Page 44

Later that night, when they make love, it’s slow and sweet and she doesn’t think about making a baby even once. She only thinks about him, how good he feels, and how much she loves him. She won’t have any regrets if this is the outcome.

* * *

Thirteen Years Later: Olivia

Lucy is fourteen when she’s bitten by a rotter in the woods.

Ran after one of the horses after they spooked on a windy day and broke through the flimsy fencing surrounding their paddock straight into the tree line.

At this point, they trust her to be with the horses by herself, but never expected that spotted mare to blow right through the three board panels or for Lucy to chase her without a second thought.

She comes up the driveway leading the horse in one hand, tears streaming down her face, sobbing that she’d been bit and showing them a jagged, bloody wound on her forearm.

“Do you have to cut it off now?” she cries. “Oh my god. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone after her. I didn’t think…I just saw her heading for that ravine and I couldn’t let her fall in. I didn’t see the rotter. Am I gonna die now? Momma, what do I do? I don’t wanna die.”

“It’s okay,” Cole says calmly, walking her inside to wash the bite out at the sink. “You’re gonna be alright. Not losing the arm. Not dying.”

“What? Dad, what? Why are you taking so long to cut it off? It could already be spreading!” She holds out her arm, on the verge of hyperventilating.

Olivia sends him a look. The two of them are caught in a spot they knew would arrive eventually, but still aren’t prepared to handle. Her pulse already races with all the what-ifs that come with seeing someone she loves bit and how easily it could have been worse.

They’ve always been good at communicating without words and right now that skill comes in handy when Olivia easily translates his slight tip of the head. They have to tell her the truth. There’s no avoiding it anymore.

“The bite won’t kill you,” Olivia says gently. “I know what we said, but it’s more complicated than that.”

Lucy pulls back, one hand gripping her arm while betrayal and confusion flash in her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“You have a resistance to the virus. You can fight it off. The rotters can still hurt you, though. That isn’t something that’ll ever change.”

“How? You lied to me?” she whispers sadly. “You both did? Why?”

“We were always going to tell you.” Olivia frowns. “We just needed to wait until you were old enough to understand and take it seriously. This is dangerous information.”

“Dangerous like the bite? Because that’s not so dangerous anymore.”

“We were trying to protect you,” Cole picks up. “If other people find out, they could hurt you. Can’t trust anyone out there and news travels.”

“Can’t trust anyone in here, either. I can’t believe you did this. All this time I thought one bite, and that’s it. How could you?” She glares at Cole through her tears as if she’d never seen him before. “I hate you.”

The room goes silent. Lucy stares at him like she can’t believe what came out of her own mouth, and Cole stares back like he’d been slapped across the face.

“Hey!” Olivia scolds, watching her daughter flee up the steps to her room. “Don’t talk to your father like that. Get back down here. Lucy!”

She’s already gone, the door slamming shut behind her.

“She doesn’t mean it.” Olivia watches him struggle not to break down right here in the kitchen.

“It’s okay. She’s a teenager now. They do that. I said a lot worse when I was her age. Gonna go finish the wood out back. Got a stack left.”

“Cole…”

“I’m fine. It’s fine.”

It is not fine. He’s as crushed as she’s ever seen him and in this moment she’s angry at her daughter for hurting someone who loves her without question, but then she remembers that Lucy is up in her room crying, thinking herself betrayed by her own parents and Olivia is pretty sure her heart might split in both directions.

She has to fix this somehow. Wipes the tears off her face and climbs the steps, finding Lucy curled up on the bed with red-rimmed eyes, holding her arm tight while it bleeds through the makeshift bandage.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner. We were afraid,” Olivia admits, quietly taking up a spot on the bed. “We almost lost you once when someone found out.”

Lucy sniffles, sitting up straight. “You did?”

“Mhmm. You were only a few weeks old, and they wanted to use your blood for a cure. Stole you right out of my arms, and dragged your dad out of the room kicking and screaming. We don’t know exactly how it works.

Why you’re resistant to the virus, just that you won’t turn.

That’s both amazing and dangerous because the outside world would stop at nothing to use you.

We got you back once, but we don’t want to test it a second time. ”

“Wouldn’t it be a good thing if I can help people?”

“Maybe. But we aren’t willing to risk your life to find out. Never have been. All we’ve tried to do is keep you safe. Should have told you sooner but…the bite may not kill you, but the rotters still can. Other people still can. Wanted to wait until you understood you aren’t invincible.”

Lucy’s eyes begin to water again as guilt spreads thickly across her face. “I was so awful to him. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know. You should go talk to him. Tell him that.”

“What if he won’t forgive me? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore now?” Lucy sobs.

She has always been so close to Cole. The sun rises and sets on him as far as she’s concerned. It has since the very beginning. To see her so worried that she’s broken that trust with a single, flippant angry comment is as ridiculous as it is heartbreaking.

“He’s loved you from the very first day you were born. When he wrapped you up—”

“In his spare shirt,” Lucy says softly, having heard this story before.

They never kept that truth from her. She had a right to know how they all came together, even if it meant admitting that Cole wasn’t related biologically. Early on, she accepted that a family can be chosen.

“He’s been the best father you could ask for right from the start, and he’ll forgive you anything.

That’s why you have to be careful not to take advantage.

Me and you, we could so easily break his heart, and he’d take it because he loves us so much.

Don’t use that against him, okay? We made a mistake in not telling you sooner.

But you made a mistake this time, too. You can still fix it. Go talk to him. It’ll be okay.”

This is the first real outburst Lucy has ever had. She’s mild-mannered and easygoing. Doesn’t fuss or fight, rarely ever talks back. She’s more upset with herself than Cole could ever be with her, but it’s still up to her to put the pieces back together again.

He’s out back chopping wood when they find him. Has gone through several stacks already and Olivia leans against the door frame, watching the two people she loves most.

He’s instantly hopeful at the sight of Lucy coming toward him, so eager to forgive and forget if it means she won’t be angry with him anymore.

Olivia didn’t realize she was holding her breath until Lucy finally speaks.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said,” she half sobs, on a hitching breath.

“I know.”

“I’m so sorry, dad. I was just so confused and hurt and I didn’t understand and… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Come’re. Come on, sweetheart.” He pulls her in and she clings to him, exhaling a few strangled breaths into his chest while he holds her tight. “We say things we don’t mean sometimes when we’re mad. It’s okay. Don’t cry. It’s alright.”

“I love you.”

“I know you do, kitten. Never thought you stopped. Love you, too. I’m sorry we let you find out about this the way you did. Just wanted to keep you safe.”

Lucy nods, turning slightly to find Olivia in the doorway. “Mom told me what happened. That someone tried to steal me a long time ago.”

“One of the worst days of my whole life. Wasn’t ever gonna let that happen again.”

“I know why you didn’t say anything. You can trust me now, though. I’ll keep it a secret.”

Sometimes it’s easy to look at Lucy and see her on her way to becoming an adult. So rational and clear-headed, capable and self-sufficient because they raised her to be, but at the moment, all Olivia can see is her baby crying in her father’s arms.

Just yesterday, they were carrying her in a sling through a newly ruined world.

“Get in on this group hug,” Cole holds out a free arm until Olivia makes her way out to the woodpile and tucks in beside him.

It’s not until a few days later, when they’ve got a small fire going on a chilly evening, that Lucy quietly brings it up again.

“Do you think there are others out there like me?” she says.

“Maybe,” Cole agrees.

“Can I…could we…ever go find them? Someday? Not right now. I know I can’t tell anyone. I know it’s dangerous. But maybe eventually?”

There could be a whole new generation out there resistant to the virus and much as Olivia wants to ignore that and keep her baby on this farm forever, that might not be the best option.

She may never have a full life here.

May never see anything except what’s inside this fence and the few square miles beyond it.

Might never fall in love at some point in the future and have a chance at the kind of happiness Olivia found with Cole. The farm is a bubble that protects them, but for a teenager it can be a shackle. She doesn’t want her daughter to end up resentful.

“How about when you’re old enough we can talk about it again? Decide how to go looking if you still want to,” she replies.

“Okay.” Lucy’s happy to have any sort of approval, even if the plans are distant. “Oh, I have something to show you! It’s a surprise. Wait here.”

“Few years from now she’ll ask again. Are you ready for another road trip when that happens?” Cole says when Lucy is gone.

“If that’s what she really wants, then yes. I told you once that we would raise her to be brave enough to explore this world. I meant it.”

He nods. “No way she’s going without us.”

“We still have a while. Let’s worry about it then. I just want to enjoy the time we have together, here where it’s safe, before everything changes.”

When Lucy reappears, she’s holding an envelope that she hands to Olivia. “Surprise.”

Olivia slides her finger under the flap, revealing a handful of photos inside that nearly take her breath away.

They had forgotten all about the camera they made use of during the first leg of their trip all those years ago. Had no way to get the film developed and it must have sat at the back of her closet or tucked away in a drawer all this time.

Now, here they are, staring up at her like memories come to life.

“This is what you’ve been working on in the shed?” Olivia whispers.

Lucy nods. “That old book we found from the library had instructions, and I just had to wait until we got the right supplies. I’ve already seen them. You two have a look. I’m gonna go feed Flower.”

And then she’s gone, leaving her and Cole to take a journey through their past together.

A photo of a disgruntled-looking Cole holding baby Lucy, his horror at having his picture taken on full display.

A half-focused shot of Olivia, the baby, and Flower’s pointy ears over her shoulder. Everything had been so tentative and new back then, but her smile was real and she traces the paper now with a delicate finger.

A dimly lit shot of Cole with a baby on his chest. Both of them passed out after a long night. Lucy had been inconsolable, and Olivia still remembers the screaming that broke her heart. This was the moment she knew she was in love with him.

Two newlyweds smiling at the camera and holding up their ring fingers for a selfie in an abandoned truck stop, full of hope for the future.

Butterflies cluster anew when she flicks her gaze to his now, watching as he takes in the memories alongside her. There are others from their time on the farm that she’d long since forgotten about.

Flower hanging from the top of a Christmas tree Cole cut from the forest, her face full of delight in the moments before she dropped the entire thing to the ground.

Olivia on the porch swing looking out at the mountains with a cup of tea, the photo taken through the smudged glass of the living room window.

Her profile is backlit by the setting sun and she imagines him catching sight of her after some mundane farm chore and deciding the moment had to be captured.

Baby Lucy learning to walk in the summer fields. Cole is out-of- focus behind her, his hands waiting to catch her if she falls.

A menagerie of farm animals they found five miles down, begging for handfuls of grain, pushy and cute and nuzzling into Cole’s palm.

Lucy, as a toddler, asleep in bed with the cat tucked under her chin.

And then there are photos she doesn’t recognize, taken by someone watching them through a different lens.

Olivia spread out on the sofa with her feet in Cole’s lap. His head lulled back against the cushions and his eyes closed tight.

A foggy morning at the memorial they planted for Wade, who never came home.

Cole kissing her in a darkened kitchen one evening. She vaguely remembers them dancing in the silence of a winter night, and then the click of a camera but dismissed it, rolling her eyes at Lucy’s antics as the girl ran back up the steps.

At least six photos of the chickens in the coop, all with their names scribbled on the back. Olivia is feeding them in the last photo and Cole gazes at her in the background, leaning on the shovel he’d been using, a smitten look on his face.

Lucy had been capturing these moments when they weren’t watching, only hoping that one day they’d see them printed on little squares like time capsules.

Olivia holds out a hand between their chairs and Cole’s palm slips into hers with a gentle squeeze.

She had been so sure when they first met that he’d leave them to fend for themselves.

Feared his abandonment as much as the outside world and as she stood in that empty street, her baby still pink and brand new, begging this stranger to stay, she thought herself stuck at a fork in the road.

One path she’d have to walk alone if he turned them away, but now that she knows his heart, it’s obvious that never would have happened.

‘Relax,’ she would tell her past self if she could. ‘He won’t leave you. You’ve never been safer than you are when you’re with him. Your family was born today in more ways than one. You just don’t know it yet.’