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Chapter eighteen

Gage

“Do you remember that time that Dad made us read the newspaper because we told him we were bored?” Parker asks as we cruise along the highway.

Dallas and Penn are in the front seats of the truck, while Parker, Grady, and I are packed like sardines in the backseat. We’re on our way to Blossom Peak and have already been on the road for four hours. Only three more to go.

The conversation has shifted from work to sports to kids, and then Penn brought up Mr. Sheppard, leading the brothers to reminisce about their dad and feeling his absence as Parker embarks on his marriage.

Dallas starts to laugh. “Yeah, and then it backfired because we found the sports section and started asking him a bunch of questions about hockey and football.”

Penn sighs. “I still can’t see a newspaper without thinking about him.”

Parker chuckles. “Same.” Then he grows quiet. “I can’t believe it’s been over three years.”

Dal las sighs this time. “I know.”

“Your father was a good man,” Grady interjects. “He’d be proud of the three of you. You’ve continued to give back to the town he loved so much. You’re all good men and good friends.”

Parker nods at Grady. “Thanks, man. I guess it just feels weird that I’m getting married and he’s not here.” He turns to me. “Was it weird getting married without your dad there?”

My throat grows tight. Honestly, I didn’t even think about my father when I agreed to marry Hazel, but that’s probably because I have a lot of resentment toward the man.

“My dad’s gone too, so…”

Dallas clears his throat. “Sorry to hear that, man.”

“It is what it is.” I have to shrug it off because I can’t tell them the truth. His death changed everything for me—just not in the way they think.

“How did he die, if you don’t mind me asking?” Parker asks, looking at me from his seat to my right.

“Heart attack.” And right on cue, my heart starts beating wildly.

All I want is to get through this weekend without reminders of what’s at stake, given how the dynamics of my relationship with Hazel have changed. But we’re not even at our destination yet and I’m already uneasy.

I packed my meds, I plan to stay away from alcohol as much as possible, and if these guys want to go on a hike, I’m going to stay back so I don’t risk passing out in the middle of the damn forest. Of course, I can’t tell them any of that without opening a floodgate of questions I’m not ready to answer, especially since Hazel deserves those answers first.

I just have no idea how she’s going to react.

Som ehow, in the past few weeks, my wife morphed from someone I was trying to avoid to the person I want to spend the most time with. And it’s not just about the sex, even though that’s fucking mind-blowing.

It’s her—every word that comes out of her mouth, every smile I can pull from her lips, and every time she touches me and makes me yearn for things I swore off years ago.

Yet, that’s the problem. I know I shouldn’t have crossed the line that I drew in the sand upon agreeing to this marriage, especially since my reasons for doing so haven’t changed. In fact, they’ve been reminding me what’s at stake every time I fight the dizzy spells after Hazel and I have sex.

But I can’t stop. The pull to her is too fucking strong.

I just have to keep hoping and praying that Miranda knows what she’s doing and can help me get my condition under control before it’s too late.

“Fuck. That sucks,” Parker says. “Were you two close?”

“Nah. My dad loved his job more than anything, hence why I was so close to my aunt. I spent a lot of time up here during the summers with her.”

“What about your mom?”

I turn to look out the window. “My mom took off when I was two.”

“Damn,” Penn chimes in. “I’m sorry, Gage. That’s tough.”

“I’ve made my peace with it.” I turn to face him and offer a placating smile, one I’ve perfected over the years, because the last thing I want is fucking pity. “Your dad had cancer, right?” I ask, trying to get the focus off me.

Parker nods. “Yeah. It hit fast too. Hazel took it the hardest.”

“Yeah, I kind of gathered that.”

“She talked to you about it?” Dallas asks as he continues to drive.

“ A little in the beginning, but she hasn’t mentioned it much since then.” My mind goes back to that conversation when she told me the meaning of the hummingbird to her, making my chest ache like it always does from the memory.

“Doesn’t surprise me. She tries to be the strong one, but she and Dad had a bond like no other.

Maybe it was because she was the youngest or because she was the only girl, but I remember every time I’d come home from deployment, if they weren’t home, they were at that damn lighthouse on the coast, staring out at the ocean or playing poker together. ”

Interesting. Hazel never mentioned that. Looks like I still have a lot to learn about my wife.

Fuck, I wish I was lying in bed with her right now so I could pick her brain some more—a thought I’ve been fighting for so long that it feels good to finally give in to it and ignore the fear lurking in the background.

“And if Dad wasn’t there, he was at the Veteran’s Center in town,” Parker adds. “He was a Marine for ten years. Honorably discharged.”

“Didn’t you serve as well, Dallas?” I find his eyes again in the rearview mirror.

He nods. “Yup, against Dad’s wishes.”

“Why was he against it?”

He scoffs. “It’s a long story that definitely requires a beer or two.”

“Well, there’s plenty of beer to go around this weekend, right?” Parker interjects, trying to change the melancholy mood as he slaps his brothers on the shoulders. “’Cause I’m getting married, you guys!”

Penn looks over his shoulder, annoyance written on his face. “Yeah, we know, Parker.”

He slaps Penn on the shoulder again. “Hey, it’s taken me a long time to get to this point, where I feel like I can actually be fucking happy. And that’s all because of Cashlynn, all right?”

Penn smiles at his younger brother. “I am happy for you, asshole. You deserve this, and I’m proud of you for working through your shit to get there.”

And in that moment, I wonder—do I even get to be happy? Because my secrets will come out at some point, and I’m worried they’ll destroy everything I’m finally letting myself hope for.

“God, last night was epic, though,” Parker declares, the ever-present smile on his face returning. “Granted, I know my little sister played a role in me getting to this point, but she deserved being given a taste of her own medicine.”

“Yeah, but don’t ever ask me to do anything like that ever again,” Dallas says from the driver’s seat.

“Me too. The only reason I agreed is because Astrid did,” Penn adds.

I turn to Parker. “You already know I only got one pass, so count me out of all future ploys to get back at your sister.”

Grady chuckles from his seat in the truck. “God, this family is a trip.”

“Do you want to see the picture of Hazel’s face?” Parker asks Grady, reaching for his phone from his pocket.

Grady holds his hand up. “Nope. I’m good. I trust that you enjoyed yourself, though.”

He smiles again. “I did. Worth every ounce of shit I’ll get from her for the rest of my life.”

***

“ I don’t think you brought enough wood.” Parker stares down at the pile of scraps that Penn is continuing to unload from the truck.

Penn tosses one more piece on the top of the pile, the sound echoing into the forest around us. “Better to have too much than not enough.”

“It’s summer though. It’s not like we’re going to freeze to death.” Parker kicks one of the logs that fell from the stack.

Penn stands tall in the bed of his truck, placing his hands on his hips.

“Let me educate you for a minute, little brother, since I know your precious hands don’t see much dirt or the outside.

” Parker scoffs as I get comfortable, crossing my arms over my chest, waiting for Penn to teach the youngest Sheppard a thing or two.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned since meeting these guys, it’s that Penn and Dallas grew up a bit differently than their younger brother did.

“Yes, it is summer, but that means that the bugs are in full force and once the sun goes down, it will get a lot cooler up here than you’re used to. So, the point of the fire is twofold—keep you from being a snack for the bugs and prevent you from complaining about being cold later.”

“If Cashlynn were here, I wouldn’t have to worry about being cold.”

Penn laughs. “Yeah, well you wanted a good old-fashioned guys trip for your send off into married bliss, so no girls are allowed.”

Just the mention of their women has me venturing back to thinking about Hazel for the hundredth time since we left for this trip this morning.

After a seven-hour drive, you’d think I would feel more at ease about being away from her, but the opposite has happened.

Right now, I want to be near her even more.

“Isn’t that right, Gage?” Penn’s voice pulls me from my thoughts as he hands me a beer.

My eyes drop down to the silver can, taking it with the intention of sneaking it back into the cooler at some point. “Sorry, I spaced out.”

Parker slaps me on the shoulder. “Yeah, I could tell. What’s going on, man? Are you afraid we’re gonna bash you on the head with a shovel and bury you out here so our sister gets the full 10 million, or what?”

Dallas smacks Parker on the back of the head. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Ow.” Parker rubs the spot Dallas just hit. “Come on. You don’t think Gage has wondered that same thing?”

“Honestly, it never crossed my mind until you just said it,” I say, much to his dismay.

“Well, shit.” His eyes grow wider. “Uh, just so you know, that wasn’t the plan.”

I chuckle. “I sure hope not, especially since your sister is growing on me.”

Grady walks up to the four of us standing in a half circle. “I was wondering how long it was going to take before she made you snap.”