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Nell didn’t know what she’d expected.

For the memories to evaporate once she crossed the town line? For the population number to change? For the world to right itself?

She’d thought she would be alright once she got out. She’d thought she was ready for the drive. She’d thought that once she saw Barrett performing on stage again, everything would go back to the way it was at The Pour House, and she would forget and be happy away from everything else.

Instead, she was watching a girl she didn’t know in a skin-tight, black dress and an Elvira wig plug a nostril and snort in a line of white powder. The girl looked up at her, wiping stray white flecks from the tip of her nose and blinking rapidly.

“See? Not so hard. Now you do it,” Elvira said, her eyes dilated to black pools as she wiped her nose with her arm.

Nell hesitated. The weed she’d smoked was weak. The lull of alcohol had evaporated from her system the minute that guy from LA showed up and shattered the last remaining hope she had.

Why did nothing work? Why did her mind betray her? Why was she not strong enough?

The girl watched her, giggling at her hesitance. “Trust me. It’s a lot healthier than that drink you’ve been throwing back.”

Seeing that producer talking to Barrett about Los Angeles and making music was like watching a rock disintegrate into sand and slip through her fingers.

She had barely survived the drive to Bellevue. That was only an hour and had her hunched over her toilet bowl for another hour when they got to their motel. But she was proud of herself. She’d made it, she thought.

Los Angeles. She didn’t even know how far that was. And she knew now that running out of Gemsburg didn’t fix her problems like she’d thought it would.

If running only weakened her legs and drinking only burned her throat, and Barrett would eventually leave for somewhere far away, what would she have left?

Elvira nudged her, and Nell had no other choice.

She leaned forward and did exactly what she’d been shown.

She didn’t expect the effect to be instantaneous.

She breathed in, then out, then in, then out.

Then the next breath she took was just so . . . good .

Elvira looked at her eagerly, her loopy smile growing as Nell sat straighter, more aware of her lungs and the lights and the happy bubble of her chest, and less aware of her face.

“I told you!” Elvira was on her feet and pulling Nell by her hands to follow. “Let’s dance!”

So Nell danced with this savior stranger and forgot everything else.

I feel so much better.

* * *

“Nell.”

Nell opened her eyes and paused spinning to follow his voice.

Barrett was the cherry on top of this high.

“Scott!” she yelped and wrapped her arms around him.

He stumbled, clearly not expecting her to react that way.

“Jesus.” He chuckled and pulled back to look down at her. His brow raised. “You’re drunk. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Did you hear—”

Nell giggled and avoided answering by pressing her lips to his.

When she pulled back, a lopsided grin was a nice little present for her.

“I’m so proud of you guys. Seriously, I’m not surprised.

Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you on stage, I just knew you were meant to be there, you know?

Like, I even thought to myself, ‘Wow, he’s really hot. He knows what he’s doing.’”

She thought Barrett’s face might have been a little red, but it was too dark to be sure. “You thought I was hot?”

Nell buried her face into the side of his jaw. He smelled so good. She pressed up against his chest. He felt so good.

“So hot.” Her hands grabbed the bottom of his black shirt, dipping under to slide along the leather of his belt. She could just—

Soft palms stopped her and pulled her away. “Damn, how much did you drink?”

Nell pouted. She’d hate to spoil the mood with the truth.

“Oh my god, you didn’t tell me you knew him.” Elvira popped up out of nowhere, once again graciously saving her from having to come up with a lie.

Barrett jumped, shooting Nell a questioning look from the corner of his eye. Nell bit her lip and giggled.

“I’m Tina! You guys totally rock. My friend’s been following you guys for weeks. This is my second time.” Tina, apparently her real name was, turned to Nell. “You one of the groupies?”

Barrett’s arm slid around her waist. “My girlfriend, actually.”

Nell froze and turned to Barrett. She couldn’t feel her face well enough to tell, but she figured she was grinning like an absolute fool.

“Oh shit.” Tina laughed. “My friend is gonna throw a fit when she finds out.”

Somewhere between the word “girlfriend” and Tina calling what must be her friend’s name, Barrett guided Nell out of the dark room, into an equally dark hallway that was quieter and less packed with people.

Her ears were ringing.

“How about we go back to the motel? I think I’d prefer you pass out there than here.”

She didn’t want to. She wanted to stay and dance and sing along gibberish to rock songs she didn’t actually know the words to, but she could skip that for now.

For her boyfriend.

She giggled again, uncontrollably.

“Okay, let’s go.”

She barely noticed she was in a car, her head out the window, listening to Barrett’s music and holding his hand.

Luckily, the motel was close.

The high was plummeting when they pulled into the parking lot.

She’d never realized how short a blow’s high would be. It hadn’t been even thirty minutes since Tina had kindly walked her through it, and Nell was already feeling the pit growing in her stomach. The car’s movement made her queasy as regret started to settle in.

Barrett was right. It was a good thing he’d pulled her away.

The only thing that kept her from a sudden emotional rock bottom was that word again: girlfriend. That was a different kind of high. It lingered well past the point of climbing out of the car and into bed.

“Take it easy next time, okay? Had me worried for a bit there.” Barrett pulled the blanket over her, making sure she was comfortable. She’d denied a shower, not having the energy anymore to be able to stand in it.

Nell buried her face into her pillow and groaned.

God, she felt awful, like when you woke from a nice dream and realized it was all fake. The wash of dread and regret was fresh. Plus the guilt.

As amazing as it had been, she knew how Barrett felt about cocaine. Maybe she should tell him and promise never to do it again.

The mattress dipped under his weight, and a soft brush of fingers pushed strands of her hair behind her ear.

No, it was a one-time thing. As long as she promised herself to never do it again, he didn’t need to know.

“Come lie with me,” she said instead. That was better. That was easier.

His hand paused, then disappeared. Her face was still in the pillow as she listened to him shuffle to the other side of the bed and move around. She imagined him pulling off his shoes, sliding his jacket off, and dropping it to the floor.

The covers rustled as he slid in right next to her, his body heat engulfing her under the sheets. She couldn’t help the pull to nestle herself against him and rest her head against his chest.

His arms enveloped her, warding off that icy darkness inside her.

She sighed.

A soft brush resembling his lips pressed against her forehead, and she wondered if this was one of those dreams she would hate to wake from.

If it was, she’d rather die than open her eyes.