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Chapter twenty-two

Gage

“What are you doing here?”

Dallas Sheppard is the last person I expected to see standing in the doorway of my hospital room. But when I see him holding my helmet and keys, I sense that this isn’t a friendly visit, but a sendoff.

“I brought you your bike.”

“I can see that. Trying to run me out of town now?”

“No, but I figured you’d want to leave, so I’m just making it easier for you.”

I stand from the bed, gaining my footing before walking toward him. My body feels weak, no doubt about that, but the last thing I want to do is continue to lie in this bed when there’s a bunch of shit I need to take care of —starting with getting back to Florida as soon as possible.

And Dallas’s gesture is sure as hell going to help me get there faster.

“What’s the catch?”

He shakes his head as he hands me my helmet and keys.

“No catch. But if you’re leaving, you’d better be sure that’s what you really fucking want.

” He takes a step closer to me. “I’m sorry that you ended up in the hospital last night.

The last thing I wanted was for your health issues to be revealed like that. ”

“Yeah, right. You probably fucking enjoyed it.”

He tilts his head. “You think I enjoyed seeing my sister break apart when you were lying there unconscious? You think I enjoyed watching her cry after you told her to leave? You think that pushing her away is what’s best for both of you?”

“She doesn’t need me bringing down her life, Dallas.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Gage. Hazel would never see it that way. You’re the one convincing yourself that you’re some kind of burden, but that girl? She would never walk away from someone she loves because of a little heart condition.”

“It’s not that simple,” I grate out. “But you know what? Doesn’t matter.” I move to walk past him toward the door. “Thanks for bringing me my bike.”

He reaches behind his back and pulls a pink envelope from his back pocket. “Before you leave, I was told to give you this.”

“You were the one delivering these?”

He shakes his head. “No, but I do know who was, and I’m just helping them out.”

“Ha. Well thanks.”

“Gage?” I pause. “Hazel will wait for you. But if you don’t plan on coming back, make sure she knows so she can move on with her life. That’s all I ask.”

With a tight nod, I walk out.

The second I hit the highway, my engine roaring beneath me, I expect to feel relief.

This is what I wanted.But all I feel is guilt and pain—the type of pain that no doctor can treat.

***

“ Well, your episode wasn’t the worst one you’ve had yet, which is good.

” Dr. Miranda continues to read the chart that the doctors in Carrington Cove sent over after my stay there.

When her eyes lift, I can see the concern in them laced with an ounce of hope.

“It wasn’t as bad as the one you had when your aunt died. ”

Just the mention of why I wasn’t there after my aunt left this earth piles on the guilt I haven’t been able to shake for the past two days.

Coming back to Orlando and stepping into my old apartment was surreal because I’ve called this place home for the past ten years, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it anymore.

“So what does that mean?” I ask, afraid to know the answer but needing it anyway.

“Well, a few things. That means the medication you’re on is helping manage your symptoms, but we could try a different medication to see if we could eliminate the episodes altogether.

I’d love to do another scan of your heart while you’re here to check to see if the muscle thickness has changed at all. ”

“And what if it has?”

“Then we discuss your options.” Dr. Miranda rests her hands in her lap. “I told you, Gage. This is a process. We take it one step at a time, one symptom at a time, until we get you stable and living a relatively normal life.”

“And what if I never get that?” I ask, my voice rough. “What if I end up dying before the age of fifty in my sleep like my father?”

She sighs, leaning back in her chair. “Your father refused surgery that could have saved his life, Gage. We’ve been over this.”

“Surgery has risks.”

“ So does not having surgery, but being open to it is half the battle. My goal is to give you the longest life possible, but you have to stop fighting me.”

I stare at the wall, looking at the same damn poster of the human heart I’ve been staring at for two years. One trip to the ER and then I was here, talking to Dr. Miranda, the same doctor who treated my father.

It was one year after I lost my dad to a heart attack and found out about the heart condition he’d been living with and kept from me.

But that day I’ll never forget—that day when Dr. Miranda told me that I inherited HCM from my father was the day my entire life changed.

“But as of right now, surgery isn’t an option for you,” she says, pulling me back from memory lane. “I’m still optimistic that the right medication and lifestyle changes can drastically improve your life. Sometimes it just takes a while to find the right combination.”

“What if I don’t have time, Miranda? What if I die tomorrow?”

She leans forward in her chair now. “We all could die tomorrow, Gage. That’s no reason to give up.”

I stare back at the wall, remembering the look on Hazel’s face when I told her that I wanted to be alone, that she needed to leave and remember that this marriage was just for money.

She looked like I slapped her, called her the worst names in the book and basically told her that I hated her guts.

But that’s the complete opposite of how I feel.

I’m in love with that girl, just like I told her that I was, which was my worst fear coming alive.

It’s not dying. It’s not never seeing another sunrise or sunset.

It’s leaving behind someone that I love like my father, mother, and aunt have left me.

I d on’t ever want to do that to someone else, no matter how shitty or amazing the relationship is.

And the relationship with Hazel is more than I ever imagined it could be.

Fuck, the woman makes me want to live —to experience everything life has to offer, to wake up next to her and fall asleep with her in my arms, to open up my own tattoo shop like I said I always wanted to.

She makes me want a future.

I just wish I could get my head and heart to believe in it too.

“Are you planning on going back to Carrington Cove?” Dr. Miranda asks.

“I—I don’t know yet.”

“Well, how does Hazel feel about all this?”

When I left Florida to move to Carrington Cove, I had to tell my doctor where I was going and why. One thing she’s always asked me for is honesty. The woman literally holds my life in her hands, so the last thing I want to do is lie to her.

“Hazel just found out when I had the episode.”

She presses a hand to her forehead. “Oh, Gage. Why are you so stubborn?”

I huff out a laugh as I brace my forearms on my knees. “Because I didn’t intend to fall for this girl. I didn’t think telling her was necessary if I planned on leaving once our six months were up.”

“And now? Are you saying that you have fallen for her?”

I sit up tall again and swallow the lump in my throat. “I have.”

“And what did she say when she found out?”

My jaw clenches tighter. “She said that we can make decisions together.”

Dr. Miranda smiles at me. “She sounds like an amazing woman who’s fallen for you too, Gage. So are you going to let her be a part of your l ife? Or are you going to live alone and hide this like your father did?”

Her words cut deep because I know she’s right.

The question is, can I be strong enough to let Hazel see me at my weakest? Because I still haven’t gotten used to that version of me—and I don’t know if I ever will.

***

I flip the pink envelope over in my hands again for the hundredth time, bracing myself for what’s inside.

After everything else my aunt has asked me to do, I’m afraid of what this one will contain. But there’s only one way to find out, so I slide my fingers under the seal and pull the paper from inside, unfolding the three pieces of paper and taking a deep breath as I read the words on the page.

My Dearest Gage,

If you’re reading this, it means she knows, and I’m glad. It’s about time you stop hiding behind your diagnosis and start making the most of your life while you still have one.

And Hazel? She’s the type of person that loves with her entire soul, Gage.

She accepts people for their flaws and greatness.

She has the heart of a saint and the stubbornness of a bull, which means she’s the perfect fit for you.

She will test you, push you, and love you despite your insistence on not giving or receiving love in return.

I’ve known it for so long, but time wasn’t on my side until now. You’ve had time together, time to get to know one another, and I can only hope that what you’ve learned is that fighting with someone for the rest of your life is better than fighting against what life has dealt you.

You needed to realize that your diagnosis isn’t a death sentence, and I figured the best way to convince you of that was to give you something, or someone, to fight for.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed, Gage, no matter how healthy you are.

There are people who eat healthy and exercise every day that die of lung cancer, for crying out loud.

But you have the ability to live a normal life.

Your children could also. Your diagnosis isn’t a death sentence, Gage—it’s a reminder that life is short and when you find something worth living for, that’s what your focus should be.

And if there is one person who could help you see that, it’s Hazel Sheppard.

The moment you lost your dad, I knew there were no words of comfort I could offer you.

Despite your difficult relationship, he was still your father and the way he left us was going to leave a scar on you no matter what I said.

But Hazel knows what love and loss feel like. She knows how unfair life can be, and when she lost her dad, I saw the same thing in her eyes that I saw in yours—like you lost your person.

So I figured maybe, just maybe, you two could be that person for each other.

Let her in, honey. Let her love you the way you deserve. Let Carrington Cove be the place that makes you feel whole and gives you a chance at a life that you never imagined possible.

I wish there was more that I could have done for you as a child.

I still feel guilty about it to this day, but hopefully through my death, I can help you find your future in a way that you never imagined could be yours—with a woman who will love you for all of your triumphs and flaws, heart condition and all.

Love,

Diane