Page 72 of Seared Fates

I glance at Lucero. Yellow light shines on him from the ceiling, and I absently register that he must’ve turned the lights on. How did I miss that?

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that only a few weeks ago, you were so deep in your apathy I thought it’d be a mercy to kill you.”

“If only you did,” I chuckle, and it lands like a lead weight.

“Apathy is no small thing, Maker, and neither is an unexpected soulmate.”

I press the heel of my hand to my forehead. “Kai isn’t to blame for any of this. He is a shining light and I…I snuff him out.”

“It sounds like you were feeling so much love for Kai that it triggered a panic attack.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I dismiss, digging the heel of my palm deeper until it hurts.

“Is it?” Lucero asks. “The connection of a soulmate is a powerful thing. For anyone, let alone someone still stepping out of their apathy.”

“I thought I was strong enough to rid myself of it…”

Lucero pulls my palm away from my forehead, and when I meet his gaze, understanding shines through. Slowly, I drop one of my burdens. I love my offspring, I hurt them so badly and yet Lucero is still by my side. If Lucero can forgive me, then…

“If only apathy were like taking off a coat that can be discarded in another room,” he says. “It’s an oil, Vidar, and will take time to clean away. Give yourself that time.”

“I thought I was okay. Or, I thought I’d eventually be okay. But since I’ve been back, all I do is make mistakes.”

“Let me ask you this, Maker, does Kai know how apathy begins? Big highs followed by big lows? Does he know that to protect yourself, you cut yourself off?”

I shake my head. “I didn’t even think to tell him. I’ve been too focused on…” I lay a hand over my chest, and every time my heart beats, it sounds like Kai.

“You’ve been so busy stubbornly forcing yourself into your mate's life, then failing to live up to an expectation you can’t promise, that you forgot to open your heart to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“You want to be Kai’s protector.”

“Of course,” I reply, threading my voice with a thin vein of steel. “There is no greater honour.”

Lucero’s expression softens, and I know he’s thinking of Golden. “And youarehis protector. But if there's something I’ve learned from being with Golden, it's that he can protect you, too. You don’t need to be a stupid, chest-beating warrior to be worthy of Kai. This isn’t your little Viking village a thousand years in the past, where your only worth was how many heads you could cut off.”

I snort, the corner of my lips tugging up. “Norsemen,” I correct. Lucero chuckles and claps me on the back. “But maybe you’re right…”

There is no dramatic shattering of the soundproof glass keeping my emotions at bay. After speaking with Lucero, it simply lifts. Like eyelids rising after a bad dream.

“I’m always right.” Lucero smirks.

“Now you’re sounding like Ramy.”

“Come, let’s go home,” he says, standing.

“How did you even know I was up here?” I ask, pulling myself up and walking towards the exit. Surprised that each step is easier than the last.

“One of the bouncers saw Kai leave and told me, Golden and Ramy went after him.”

“I’m not looking forward to either of their lectures.”

Lucero grins. “Yes, you are.”

“Maybe a little.” I nudge him. “Just don’t tell them, or I’ll never hear the end of it. What about Summer?”