Page 88 of Smoky Mountain Dreams

“But you’re fighting that, right? Because of what she toldyou she wants?”

“I am. Or I did.” Jesse took a sip of coffee and then a biteof toast. The jam was delicious—some sort of berry blend he couldn’t put hisfinger on. He savored the little bit of strange comfort its sweetness gave him.“But everyone from the judge to my attorney always said I don’t have a leg tostand on.”

“What about your in-laws? Nova and Tim? Are they with Ronnieon this?”

Jesse shook his head, chewing another bite of toast.Christopher had a smear of jam on his lower lip, and Jesse smiled, thinking ofreaching over to wipe it off, but then Christopher licked it away. “It’scomplicated. Nova and Tim are less convinced that there is only one right thingto do here. They’re fine with letting her go if I miraculously pull off a winin court, and they’re okay with not letting her go if I don’t.”

“They just don’t care?” Christopher’s expression made itclear that he found that hard to believe.

“It’s not that they don’t care. It’s more that they believeresistance is the source of all pain. They’re Buddhists. Kind of. They stillattend a Christian church sometimes, but it’s the most liberal,non-denominational church you can think of. There are like twenty members.”

“In this area, I’m surprised there are even that many.”

Jesse laughed under his breath. “They’re all hippies. FormerArrowmont artists. That kind of thing.”

“But if they don’t care what happens to her specifically,don’t they care what this is doing to you and the kids to have her lingeringthere?”

“They do care. They just think I’m going about it all thewrong way. That’s why I agreed to the mediation meetings with Ronnie beforeappealing the verdict.”

“How do they think you should handle it?”

“They want me to move on. They want me to be ‘happy’ and to ‘livemy life in the now.’ They want me to file for divorce and let responsibilityfor taking care of Marcy fall to them and Ronnie. They promised me they’llcontinue to work with a mediator to try to bring Ronnie around to the idea ofletting her go. But they’re such pacifists and Ronnie is such an asshole that Iknow, and they know too, that if I ever make that choice, Marcy will be hookedup to those tubes and machines forever.”

“But you agreed to the mediation, so you have some hopeRonnie can be convinced?”

“Hell no. I did it for Nova and Tim because they asked me todo it and I owe them that much. They’ve been through hell too. She was theirdaughter. And Ronnie is their daughter. The tension between us gets to them.”

“And that’s what you came back from today? A mediationmeeting.”

“Yeah. It’s not working. Nova and Tim say it’s because I’mnot actually looking to compromise. I just want to win.”

“Is that true?”

“What is there to even compromise about? There’s nocompromise between taking her off the machines and tubes and leaving her onthem. The closest thing to compromise is deciding not to treat the next illnessthat comes along—be it a bladder infection or pneumonia. You’d think Ronniemight agree to that given her fervent belief that God can do all things; healall things. But no. She won’t hear of it. She tells some story of God sendinghelicopters to a man in a flood as her reason. I didn’t really listen, but itamounts to God gave us medicines to use to keep people alive. Even if they’renot really alive at all.”

“Where do they think you can compromise?”

“Beats the hell out of me. If I give even an inch, the endresult is Marcy on those machines forever. Thereisnomiddle ground! How can they not see that?”

“I don’t know.”

Christopher rested his head on his palm, staring tiredly athis remaining jam and toast. Jesse could see a bruise rising on his neck fromwhere he’d sucked while they made love, and it made him want to takeChristopher back into his room and do it again. Fuck away this conundrum.

“What are you thinking about?” he finally asked quietly.Hopefully it wasn’t about not wanting to do this after all. Jesse’d felt sooptimistic when Christopher had agreed they were in this together.

“That I need to figure out who I can trust with this kind ofdecision in case something happens to me. I don’t think I could trust anyone inmy family. Maybe Joe, my brother-in-law. Everyone else wouldn’t care what Iwanted and just do as they saw fit. And I have no real idea what that might be.”Christopher leaned back and took a sip of coffee. “I’ll be up all night now.”

The thought of Christopher getting injured made Jesse’spulse spike and his mouth go dry. He forced a deep breath and a little smile. “Amanda’skeeping the kids. We could be up all night together.”

Christopher smiled back, the circles beneath his eyeslooking bruised. “That sounds nice.”

“What time do you have to be at SMD tomorrow?”

“I don’t. It’s Lash all day long. Assuming he’s not toodrunk, and if he is, well, it’s Martin Delroy’s lucky day.”

“It was my lucky day when you came to get your gran’s locketmade,” Jesse blurted. “I just…” He reached across the table and squeezedChristopher’s hand. “Thank you.”

Christopher lifted Jesse’s hand and kissed his palm. “Maybeboth our luck is changing.”