Page 176 of Soul So Dark

I cringe to myself as it rolls off my tongue. It seems like so long ago, but simultaneously like it was just yesterday. It was a couple of weeks that felt like a hurricane—a tornado inside a hurricane—and then it was over. He hit me like a tidal wave one day, then school ended, he left, and I stayed. That was that. I never heard from Alex again.

Alex…

I don’t say his name and I don’t talk about him to anyone. I guess that’s what happens when you have a secret love; he only exists to you and no one else. And when he leaves, it’s like he never existed.

“But you don’t know?” AJ asks.

“It’s what my brother said.”

“I can see why you wear it then,” AJ says gently.

A chill skitters up my spine, the chaotic emotion threatening to overwhelm me.

“Well,” I take a breath and try to tamp them down, “then why don’tyougive me something to wear?” I tease.

“Maybe I will,” AJ replies with a tilt of his head.

And that’s where he leaves it, before he continues vanquishing dragons and fighting bosses like we do every other night we play together. I don’t think much of it until the next day when I get a text from him while I’m walking to class.

AJ (10:42AM): I got you something.

ME (10:45AM): What for?

AJ (10:46AM): To keep you interested until GalactiCon.

ME (10:46AM): What is it?

AJ (10:47AM): Something pretty for you to wear. Send me an address and let me know when you get it.

I don’t give AJ my real address. I don’t think he’s Bowen, but that gnawing feeling in the back of my mind still gives me pause. No one is completely safe anymore.

Instead, I give him the department address at school. And, a couple of days later, as expected, I get an email from the admin in the Computer Science and Engineering Department letting me know that a package arrived for me. As soon as I get out of Interactive Systems, I head for the mail room next to the copiers.

It’s a small box, and to my disappointment, AJ knows how to maintain his anonymity even through the mail. The return address is from somewhere in New York, but it’s obviously a business address. I can’t stand the suspense and grab a box cutter from the supply shelf. After slashing the tape on each edge, I start digging my nails into the cardboard.

And when I rip the flaps open, I freeze.

“What the fuck…” I murmur, taking another look at the contents inside the box.

Did I really just have a box of purple sparkly butt plugs and a bottle of lube sent to my department at school?

Quickly, I close the box, tuck it into my bag, and hurry out of the room. But I can’t help but laugh when I think about whether Dr. Silcox, who is probably old enough to have sent argumentative letters to Einstein, has any idea that a box containing a butt plug set was sitting on the shelf next to his replacement motherboards. Perish the thought.

I’m not even through the front lobby before I decide to call AJ.

“Hello?” he answers in his usual deep monotone.

“Why did you send me these?”

“Because I can give you fancy gifts, too,” AJ replies. “And because I’m going to see you at GalactiCon in a few days. Until then, you’re going to use them, and when we finally meet, you’re going to be ready for me to fuck you in that gorgeous ass. Because that’s all I’ve wanted to do since the first time you asked me to play with you.”

I come to a dead halt in the middle of the sidewalk. Once the initial shock subsides, a tingling sensation immediately takes its place, feeling like a thousand spiders crawling through my stomach and down my thighs. That’s what he’s been thinking since we met through two screens three years ago? I should probably be offended, revolted, completely turned off by his brazen declaration.

But I’m not.

“What if I don’t?” I ask. “How are you going to know?”

“Because it’s really going to hurt when it’s me inside you for the first time instead of a little silicone toy.”