Page 67 of Soul So Dark

“Nothing,” he shakes his head, “I don’t want to get punched.”

It has to be a dick joke. It’s always a dick joke.

I slide the lid shut again. “You’re gross.”

Just as I turn back around, I see Alex pull his phone out of his pocket and look at the screen. I can’t see his face, but a few seconds later, he looks up and his head slowly moves from side to side, looking for me. I rake my bottom lip through my teeth to hide my smile while Austin keeps telling me about the plans for tonight.

But it immediately disappears when a blonde girl appears next to Alex’s chair. It’s Jordy, the senior from my Psychology class. The dull roar of the cafeteria makes it impossible to hear.

Does he know her?

She turns and sits on the edge of the table, facing him while she begins talking. She keeps smiling at him in a way that makes me think they’re not just friends. Would Alex actually be attracted to someone like her?

What am I saying? Of course he would. She’s thin and blonde and her skin looks like it was airbrushed onto her bones like one of those girls I watch on YouTube who post makeup tutorials.

But she’s so…mean.

It’s annoying the hell out of me that I can’t see Alex’s face. Not like I can read lips or anything, but I could still see his facial expressions, orsomething.Or maybe I don’t want to see how he’s looking at her. Because she’s still talking and still smiling and it doesn’t look like she’s leaving anytime soon.

Then, to my utter horror, Jordy swings her leg over Alex’s knees and takes a seat on his lap. He leans back in his chair slightly, but otherwise doesn’t move. I can’t hear what Austin’s saying, or if he’s even still talking. Sounds mute and all I can hear is a rush like my ears are filled with water.

Now I feel ridiculous for sending that text, as if a couple of nights playing video games with me qualifies as anything meaningful. But we still talked about our dead family members, didn’t we? Does he do that with everyone? But the fact remains thatI’mnot sitting at their table,I’mnot the one talking to him about fuck-knows-what right now, andno oneknows that I’m anything more to him than Colson’s little sister.

Just like before.

Watching her sitting on Alex’s lap, right in front of everyone, is only another stark reminder that I’m not one of them, and I’ll never be one of them. But he laid next to me onmybed, readingmybook, and then kissedmebefore sneaking back outmywindow.Hedid that. And now I’m completely nauseated by it. But I’m not going to cry like I did last time. I’m never going to cry in front of any of them ever again.

Instead, I look on out of the corner of my eye as Jordy drapes her arms over Alex’s shoulders and leans forward, but I turn away before her lips meet his. A sour mixture of betrayal and humiliation swirls in my gut, and I can’t watch anymore.

I turn my back to listen to Austin while I block out everything around me. And then I feel it; the one thing that I thought made me different from Colson. Pure rage burns through my heart like a wildfire and drips through my ribcage like acid. And at that moment, there’s nothing but darkness in my soul.

Because I hate Alex fucking Barrera.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Alex

That didn’t take long.

But I knew it wouldn’t. The PlayStation is older than me, but with all those games, I knew Dallas finding everything hidden under her bed would be like Christmas morning. Because that’s how she is. She appreciates that kind of thing—like me.

I switch seats today and decide to sit on the other side of the table because it’s easier to see her on the opposite end of the cafeteria. She and her friends sit along the wall, against the floor-to-ceiling windows that line the west side of the room. But she’s not there yet. I’m still scanning the room for her when someone appears at my shoulder, and when I look up, I wish that I hadn’t.

Jordy plucks one of my French fries off my plate and pops it into her mouth. “Have you made up your mind about prom yet?” she asks with an impatient sigh.

“When is it? I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Saturday,Alex,” she replies in the same sarcastic tone.

I shift my gaze across the cafeteria, letting my eyes wander while she waits for my response.

“That depends,” I tip my head back, “what’s your dress look like?”

Jordy’s eyes glimmer as a coy smile seeps across her face. “It’s nude, with diamonds on it.”

Bydiamonds,I assume she means some glitter and cheap rhinestones.

I run my eyes up and down her figure. “Is it tight?”