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Nell hadn’t expected to be this anxious.

She’d thought she was ready for this the entire drive over, but the moment Barrett walked onto the stage, her resolve shredded into the same nerves of a fan meeting their biggest idol.

She needed to get over her nerves and talk to him before they left on tour tomorrow.

“I already told you no one is allowed backstage tonight,” the bouncer said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Then can you please tell them that Nell would like to see them? They know me.” She was trying to be polite since he was just doing his job, but he wouldn’t even spare her a glance.

He just watched the crowd behind her with a narrowed, annoyed gaze as they slowly exited the venue. A group of other girls lingered close behind, listening in on their argument. “You’re the tenth chick who’s tried this on me tonight. Just leave before I drag you out.”

Nell made a frustrated huff and crossed her arms. Before she could say anything else, the stage door swung open.

Nell’s heart spiked, then dropped when she saw an unfamiliar guy in his thirties peeking out. The bouncer turned around and looked at the guy, who Nell quickly realized was looking at her.

His eyes jumped over her face, to her hair, then back to her face. “Are you Janelle?”

Nell blinked. The bouncer finally looked at her, his eyebrow raised. The girls behind Nell started muttering amongst themselves.

“Yes.”

“Well, that was easier than I expected. Come in. They told me to find you.”

Nell placed her hand on her heart as the nervous pitter-patters returned in full force. She smiled up at the bouncer, who rolled his eyes as he pulled the makeshift barricade aside for her to enter and shut it quickly before the other fans tried to rush it.

She heard him cursing at them as she followed the man backstage and let the door swing shut behind her.

“This is a one-time exception, okay? They’ve got an early schedule tomorrow, so you need to make it quick, alright?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you!” Nell grinned up at him, and he looked at her from the corner of his eye.

“I’m Joe, by the way, the group’s manager.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Nell. I’m— ”

“The good luck charm. Yeah, I know. I’ve heard about you.”

Nell stared at him. “You have?”

He shrugged. “A bit.”

Nell nodded. She hadn’t heard that term in a long time. She’d almost forgotten what they’d called her back then. Hearing it again was surprisingly . . . difficult.

It reminded her of how broken she’d been back then, how much she’d worried she’d fail them, how much she relied on them, and how much she missed them.

But she had grown since then, overcome the things that had taken over her mind and turned it into fractures of sanity.

Rather than running from the memories, she smiled and embraced them; they were just further proof of how far she’d come.

Joe led her to the dressing rooms and stopped outside, his hand pausing on the doorknob. “You have twenty minutes, and then I’ll come get you. That’s it. Got it?”

Nell nodded, taking a deep breath. “Got it.”

The door opened, and Nell walked in.

She barely had a chance to take in the room before she was swept into a crushing hug that knocked the wind out of her.

He smelled exactly the same.

The cheap cologne, cigarettes, and sweat after performing on stage.

He felt exactly the same.

His arms wrapped around her, his hair, a little longer than before, brushing against her cheek as he buried his face into her neck.

She’d already been overwhelmed just seeing him perform again. But holding him took her over the edge, and tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She closed them, trying to keep herself steady, as she leaned on his shoulder.

“Scott,” was the first word that came to mind.

“I’m so glad you came,” he murmured into her neck.

His arms were so familiar, so comfortable. Like being at home.

She would be content to stand there forever.

“Wow, okay, you gonna hog her the whole time or what?” A snarky voice spoke up closer than Nell was expecting, and she jumped.

Barrett pulled away and let go of her slowly, though his eyes almost stung with how intensely they watched her. She didn’t want to look away either, taking in the parts she’d only seen in photographs in the newspaper every now and then.

Toni, with dark makeup smudged under his eyes and curly hair as long as Nell’s now, pushed Barrett aside and broke their gazes. “Well, hello to you too, Duncan.”

Nell laughed and met him halfway in a hug. “You were amazing. You’re always amazing.”

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming? Caught us off guard,” Toni said, his voice in her ear.

“I could’ve saved you a spot up front,” another voice piped up.

Nell pulled away from the hug to see Paulie waiting his turn patiently on the side.

She laughed and pulled him in. “I didn’t even know I was coming until yesterday,” she said. “And I doubt there’d be any room for me in the front row. Those girls were waiting hours for you.”

Dennis, waiting next in line, hugged her as soon as Paulie let go. “It’s good to see you, Duncan. Been a while.”

“Yes, it has.” Nell’s face hurt from smiling too much as she finally finished her greetings and stepped back to take in the guys who had become a second family to her, now clad in their signature black leather and ripped denim cut-off-sleeve tank tops. “Wow. You all look so . . .”

“Amazing?”

“Mature?”

“Like bad-ass rockstars?”

“Yes.” Nell laughed. “All of the above, but especially like bad-ass rockstars.”

“You’re one to talk.” Dennis gestured to her. “You look great.”

“I like your hair.”

“I agree, Paulie,” Toni said. “It’s very chic. Your natural color really brings out your complexion.”

Nell threw her head back and laughed.

The others stared at him with twisted faces.

“Natural color? Complexion? What the hell? Are you a fucking hair stylist now?” Dennis shook his head and grimaced.

Toni shrugged, unbothered. “It’s just a compliment.”

“Well, thank you. Cut it myself.”

The others’ confusion at Toni turned into nods of approval.

Oh, she’d missed this.

There were certain things from back then that were difficult to think about, but they never were. They were the only things that helped her last as long as she did.

She was going to keep missing them.

Her gaze caught on Barrett, who had been mostly silent, just observing from the side lines with a soft smile on his lips.

He met her eyes again, and Nell’s chest pinched with the longing of a familiar nostalgia.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said.

None of them said anything for a moment, until Dennis.

“I’m thirsty. You guys thirsty? Good. Let’s go get something to drink.” He grabbed the other two by the arm, pulling them away from the dressing room. Toni nodded, making some comment about being parched.

“What are you guys talking about? We have water over there,” Paulie said, pointing at a row of unopened water bottles on the dressing vanity.

“Take the hint, man,” Toni whispered as he shut the door behind them.

Nell chuckled, then found Barrett watching her with a strange look in his eye.

“You have terrible timing, you know,” he said. “I’m about to leave for nine months.”

“I know.” She smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you’re here at all.”

Nell fidgeted. God, why was she so nervous around him? He wasn’t some cute stranger she had a crush on. He was Barrett. Her Barrett. “You know, I drove here.”

“By yourself?” He raised an eyebrow.

“All by myself.”

He stepped forward, brushing his fingers against hers. Her breath caught in her throat.

“I knew you could.”

Nell looked down, blinking rapidly as her eyes began to sting.

She took a deep, steadying breath. “I really came here because I wanted to apologize, and to thank you. I know last time we saw each other was . . . messy. I was messy. A total disaster, actually, and I don’t think I would have ever been able to see it if it wasn’t for you.

I’m sorry I put you in that position and hurt you.

So, thank you for calling me on my bullshit and doing what needed to be done, but also for being there and loving me.

Thank you for the guitar and thank you .

. .” She cleared her throat and finally looked up.

His eyes were as misty as hers. “Thank you for the song. I regretted for a long time that I wouldn’t ever hear you play it.

So, thank you for everything, Barrett. I mean it when I say you meant the world to me. You still do.”

Barrett looked up at the ceiling, his lips pulled between his teeth, hiding a smile. “Goddammit.”

Nell furrowed her brows. “What?”

He looked down and placed both his hands on her shoulders, lowering himself to eye level. “I have to go almost a year knowing you said that before I can see you again. Terrible. Timing.”

Nell relaxed and shrugged sheepishly. “Again, I’m sorry. But you’ll be fine.”

Barrett groaned then pulled Nell into another hug, holding her tight. “I guess I’ve done this well so far.”

“Exactly.”

Three harsh knocks sounded on the door, and Nell moved to pull away, but Barrett held her tight, not letting her go.

The door opened behind her.

“Time is—” Joe’s voice stopped, and Nell blushed into Barrett’s shirt. “Uh, time’s up. You need to go.”

“One moment, Joe.” Nell could hear the annoyance in Barrett’s voice.

“Sure.” Joe didn’t argue, and the door shut again.

Finally, Barrett pulled back a little bit before pausing to brush a soft peck against her cheek. Nell’s eyes widened, making him laugh as he let her go.

“Whoops,” he said.

Nell couldn’t help the laugh that burst from her.

“You know I meant what I said before, about wanting to be a part of your life. In a year if there’s still room, I’d like a spot.”

“As long as you save me one in yours.”

“Don’t tease me. You know there’s been a spot for you forever.”

“Then see you in nine months?” Nell stuck out her hand.

Barrett shook it, his thumb brushing against Nell’s knuckles. “See you in nine months.”