Page 59 of Seared Fates

His hand goes to his braids, but stops mid-way and carefully rests his palm on his lap.

“This is our life, Vidar, and we should start getting used to it. So…” He steels himself, then looks at me head-on. “As you said, you weren’t looking after yourself, so I’m going to because you’re a stubborn dickhead. Go feed and…” he waves his hand in a vague gesture, “have fun.”

“And you?” I bite out.

Kai chews on his lip. “I…me too, maybe.”

Regret, jealousy, anger. All these emotions collide into me like a battering ram. But as much as I demand Kai is mine, he isn’t really, so what right do I have to stop this?

All I see in my soulmate is the future. But what if I give in to this need, only to find he was just a curiosity? What if my apathy comes back?

Wouldn’t it be simpler to keep playing this game of friendship and never risk losing him at all?

***

It’s dark outside Kai’s flat, where I wait for him beside the metal door, the handle mangled. Golden is on the other side, pressed against the wall by Lucero.

“What happened to the door again?” Ramy asks. His hair is up into an elaborate ponytail, and he’s dressed in all black.

“I ripped it off to get to Kai when he called me,” I reply absently, watching Lucero molest Golden out of the corner of my eye.

Over the years, I’ve seen all of my offspring in many states, none more than Lucero, who chased sex with the same reckless hunger I once did. I’d glance at the men he’d spend the night with—curious, sometimes, about the heat that stirred low in my stomach but never took the time to understand. But these feelings were never caused by Lucero, whose bulky frame and unsightly ass only ever blocked my view.

Instead, I’d find myself watching the men he prefers; beautiful, slender, smaller.

A pretty blush creeps up Golden’s neck as Lucero whispers filthy promises, and I tilt my head further in their direction. A confused wrinkle tugging my brow at the familiar… intrigue.

Why did I never question this feeling?

Lucero and I were never shy about sex, and we often shared a bed with our lovers. On nights when the blood and the drink were good—when my partner and I, and Lucero and his, were lost in the throes of passion—the moans of his lovely men would urge me on, make me fuck my woman harder. But once it was over, I never gave their lithe bodies or pretty faces a second thought.

Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair and push down these growing feelings.

Maybe I could have a threesome with Kai? I try to imagine it and immediately reject the idea as foolish. I don’t want another pair of hands on him.

“You’re wound up tight tonight, Maker.” Ramy’s voice pulls my attention to where he stands in the shadows. His lean body and elegant features are not obscured by the night but accentuated by it.

“We shouldn’t be going out at all, Rahim. But Kai needs it, and I need to feed.”

Having my youngest close by has always been a balm, even when I rejected it in my apathy. Sen, Lucero and Rurik are all fighters at their core; Ramy, however, is gentle.

I capture a strand of his silky hair fluttering in the breeze and run it between my fingers. “You look lovely tonight.”

Ramy bats his long eyelashes. “Don’t I always?”

I chuckle and let his hair fall away.

“You know, Maker, Kai did my hair,” Ramy says, a sly smile on his full lips.

My hand goes to my own silver locks. I wonder what Kai could do to mine? Ramy snickers.

I catch a glimpse of something fluffy and drop my gaze down to see he’s holding a pair of cat-shaped ear muffs.

“Golden gave them to me when I told him I’m still sensitive to loud noises,” Ramy explains. “He has a matching pair.”

I’m about to say something, but the door whining open distracts me.

Summer bounces out in a fluffy purple coat and a red dress so short it might as well be a T-shirt. She’s so much like my usual type, curves and confident, with a flirty smile always ready. I try to muster something other than a baseline of attraction, but all Ican think is I’m glad I don’t need to worry about Kai flashing his body in little dresses.