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Hazel

Age Nineteen

I watch the waves roll in toward the shore and back out again as the moonlight shimmers on the water. Swiping away a tear, I barely react to the sound of the lighthouse door opening and closing from below, my father’s footsteps echoing on the stairs.

“You found me,” I say dryly as he clears the final step and studies me across the small space.

“Wasn’t exactly difficult, seeing as the keys to the lighthouse were missing from their hook.”

I pull the key ring from my pocket, holding it out to him without taking my eyes off the water. “Sorry.”

My father closes the space between us, grabbing the keys before settling next to me on the bench beneath the window. “No need to apologize, Hazelnut.”

Another tear falls down my cheek. “I just needed some space.”

“No need to apologize for that either.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. “Talk to me. ”

“I’m pathetic.”

“Hey, you’re talking crap about one of my favorite people on this planet, so you’d better knock it off.”

I scoff through my tears. “I’m serious, Dad. Who the hell thinks her boyfriend at nineteen is the one?”

“Lots of teenagers,” he counters. “Hell, I pictured every girlfriend I had back in the day as my future bride.”

I look over at him. “Really?”

He winks at me over his shoulder. “Come on, does that really surprise you?”

I attempt a smile before looking back out at the waves. “I guess not.”

“Hazel, you are a romantic at heart, just like your old man. There’s nothing wrong with that.

It just means you have so much love to give, and one day, you’ll find the person that deserves it all.

But remember, you’re only nineteen. Age doesn’t mean shit, but the life experience that comes with age will help you know when you’ve met the right man.

Maybe in the meantime, you try to be more selective.

” He taps his chin. “You need a rule breaker, someone who isn’t afraid to push the limits—because if you end up with someone who doesn’t push you, you’ll be bored. ”

“Casey was getting kind of boring,” I admit, even though it pains me. Even though he wasn’t the most exciting guy, he had some good qualities about him that made me think we could have had a future.

He nudges me with his shoulder. “See? That’s a red flag right there. Be grateful to him for what he’s taught you and move forward.”

He makes it sound so simple, but we both know it’s not.

“Just promise me,” he continues, “that no matter how exhausted you may get looking for the right person, you’ll never stop fighting for him when you do find him. He’ll probably need that from you more than he’ll be willing to admit. ”

I frown. “Why do you say that?”

“Because men have a habit of not seeing what’s right in front of them until it’s too late.”

A heavy sigh leaves my lips. “I just want what you and Mom have.”

He huffs out a soft laugh. “You realize your mother and I only have what we do because she never gave up on me, right?”

“You act like your relationship isn’t perfect.”

He shakes his head. “Oh, Hazelnut. If you think that, then I haven’t been doing a very good job of guiding your heart.”

I lean my head on his shoulder. “You have, I just…” I trail off, the words caught somewhere between my heart and my throat.

“If it weren’t for your mother, I wouldn’t be half the man I am today, or the father I strive to be.” He clears the emotion from his throat. “She doesn’t just love me—she chooses me every single day. Even when it’s hard.”

I glance back at my father, really looking this time. The wrinkles around his eyes have deepened, and the lines on his face are etched with the weight of a life fully lived. He stares out at the ocean, and for a moment, I wonder what memories the waves are pulling from him.

My father spent ten years in the Marines before coming home, carrying burdens that weren’t easily forgotten.

My mother never told me the full story, but I know my dad has gone through a lot, both physically and mentally.

My brothers joke that I got the best version of him since I’m the youngest of my four siblings.

The thought that he wasn’t always the loving and caring father he is now makes my heart ache, but more than anything, I feel truly grateful for the relationship we have.

Even though he’s the one who plagued me with this hopeless romantic curse, he’s also the reason I believe so deeply in love, even when it hurts. And he’s the one who helps put me back together every time my heart breaks.

“She really loves you,” I say finally, pulling his attention back to me.

“That she does. But loving someone doesn’t mean life is easy all the time. It’s easy to love someone when things are good. It’s the low points—the obstacles and hurdles—that truly test that love. Love is a choice, Hazelnut. And the right person? They’ll choose you over and over again.”

“I thought Casey had chosen me.”

“Casey can’t choose between two different kinds of sandwiches,” he teases, reminding me of how my ex agonized over his lunch order the other day.

I snort. “This is true.”

“Any man who can’t make a decision about a sandwich isn’t a man worthy of my daughter.”

“That’s a bizarre standard.”

“But it’s the truth.” He kisses my temple. “Honestly, I feel like no one is good enough for my little hummingbird.”

I roll my eyes, but inside, I melt. My father has called me Hazelnut for most of my life, but when I was little, he called me his hummingbird as well.

He jokes that I was always running around, never still, so I reminded him of the little bird that flaps its wings at lightning speed.

But as I got older, he told me about other things the bird represents—strength, courage, and the zeal for exploring life.

Honestly, hearing the nickname now after so long makes me feel inadequate, like I’ll never quite live up to it. But I know my dad loves me no matter what, especially when I don’t feel very strong or courageous.

Above us, the lighthouse beam sweeps through the night, cutting through the darkness before vanishing into it again—just like the way I fall for someone, bright and all-consuming at first, only for the light to fade just as quickly.

“The truth is,” he says, “very few people cherish love the way you do. Sadly, that means you’ll probably be disappointed more than reciprocated. And I know it sounds cliché, but as soon as you stop looking for love and focus more on loving yourself, the right man will come along.”

“That is cliché, Dad.”

He shrugs. “In the meantime, you know I’ll be here anytime you need me, okay?”

I lean my head on his shoulder. “I know.” This isn’t the first time my father has helped me mend a broken heart or told me not to lose hope for love. And even though I’m still young, he doesn’t make me feel childish for believing in soulmates or thinking I could find my person at such a young age.

God, I don’t know how other girls handle love and its aftermath without a dad like mine.

“And this place is always here when you need to escape for a while,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts.

“I know that too.”

Perched on the coast of our small town, the Carrington Cove lighthouse has always been a place of solitude for my dad.

It wasn’t until last year that he shared it with me.

Since then, it’s a safe space we retreat to when we need a break from reality—because staring out into the ocean from this vantage point is a reminder of how big our world truly is and how small our problems are by comparison.

“We romantics have to stick together.”

I sigh, closing my eyes as I squeeze his arm. “I agree.”

“And I can’t wait for the day you find the man lucky enough to have you.” He kisses the top of my head. “Walking you down the aisle to him will be the highlight of my life.”

“Mine too,” I whisper, envisioning that day as clearly as I can.

I just didn’t yet know who would be waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

Or that my father wouldn’t be there to walk me down it.