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The next couple of days, Nell couldn’t bring herself to indulge in anything except for water, whiskey, and the occasional wafer.

She would have taken away the whiskey as well, but she was convinced she might actually die without it, so a mouthful or two to stay alive was all she allowed. But her stash of pot was off-limits, even though she found herself staring at it and wishing she could give in just this once.

She didn’t deserve any better.

Jake was right. Everything he’d said was valid, and she had still allowed herself to kiss Barrett on the cheek and give in to the one thing she wanted.

Once she felt she had properly punished herself, she emerged on a day she knew the band would be practicing. She left a note for her mother that she was going to see her friends and left the house before her mother could witness her in her state.

Toni’s garage was open when she arrived. She had expected there to be an air of gloom over the fact that, last she’d seen them, they’d lost their gig. Instead, they were in the middle of a new song.

They didn’t play like they were bummed out.

Toni’s whole body went into the movement as he crashed his sticks down into the middle drum, and Dennis strummed his guitar enthusiastically along to the beat. All of them appeared to be in extraordinarily high spirits.

Barrett grinned when he saw her come in, and when Nell’s heart leaped, thinking back to the last night she saw him, she pinched her leg until it stung then sat down.

The song ended, and Toni whooped. Paulie hit his bass strings in a final strum, satisfied.

“Perfect timing,” Dennis said, setting down his guitar and taking a seat on a chair near Nell, wiping dots of sweat from his forehead. “We just got the news.”

“News?” Nell looked around, nervous. News of any sort put her on edge, but hopefully she didn’t need to be. Based on their grins, it had to be good.

“Dennis’s uncle called earlier to let us know he managed to dig up more gigs for us in Bellevue, to make up for losing The Pour House.”

The unnecessary worry in Nell melted. Her hands rose to her chapped lips as she gasped. “Oh my god! That’s great news!”

She could sense Barrett the second he walked into the periphery; despite her punishment, she couldn’t help looking his way to catch his grin. She just couldn’t help herself when he was around.

She smiled back. “When do you guys start?”

“Friday. Tomorrow,” Toni answered. “We get all three weekend slots, so we’ll be there until Monday every week.”

Their contagious excitement faded from her, and her hand on her lips started picking at them.

“That’s great.” Her smile was a little harder to hold.

She was happy for them. They’d worked hard for this. It was Barrett’s dream.

He was happy, so she was happy. She could handle a few days away from them every week.

She could.

A few days were nothing.

The taste of iron flooded her mouth, and she winced as her tender tongue flinched away from her teeth.

“Seriously, even our bad luck looks good now.” Toni threw his arm around Nell’s shoulder, oblivious to her inner turmoil. “What would we do without you, Duncan?”

Nell laughed as well as she could. She was glad the boys were so distracted by their success and excitement that they couldn’t sense her worry. She didn’t want to distract them; they deserved this.

She picked at her fingernails.

“I think this calls for a celebration,” Dennis said, pulling a flask from his pocket and shaking it suggestively.

The others hollered in agreement.

It was the first thing that anyone had said that she fully agreed with. She could use a good, thorough celebration.

* * *

“Oh! I know this one.” Nell was pleasantly surprised that a Wham! song she was familiar with started on the boombox Toni had carried all the way from his house.

Filled with some tequila, beer, and a few glorious hits of weed after days of restraint, Nell wasn’t so worried about anything anymore. She stood up and started twirling to the song, giggling.

Lately, she hadn’t heard much music other than the metal rock the boys had been showing her. Though it had been growing on her, it was nice to hear something familiar.

“Why the hell did you bring this song?” Dennis cringed and covered his ears.

“What? It’s catchy,” Toni defended, his beer can sloshing as he spoke. “Plus, Duncan likes it.”

Nell watched the stars above her spin, mesmerized.

“Come dance with me,” she said to no one in particular. It’d been so long since she’d danced. She missed it.

There were a few grumbles, but when she looked away from the sky, Paulie was there, about as drunk as she was and mimicking her excited twirling.

An elated balloon filled Nell with such delight that she joined him, singing terribly to the lyrics and not caring because she felt so good .

She glanced toward the others all sitting back on the ground and watching them. Toni nodded to the beat, and Dennis raised a brow.

She met Barrett’s eye. She wasn’t sure if he was drunk or high, but his face looked dazed, his smile lopsided as he tilted his head at her.

She ran toward them and grabbed both Dennis and Barrett by their hands, attempting to pull them to their feet.

“Come on, you guys. We’re celebrating you. This is the perfect way to celebrate.”

“For you, maybe,” Dennis said but relented and got to his feet. He didn’t twirl like her and Paulie, but he swayed, and Nell decided that was good enough.

Barrett, on the other hand, was not going to get off that easily.

Nell grabbed both his hands in hers and pulled him into the middle of the imaginary dance floor. She swung their arms together to the beat.

He stayed stiff, his eyes jumping between their hands and her feet, trying to match her steps.

“Don’t think so much, Scott,” Nell said, laughing at his focused face.

He lifted his eyes to her, and the moment his eyes landed on her, she felt his hold relax. His lips lifted to match her smile.

“Just have fun.”

Nell had danced at plenty of school dances, but for some reason, the school gym with an echoing speaker system and squeaking dress shoes didn’t compare to the dark quarry and scratchy radio and clicking gravel under their feet.

Maybe it was the unique setting or maybe it was the surprisingly clumsy rockstar who danced with her in circles. They were letting themselves live.

Halfway through the song, they were all dancing on the quarry road, laughing and teasing each other. Toni and Paulie followed Nell and Barrett’s lead, swinging each other around, while Dennis shook his head in disapproval, hiding a grin behind his beer.

She felt like herself. Not some shadow. Not some drawing.

The Nell she used to be.

The song came to a close, and Nell stumbled slightly on her feet, drunken and dizzy and chuckling. Barrett caught her elbow before she had a chance to tumble.

She looked up at him, his worried eyes scanning her.

“Okay, less drinks and more food for you,” he said, breathless from their dance.

Nell grinned, and without questioning or thinking, she wrapped her arms around his waist as a metal song she didn’t recognize started.

Barrett stiffened, his hands falling to her shoulders.

“I’m gonna miss you,” she said.

There was a beat of silence as everyone took a moment to comprehend both their positions and her words.

Dennis broke it. “What? Only him? We’re going too.”

“It’s only a few days,” Paulie added, his words so slurred that Nell was impressed he managed them.

A few days. Every week. For who knew how long. It all added up.

She let go of Barrett, catching his glinting eyes for only a second before she turned to the others. “I’ll miss all of you.”

“You can always come with us,” Toni said. “There’s plenty of room.”

Nell smiled at him. She’d always wished it were that easy, but it wasn’t. She couldn’t be in a car for more than ten seconds. A drive to another city was impossible. “I can’t.”

There was a sense of grief. A few days wasn’t much, but she was losing more than that.

Without them and The Pour House, she was losing her escape.

“I—we’ll—be back Monday. As early as we can,” Barrett said.

“But not too early,” Dennis added. “I’m not getting up before ten.”

Nell laughed and looked at the sky again, the stars spinning slightly.

She felt great. Happy for them. This was exactly what they wanted, so she wanted it too.

She could handle a few days.

She could.