when you know, you know!’ I wink playfully and extract a laugh from her. ‘When I’m interested in something, I don’t go for long, impractical conversations. I’m rather keen to know more about the product. And I believe that one can understand a product better only when they use it themselves once,’ I continue.

‘But we’re only going for a soft beta launch tomorrow. The final product will not be released for a while!’ she protests.

‘Sign me up for the beta launch then,’ I say politely but assertively.

‘I’d love to, Nirvaan, but we’ve programmed AILENA to pick up just two people after analysing all the user data,’ she explains.

‘Make me one of the two people and then find me a match! The other spot is still open to thousands of users who might sign up, isn’t it?’ I bait her.

‘But this is like rigging a fair game, Nirvaan!’ she resists.

‘Everything is fair in love and war. You should understand this better than anyone else since you’re in the business of love.’ I don’t give up.

‘You’re putting me in a tough spot.’

‘You’re the creator, Asmitha. Whom are you answerable to? No one! Also, keep this confidential.’ I try to lure her once more.

‘I’m answerable to AILENA. She’s my creation, yes. But she’s been built with values and principles.’ Clearly, she still wasn’t convinced.

‘You just have to reprogram things a little bit. Come on!’ I push her, hoping to see her answer change.

‘How much will you put in?’ she asks.

‘Five million,’ I blurt out the first figure that comes to mind. ‘And this is just me being your angel investor. I’ll help you secure another round of funding from a VC firm back in Silicon Valley within a year.’

‘No sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t take this offer,’ she says politely in a really low voice.

‘Why?’ I demand, pretending confusion. I obviously know that I’m asking a founder to play with their creation.

‘Because I can’t lie to AILENA or manipulate her algorithms. It isn’t good for my company’s value system either. But thank you once again!’ she says.

We shake hands and she starts to move away.

She’s barely taken five steps when I call her once again, ‘Asmitha!’

She turns back. ‘Did I forget something?’ She checks for her phone in her handbag.

‘No, but I forgot to hand over the cheque I’d written for you back in the auditorium!’ I smile.

Her face lights up as she walks back to me and takes the cheque. ‘But it isn’t signed!’ she exclaims.

‘You impressed me with your conviction, Asmitha. But I’ll only sign that cheque after my firm does the due diligence of your company,’ I clarify.

‘Thank you! Oh my God! I can’t believe this. I thought I’d just lost the whole deal.’ She shivers with excitement as she speaks.

‘Well, good luck! Let’s schedule a meeting sometime soon,’ I suggest.

‘By the way, you can try your luck with the beta test tomorrow. All you have to do is sign up via a social media account.’

‘I don’t need that! I’ll probably get married by the end of this year,’ I tell her. ‘I was just trying to test you! For me, a founder’s value system holds more importance than anything else. Anyway, see you soon!’

Her quick departure reminds me that I have to rush to the airport as well.

I run back to my car. ‘Paaji, airport,’ I direct Veeru Uncle the minute I get in.

‘Ok, veere!’ he says cheerfully.

The rain had stopped a while ago and the clouds had made way for a bright, sunny afternoon. As I gaze down at the city from my window seat in the plane a little later, the view is crisp and the colours vivid. It’s almost as if I’m looking at things through the best filter that has ever existed in the history of mankind—when the rains have washed everything clean and everything sparkles with high-definition clarity.

I quite like flying to Dubai because it’s not a very long flight from Delhi, unlike those to the Americas or Australia, which take a toll on my body. Being jet-lagged isn’t my thing and I’m becoming more and more of a homebody as I inch towards hitting my thirties.

In fact, I’m a bit like those oldies who play golf all day long—only, the sport I actually enjoy playing the most these days is betting on new ventures. Before this, I liked cycling, then it was playing football, and finally, speeding my car. Now, the thrill of investing gives me a dopamine kick, and I’m off to Dubai to have some new adventures!

Truth be told, last year hadn’t been so promising, and many of the companies I’d invested in failed. It was like playing snakes and ladders—just before I reached 100, I was bitten by the longest snake on the board, and I was back to square one! But that’s the whole game of being an entrepreneur and investor. You’ve got to have the will to build anything and everything from scratch in life.

The last two years were also tough due to the pandemic, but I have a newfound sense of gratitude for being alive. I rejected an offer from one of the biggest IT companies in the world, and then went on to sell my first venture, the one I had started in the third year of college, for ten million. Entrepreneurship has been in my blood forever, and I’m raring to step my new game up!