Page 3

She has a baby.

She’s in a random apartment with a strange man.

She killed her husband.

A lot has happened in the last few hours and it’s all doing a decent job of scrambling Olivia’s brain.

One of those might not be entirely true.

Jason could have been dead already before the knife reached his skull.

Faced with the choice of letting him eat their newborn or defending them both, she took the obvious option.

She doesn’t regret it, but the growl he made and the way he clawed and scratched as she fought him off still flashes on repeat in her mind.

Just like Lucy’s birth, on a dirty bathroom floor, plays out again and again like a horror movie.

Olivia aches all over. She remembers every contraction and every searing burn of the delivery, but when she looks down at the bundle in her arms, so beautiful and perfect and hers , it’s easy to shove that to the back burner and smile down at her child.

Cole’s given her the bed in this studio apartment he led her back to. The idea of a nap sounds like bliss, but she’s too on edge for that despite the woozy, dazed fuzz she can’t shake.

He’s in the kitchen, doing something out of sight. She hasn’t had a chance to feed Lucy yet, so she uncovers a swollen breast and offers her baby a first meal.

In a world lacking formula, she fears the consequences if they don’t get the hang of this fast, but Lucy finds her target and Olivia breathes a sigh of relief.

She shuts her eyes and leans back against the pillows while endorphins flood her nerves and tries not to think about how filthy she is, or how her whole body alternates from numbness to blazing inferno.

They’re alive. That’s all that matters now.

“Oh shit. Sorry. I’ll be in here. Let me know when it’s okay.”

Cole’s voice startles her, but she’s always been jumpy. It’s an ingrained reflex after years of a violent marriage. That’s not going away anytime soon. Not even after leaving Jason on that bathroom floor.

She’s too exhausted and preoccupied to give a shit if the remainder of the human race wants to stare at her breastfeeding.

A woman in her Lamaze class told the whole group that after her third child, she wouldn’t care if the janitor at the hospital wanted to watch the miracle of birth.

Olivia laughed then, not understanding how easy it could be to abandon thoughts of modesty after feeling like she’d been hit by a truck.

It is important for her to keep things on good terms with Cole, though. Can’t make him uncomfortable. Can’t make him think too hard about what he’s agreed to. He is their only chance at survival, and it’s her job to keep him happy. Good thing she’s got plenty of practice in that area.

“You can come out,” she says, after draping a blanket over her shoulder to hide the baby.

He emerges from the kitchen with two bowls of soup and her stomach growls at the promise of food.

“Gas stove still works, and I got some of those ramen packages. Not much but it’s dinner tonight.” He places her meal down on the side table before taking up a chair a few feet away.

“Thank you.”

He only grunts in reply and eats like he’s starving.

Slurps on the spoon and leaves noodles hanging from his mouth.

It’s not that she minds, but she’s never seen anyone attack their food so ferociously and it’s difficult not to slide him the occasional glance.

His dark hair is a short but wild mess, and the scruff on his face has a sparse silver dusting.

It all adds to the overall picture of someone half-feral, but she won’t jump to conclusions, either.

She’s starving, too. Has been since before the world ended, when her husband rationed her food for amusement.

She curbs the desire to mimic Cole until he drinks the broth from the bowl and she thinks, fuck it.

Abandons her attempt at maintaining manners and does the same thing once she’s eaten most of the noodles.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Fine.”

“Really?”

She sighs. “No, not really.”

“Hurting?”

She only nods, watching him cross the room to dig in a new bag, pulling out a ziplock filled to the brim with pills.

“Got anything you could want in here.”

“Are you a drug dealer? Sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean—”

He snorts. “No, it’s my friend’s stash. Wade is always prepared.”

“Is he coming back soon? ”

“Don’t think so.”

He doesn’t offer details, and she doesn’t pry, but she’s relieved there won’t be another man joining them. She’s having a hard enough time adjusting as it is.

“I can’t take anything other than aspirin. Not when she’s nursing.”

“Figured. Got some Advil in here near the bottom. In its own little bag.”

After a few moments, he victoriously hands her two Advil-shaped pills. It won’t eliminate all the aches, but it’s a hell of a lot better than nothing. She swallows them dry and longs for the moment when they kick in.

“That guy in the subway. You know him?” He slides her a few tentative glances.

“He was my husband.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not.” She pauses, remembering what led them to that potential tomb.

“We heard there was a safe zone not far from here. Doctors. Food. Fences. But then he got bit, and we were surrounded. Escaped to the subway and then everything happened so fast. I had no choice. He was going to kill us both.”

It’s no secret that someone hurt her. The bruises she can’t hide in short sleeves and her lip that still throbs from where Jason smacked her after he’d been bitten, saying it was her fault for not moving fast enough, are proof of that.

Her indifference should connect a few dots, and Cole nods knowingly .

“You’ll get no judgment from me. They aren’t them anymore when they turn. If you hesitated, you wouldn’t be here.”

She doesn’t want to think about that anymore, so she changes the subject, hoping he’ll let her. “You said your friend’s not coming back. Is he…”

“Ran off after some woman. Been looking for a week, but it’s only getting worse out there. I gotta keep moving. Might’ve waited too long already.”

“You’re leaving? To where?”

“We had a plan to start heading east. Lots of farmland out that way. Me and him, we grew up in the system together. There was this place our foster parents took us once. Only once. Acres of land, fruit trees for miles. We’ll have a better chance out there.

You have anyone you’re trying to get to? Family? Friends?”

“No. It’s just me and Lucy now.”

Her face has fallen and she can’t control it.

He didn’t say this was permanent. One night might be all they get.

She couldn’t fault him for that. They are a burden, plain and simple.

Eating precious resources and sounding the alarm every time Lucy cries.

All her promises about keeping quiet were only a desperate lie.

Babies cry. No matter what. There’s going to come a time when she can’t stop it and they both know that.

Cole gets up to peer out the window, speaking to the glass instead of her. “Never said anything about booting you two out on your own, but—”

“But?”

“No guarantees here. Hell, I could step out that door and get bit tomorrow. Don’t go expecting any heroics. I can’t promise to keep you safe and if something happens…”

“I understand.”

“Okay. Good.”

He has no idea that he’s already done more for them than anyone has in a very long time.

Her emotions are all over the place and she’d be tempted to cry them out in relief at knowing she won’t be alone come morning if she wasn’t still so doubtful.

He doesn’t seem like a liar, but trusting anyone fully is difficult.

Olivia props a sleepy and full Lucy over her shoulder for a burp, patting her tiny back while she gurgles.

“She’s real cute,” Cole says, in the first soft tone she’s heard all evening.

The pride that washes over her is brand new, but welcome. “She’s the only good thing to have come out of that marriage. He didn’t want her, but I do. It was all worth it because now she’s here.”

“Is that normal?”

She squints in confusion at the odd question until he gestures to the red stain she’s leaving on the bed sheets after shifting around.

Olivia’s learned to shut down her tears or risk being on the wrong end of a fist. She spent years waiting for Jason to leave for work so she could cry alone. But now, her face cracks and creases as a few salty tracks escape. “I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up. I’m sorry.”

She should have known this would happen. She read the books and googled until her fingers threatened carpal tunnel.

“I’m not trying to give you a hard time about it,” he replies. “Never known anyone that’s had a baby. Not sure if you’re about to pass out again.”

“Oh. I think it’s normal for a couple of days, maybe a week or two. I don’t feel like passing out.”

“Couple weeks? How can someone bleed for that long and not die?”

The innocent and perplexed way he asks has her huffing in sad amusement. “Your guess is as good as mine. ”

She’d like to change the subject, but the reality of the situation won’t let her.

She can’t go to the local Walmart and purchase the entire ‘ what to expect when you’re expecting’ shopping list. This is something that needs to be addressed unless she wants to ruin everything she comes into contact with for the foreseeable future.

“Do you need anything?” he asks, cautiously.

Every item in the baby section of the grocery store, she thinks. “I can write out a short list? If that’s okay.”

Cole seems relieved when she offers him a task. Rifles around in the kitchen drawers for a pen and paper and hands them over.