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A part of her wanted to pull away from him, tell him no and that they should leave.

Yet she couldn’t.

She opened her mouth to say no and found herself telling stories.

“Minnie never said goodbye without saying I love you,” Nell said.

“Her mom taught her young that you never know when you might never see someone again, so even if you’re upset, you make sure they know you love them.

We once had this huge fight—I can’t even remember what about—but she was leaving my house, and right before she stormed out and slammed the door, she paused just to scream ‘I love you’ to me.

” Nell leaned into Barrett’s shoulder and laughed.

“It was absurd, but I never doubted her.”

She paused, waiting for Barrett to say something, but he didn’t. He fixated on her, a small smile on his face, and nodded her on to continue. His hand brushed softly up and down her arm in encouragement.

“Sam had this bucket list. It had everything she wanted to do before she . . . died. We helped her with some of them. She wanted to go skinny-dipping, so we snuck out to the lake in the middle of the night and got that done for her. But what she really wanted was to travel. She had a million places on that list, and she swore up and down that she was going to make it to all of them once she graduated and had the money. But before that, she painted them. I watched her take these simple descriptions of places and turn them into the most incredible landscapes. I used to tell her that she could probably make enough money selling her art to travel to all the places she wanted.”

Nell shifted so her head came down and rested on Barrett’s lap. He stretched out his legs, and once she was down, his fingers ran from her arm to her hair and played with the strands.

“And KC . . .” Nell’s heart twisted. “Well, you already know. She was my first love. She was . . . everything everyone told her she couldn’t be.

She took people’s insults and turned them into her strengths.

Nothing ever held her back, and nothing ever would.

I knew, pretty much from the moment I met her when I was young, that she was one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. ”

Nell looked up and met Barrett’s eyes. They were soft, gentle. Loving. Not judging or resentful. She felt she could say anything she wanted, and that expression would never leave his face. Without meaning to, she kept going.

“I steal things. Or I used to. The things that reminded me of them. As soon as I saw it, I had to have it. It was this obsession, this addiction, to have something that they might have had if they were still here. It was like finding pieces of their future selves, and I guess by having it, I was keeping them here. And I was keeping myself human. I-I’m not like them.

I’m not thoughtful, or talented, or extraordinary.

I was them. Without them, I became . . . nothing.”

Barrett’s hand stopped kneading in her hair, and his eyes darkened.

Dammit. She knew she’d said too much.

She opened her mouth to apologize, but he cut her off.

“The first time I ever saw you, you were picking up trash in the school hallway.”

Nell blinked. “What?”

“Some kids had thrown a bunch of crap on the ground, as the janitor passed by them, and walked away laughing. No one else really cared. But you . . . you stopped, put your books on the ground, and picked every single piece up. Everyone knew who you were: Pastor Duncan’s daughter.

A freshman, but no one would mess with you.

I was right by you, and I heard you tell Sam that it wasn’t fair to the janitor for them to do that to him. ”

Nell recalled that briefly, not in much detail. It couldn’t have been far into her freshman year. A month or so. Not nearly that memorable. “That was—”

“Sophomore year. Margot Schneider was running for class president. We all knew she wasn’t going to win.

Everyone thought she was weird. Most of her campaign posters got torn down one day.

I saw you after school a few days later, gluing up brand-new handmade posters to replace the old ones. Posters that you had made.”

That memory was clearer. She’d seen Margot crying in the bathroom that day and felt awful for her. Margot was nice. She’d helped Nell plenty of times in class, and she would have made a great class president. She’d just been trying to help.

Nell sat up and turned toward Barrett. “You’re giving me too much credit.”

“No. I watched you until the day I graduated. I could name a million other things that I saw. You were kind. The kindest person I’d ever seen. A kind of kind that was rare, unheard of.”

Nell sucked in a breath.

It was so good to hear yet so, so painful.

What if that was who Barrett expected her to be? The girl who picked up trash for the janitors and hung up posters for outcasts. What if he was setting her up for failure?

“Scott, I’m not that person anymore.” She said it so quietly and secretly wished he couldn’t hear it. It would be so nice if he continued to think that forever and ever. But if she couldn’t even think it, how long until he saw through too?

He grabbed her hands in his, his dark eyes sparkling with passion.

“Yes. You are. You are thoughtful, talented, and extraordinary. You are. That’s why you hurt and blame yourself so much.

Nell, you are everything .” He pulled her arms, and she gasped as she was pulled onto his lap.

One arm wrapped around her waist, while the other came to her cheek and angled her face parallel to his.

His eyes scoured her features like he was memorizing every line and crevice.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

Nell blinked rapidly as tears filled the corners of her eyes. He caught her eyes, and she was ready to surrender her every thought and feeling to him.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Barrett inhaled raggedly.

He captured her lips with full force. No pecks, no gentle brushes. He kissed like tonight was their last night alive and she was the last breath he would breathe.

He pulled away briefly, brushing fingers through her hair and smiling like he’d inhaled every happy thought he had.

He murmured the sort of words girls dreamed of hearing. “You’re only four years behind.”

Nell lifted her hands from his shoulders and sank them into his waves, crashing their mouths together.

They burned like flame on flame.

It sparked and roared, and the more she blew air into it, the more fevered it became.

Barrett’s hands searched her like they didn’t know where they wanted to be more: her cheek, her nape, down her neck, over her shoulder, around her back, and down her spine.

They roamed, exploring with a needy confidence that made her hiss and gasp as they reached her hips and squeezed a handful of whatever he could get.

After his hands had found their place, his mouth became greedy. It broke away from her, leaving her whimpering with loss, only to reattach right below her jaw.

She closed her eyes once again and basked in the reverent flick of his tongue on her skin, tilting her head back to give him a wider canvas.

He accepted the invitation and moved deeper, one hand kneading her behind, while the other locked onto the neck of her shirt and pulled it down to give his mouth more space.

Nell paused, her body stilling.

Barrett froze and pulled away. The empty space left behind was cold.

His eyes were dark and his voice breathless. “Do you want to stop?”

Nell studied his eyes.

She knew where this was going.

Her entire life she’d been warned against this, told the dangers and risks. How many men only wanted to take advantage of her. She’d even once made a vow of abstinence and at the time swore she would wait until she was happily married to a strong Christian man.

But at the time, she hadn’t realized how it felt to be this close to someone she was in love with. How safe she’d feel in Barrett’s arms. How he’d look at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

She trusted him. She’d already given him all of her heart.

Nell took a deep breath.

Did she want to stop?

She shook her head, resting her hand on Barrett’s cheek. He leaned into it.

“Don’t stop.”

Nell made the next move, reaching for the hem of his shirt. Barrett allowed her to lift his shirt up and over his head, his eyes staying on her.

He was a canvas of his own.

Tattoos of different sizes and varying designs—many she didn’t know existed—adorned his chest and arms.

He watched her study him. She lifted her hand and brushed her fingers over the biggest one: a guitar running up the bottom of his rib cage and over his heart.

As she leaned forward, her lips grazed behind the path of her fingers, up the neck of the guitar and over the strings.

Barrett shuddered, and a sigh echoed through his chest.

She didn’t stand a chance.

Her mouth didn’t reach the top frets before she was flipped onto her back with Barrett on top of her. He held his weight up with a single arm as the other hand slid up her rib cage and brushed the underside of her breast.

“You’re sure?” he asked again, searching her face for permission.

She arched into his touch. “Don’t stop,” she repeated.

With her approval, he kneeled and slipped her shirt off. Somehow, her bra left with it.

Her pants followed, with no resistance from her.

She found herself there, on the floor of Barrett’s van, completely naked as his eyes hungrily looked at her from head to toe and drank it in.

“I feel like I’m dreaming,” he said. Fingers brushed over her open palm then followed her arm up until he was at her chest.

Nell waited for his next move, desperate for it.

His hand finally came down, closing over her full breast and taking it in his palm. He hissed through his teeth as his other hand did the same.

“This is real, right?” He lowered himself, hovering over her face and pushed her arm away, his lips centimeters from hers.

She exhaled and nodded. “It’s real.”

His mouth crashed into hers once more, and she sealed her hands around his neck. Close was not close enough.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, and her entire bottom half was lifted up. He grabbed onto her bottom for support, but his mouth remained connected to her, too hungry to let go.

He moved his hips, and the denim rubbed against her, sending a shock up her spine. She gasped a sharp moan into Barrett’s mouth. He paused for a moment like he was contemplating something.

Then he did it again. And again. And again.

Nell was quickly dissolving into a quivering mess, the fabric between her legs turning wet. Her gasps became heated moans.

Barrett’s pace remained constant and unrelenting. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Nell tried to speak, but nothing coherent came out. So she did the next best thing.

She dug her nails into Barrett’s shoulders.

“Fuck,” he hissed and finally backed off.

But rather than being in pain, he’d reached his limit.

He undressed the rest of the way.

More tattoos: on his thighs, one on his hip, places she wanted to kiss and admire.

But he had no time for that, and to be honest, neither did she.

He left her for an agonizing moment, to shuffle through something, until he returned with a small pack, ripping the wrapper open and making quick work of unraveling a condom over himself before he was back over her.

She immediately wrapped her legs around his torso again, and she could feel him poking at the her entrance.

He caught her eyes, the brown in his darkened to an inky black. Despite the potent lust she saw, he controlled himself enough to ask for permission.

Nell, unable to say anything, nodded.

His entry was slow but filled her more than she’d expected. She threw her head back and moaned.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck and stilled, though his legs shook. Then, when Nell’s groans turned into full delight, he pulled back and thrusted again.

It didn’t matter what experience she did or didn’t have before now because, as far she was concerned, no one made love the way Scott Barrett made love. He did not sleep with; he did not fuck. He loved.

His pace never slowed, but his hands held her body with tender firmness as they pulled each other closer with every thrust and pant.

His words in her ears were a mixture of pleasured curses and the sweetest nothings that she would hide away for her and only her to remember.

When his pace sped up, she dug her fingernails into his back, and he groaned deep into her neck.

The faster he went, the more jumbled his words became.

One of the hands holding him up abandoned its post to move between their stomachs, to the space between Nell’s legs.

She gasped as he came in contact, rubbing the most sensitive point in time with his movements.

His hand became sloppy as he tried to balance his thrust and his touch, so she took the lead, curling her fingers between his and showing him exactly how to make her back arch and her moans increase in volume.

Nell tumbled first. It hit her with such intensity that her body shook, filling her with blinding ecstasy.

Shortly after, Barrett’s pace suddenly ticked in its rhythm, and he cursed obscenities into her shoulder, stilling as he emptied himself with a few final thrusts.

They floated there in their universe, holding each other, until Nell woke to Barrett gently shaking her awake. She hadn’t even realized she’d fallen asleep. It was still dark outside.

“We need to get you home.”

Right. Home.

Luckily, she didn’t need to answer as he pulled her in a final time and kissed her forehead before helping her up and back into her clothes.

The drive back, she kept her eyes on Barrett. The whole way home, she never let him go.