Page 165 of Soul So Dark

“I know the feeling.”

“I didn’t have any real problems back then,” he muses. “I didn’t know shit about losing anything before Evie died. But the guys were there, and even though I felt so alone, I knew I wasn’t. Because of them…” He trails off for a moment, and then turns to me with a languid smile. “Hey, remember when Alex used to sneak into our house to play video games with you?”

Oh my god…

“Then I beat his ass that one time I caught him coming downstairs,” he laughs to himself.

The whiskey must be hitting him right about now. I bring my own glass to my lips and take a gulp, arching my brow in acknowledgement and hoping he’ll move on.

“I heard he got caught in all that shit that went down on that base years ago, when all those guys died in that attack and then the brass got hauled in front of Congress. I don’t even remember where it was. Did you know Alex’s dad was a Marine and he got deployed to the Middle East, too? Fucking wild…”

Now Colson’s rambling like I’m not even here, lost in his own mind. And I really wish he’d stop.

“A while ago, I was sitting in my truck up in Kaktovik and I looked at the group text. I don’t know what made me open it because I never have service there, but the last one was from Aiden. And he said Alex died.”

And, just like that, the earth cracks in two. My muscles go rigid and I feel my jaw start to drop before I snap it shut again. I try not to move a muscle even though my heart feels like it’s about to burst straight through my chest. Colson’s still rambling, acting like he didn’t just say what he just said.

“Alex was always the one looking out for everyone,” he continues with a momentary slur. “And he’d fucking fight, Dally. He’d go to the mat for any of us, and he’d always win.”

“I bet,” I mutter, clenching my teeth to maintain my composure. “How, um, what hap—”

Colson flinches and mumbles a curse before reaching behind his back. He pulls his phone out of his jeans and glances at it with disdain before ignoring the notification and tossing it on the side table.

“I can’t go back to Dire Ridge, Dallas,” he states with sudden conviction that catches me off-guard. “Something happened.”

Join the club.

“What happened?”

Is he finally going to tell me why he left so abruptly the day of his college graduation, why he took some pictures with us, went home, threw all his shit in his Bronco, and drove out here?

Colson rakes his teeth over his bottom lip. “There was—isthis girl…” He trails off for a moment, a faraway look in his eye before he flinches like he just remembered where he is. “She was supposed to come out here with me.”

“Here?” I don’t ever remember him talking about a girlfriend, or girl of any kind.

“Yeah.” Colson closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose. “I was going to take her with me, wherever I ended up going. And I would have, except—” he stops himself, scrunching his face painfully.

Jesus Christ, did he run away across the whole damn country because he was torn up over some girl? Since when does Colson let a woman get in his head?

“Except what?” I press, becoming more and more insistent that he finally tell me what spooked him so much.

“You want to know what I did to her?”

“If it’ll explain why you abandoned me,” I say with an edge.

At first, I say it to try and get a rise out of him, to ensure he keeps talking and doesn’t veer off on another tangent. I don’t think I can survive another one. But I also say it because Iamangry at him. Because now I’m caught in the crossfire between him and Bowen. And, most of all, I’m angry that Bowen is trying to destroy who I am and turn me into a hollowed-out shell just because he hates my brother.

The bitter smile on Colson’s face suggests that my tactics are working.

“After the first night I saw her on campus, I never let her out of my sight. I even followed her home over winter break. And then I waited for her to go to sleep before I popped her lock, went into her room, and sat next to her bed…all night long.”

A heavy silence hangs between us as I let his words sink in.

“Colson,” I say softly, careful to maintain my tranquil tone, “had you ever spoken to her before?”

Part of me already knows the answer.

A sheepish grin creeps across his face. “No.”