Page 68 of Seared Fates

“Why don’t you want me?” Kai’s voice is small, and so fragile that when it leaves his trembling lips, his words crumble.

If only I could tell him he’s wrong. But haven’t I proved Kai right at every turn—implied he’s ugly, wished him dead like a complete fool. And now, when all he needs is my assurance, I can’t even open my useless mouth.

“I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t…”

I realise that Kai is no longer standing in front of me, and is instead across the room by the door. When did he move?

Fuck, am I losing time? Panic seizes me, but I shove that behind the glass, too. I won’t live through apathy again.

I can’t. The quiet is horrifying, but the numbness when I was trapped in the mansion for eight years was worse. I might’ve shattered the glass once with Lucero’s help, but the wounds apathy left behind are too deep. And as Kai turns the door handle, taking him further and further away from me, regret sinks deeper into that wound.

Once the door is opened, Kai waits a beat. His shoulders trembling, and hugging his leather jacket, giving me one last chance to prove I can be the type of man he deserves.

But I vowed to destroy anyone who made him cry. So when the door softly shuts behind him, I allow apathy to finally ruin me and sink into nothingness.

Chapter twenty-six

Kai

I’m quick to leave the club. I know I should tell someone, but I can’t stand another second behind these stifling walls.

The winter wind is harsh once I get outside and shocks my system, yet all I can think about is that Vidar doesn’t want me. Full stop. Period. End of conversation.

Sure, he got off, but it doesn’t change the fact that I had to be on my stomach or when he saw my spent prick, regret was written all over his face. I guess realisation sunk in, and he couldn’t accept that I’m a man and that’s how my great love story ends; a hot hump session and tears. Fucking classic if I’ve ever heard one.

I manage to grab a taxi, hating myself when he gives me an annoyed look when I hesitate to get inside—fear and memories of screaming and flipping and blood as bright as the club lights. I curse and force myself to just fucking get inside, then mumble my address. The driver doesn’t say anything as he peels off the pavement, but does blast the heat.

“Thanks,” I mutter.

He grunts kindly, but doesn’t say anything else, which I appreciate. I ain’t in the mood to chat.

I scrub away any leftover tears I shed while standing outside Lucero’s office, stupidly waiting for Vidar. But just tattoo ‘idiot’ on my bloody forehead, because of course Vidar didn’t come running after me. We’re just soulmates after all, nothing special!

I suck in a quivering breath.

I’ll be okay. I have to get over this. I can get over this heartbreak; I’ve done it twice now.

Glancing out the window, I see my reflection, see I’m tugging on my hair and collapse against the door, too tired to even attempt to stop. Too disappointed and embarrassed that I can’t stop.

When I saw Vidar inSuckerleading a woman away, I grabbed the first random guy to help me forget that I’ll never be what he wants. But also, if I’m honest with myself—and what better place for honesty than the back of a taxi at 2 am—I hoped Vidar would notice. I wanted to prove I was okay and didn’t need him. But then Vidar pushed the stranger away, and when he pulled me into his arms, I felt more alive than I thought possible. Vidar finally snapped and realised I was his one true love.

I pull my knees up to my chest to bury my face.

‘Sure, and then he’d propose, and we’ll make love as the sun sets.’

I just wish this night would end.

Or I just wish I could cut these feelings that wrap around me like a knotted rope. I’ve always wanted the big love. I want Vidar on one knee and a horde of kids. But if I can’t have that with the one person in this world who Fate decided was exactly my right fit, then who the fuck can I have it with?

The cab slows to a stop, and I shake my thoughts away, not bothering to look at the fee, just tapping my phone to pay and jumping out.

My feet scuff against the crumbling concrete as I make my way to my block of flats, heaving a pained breath as I pull open the mangled door Vidar tore apart to get to me.

I should just move rather than have another reminder of him.

I drag my feet up the stairs, oddly comforted by the stink. My life might be one letdown after the next, but at least this is consistent. When I get to my flat, I stab the key inside the lock and twist so I can push into my empty flat.

“Home sweet home,” I mumble, letting the door swing shut.