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Little by little he tries to join them together, but she is tense and her muscles contract rather than open. She braces herself to handle it anyway, knowing that eventually, the pain will subside, but the pressure between her legs is gone a moment later and he watches her with a worried frown.

“It’s too soon after the baby, isn’t it? We’ve got plenty of time. There’s no rush. Doesn’t have to be tonight,” he tells her.

Although part of her reflexive resistance is fear of physical pain, the other part is simply an attempt to avoid losing control. She trusts Cole more than she’s ever trusted anyone, but she is conditioned to expect someone to take , and muscle memory wins over logic.

“I don’t wanna stop yet. Can I…” She reaches down, wrapping a hand around his shaft. ‘Can I put it in myself?’ isn’t something she can voice aloud, but he seems to understand, offering her a nod and letting her guide him.

It might make more sense for her to get on top, then she could easily control the depth and speed, but she wants to feel him on her, pressing her down into the mattress, his body warming hers. She just needs to get past this first step.

She nestles the swollen tip where she’s wet, rubbing him there a moment to make use of the moisture before encouraging him in.

The burn is instant again, and she winces, stopping him with a hand on his hip.

He leans down, teasing her lips with a kiss but never thrusting on his own, letting her gradually open until she takes him in her hand again at the base, bends her knee, and gives a nod of permission to enter another inch.

They join together little by little in an instinctive dance of back and forth, a fingertip to his hip to ask him to wait, a lift of her pelvis to encourage him in, until finally, finally his hipbones find hers and the length of him rests within her.

It’s uncomfortable, pushing at her from all angles, but a sense of accomplishment overcomes her and she smiles up at him, her eyes watering and palms cupping his face until he leans down to kiss her.

When they move together, it’s only a swaying, rocking push. He’s reluctant to leave her at all, the entire shaft buried deep, massaging her walls instead of thrusting. It gives her a chance to relax and uncoil around him until the pain fades and she’s certain she’ll combust from the pressure alone.

All at once, she needs him to move. Needs to feel the slide of him within her and she rakes her nails down his spine, digging the heel of her foot into the back of his thigh in encouragement.

The first firm, long thrust rips a grunt from his throat that he sears into her neck and has her gasping when he hits a spot that’s got her toes curling already.

He moves slow and steady, making sure she feels every inch before withdrawing slightly until only the tip holds her open, and then thrusting back in until there’s nowhere left to go.

So this is what she’s been missing. All those times she used to wonder how anyone could want this, crave it, desire it, when the idea of pleasure instead of pain felt like a fantasy.

Another release begins to build in her lower belly and suddenly nothing matters except capturing it. She needs him to touch her and all her reservations about that particular act dissolve as she throbs and trembles, desperate for an orgasm beyond her reach. “I need. Cole…please, I need…”

“Tell me. Show me.”

She guides his hand between them, and he catches on, skillfully tracing a few swift circles just above their connection, before losing control himself.

That’s all it takes before she’s gripping him tight, hips rolling and legs bending high by his ribs while spasms sear through her, muscles squeezing him hard with the force of it.

She’s over-sensitive and sated when he follows a few moments later.

His body jerks and his cock twitches as his face presses into the curve of her neck, her name on his lips like a declaration.

She has enough energy left to wrap her ankles around his waist and lock him in place, one hand threading through his hair and the other curled up his shoulder as she breathes him in.

As they lie together, their aftershocks mingle, his weight delicious, while the lingering heaviness between her thighs triggers endorphins to surge through her veins.

She is drunk on this feeling. Already wants to do this again and again, and can’t believe she’s even having that thought.

It’s a foreign concept, but she’s so ready for this to be her life now and so lucky that it is.

When he finally pulls out of her, she winces, missing him already. They tangle together beneath the sheets, her ear over his pounding heart and his hand stroking warm and easy up her back.

“I wish it didn’t take the apocalypse for us to meet, but finding you is still the best thing to ever happen to me,” he says into the darkness.

“I’d do it all again if I knew we’d end up here.”

* * *

Later, after she’s fed the baby and they’ve curled up together again, quick to fall into a deep sleep, Cole flinches beside her.

His eyes move rapidly under closed lids and a pained moan escapes into the space between them.

She is about to move away, like she knows that she should, but his arm finds her and instead of lashing out, he curls into her body seeking comfort.

She pulls him closer, feeling him partially wake with a start before reflexively settling his head over her ribs and allowing her to hold him. Even one blissful night together isn’t enough to chase away every ounce of stress that fuels their nightmares.

“I’ve got you,” she whispers, letting him drift off cocooned in her arms where no one else can touch him.

His heart must know the safety she offers even in sleep and the trust in his reaction, when waking him during a nightmare had been such a violent act before, soothes something deep inside her that only he can reach.

Secluded in a cozy farmhouse nestled in a valley, they stand on the brink of a new beginning. For the first time in a long time, she can’t wait to see what the future holds.

* * *

It’s a beautiful day to watch the horses in the pasture.

They’ve brought a blanket out and food for a picnic on an unseasonably warm winter evening and it’s easy to believe for a moment that everything is safe again. That the world isn’t ending and they’ve found an oasis.

The baby’s babbling delights Cole, who’s been trying to talk to her since the beginning. It’s been one-sided up until now and he can’t get enough of her silly responses.

“Yep, yep, that’s true. You’re right,” he says seriously, talking to Lucy like she’s an adult, pausing to let her reply with a string of incoherent nonsense while her hands flail in excitement.

“What about that spotted one over there? That’s a good horse too, right?”

Lucy gurgles with a delighted squeal.

“Yeah, I get it. Brown one is shinier. How about we get a cow, too? The brown ones give you chocolate milk.”

Lucy is all for chocolate cows and Olivia laughs. “Keep telling her that and she’ll think it’s true.”

He glances up at her, long hair beginning to flutter into his eyes. “Wanna get in on this debate?”

“No.” She smiles. “You two are doing just fine.”

“Your momma says chocolate milk cows don’t exist, but we’ll show her.”

It’s hard to look away, and as he picks up their conversation again, she’s reminded of the first time she saw him talking to Lucy after passing out in a nursing home from exhaustion.

Had only begun to feel the first stirrings of affection for him at that point and then there he was, talking to the baby like she was his.

They haven’t spoken of it aloud, but she’s suddenly overwhelmed with the need to make sure he knows the role he’s been playing is open to him in an official capacity, if that’s what he wants.

It seems like an unspoken understanding already, but he is just as insecure about matters of the heart as she is.

In a world where tomorrow isn’t promised, they can’t rely on assumptions.

When he veers from cows to first word lessons, trying to get her to say ‘Cole’, she’s given a perfect opportunity.

“You’d have better luck winning this bet if you tried for ‘dada’ instead.”

“Can I?” he asks carefully, so hopeful that she aches in all those hidden places only he can bring to life.

“Of course you can. You’ve loved her, protected her, saved her life more than once. She already knows who her father is, Cole. I see it every time she looks at you. She’s ours , if that’s what you want.”

“I do.” His face instantly breaks as if she’s gifted him something he’s been too afraid to hope for.

His whole life he has wanted nothing more than a family.

Coveted it from the people who ran this farm, the children in the system alongside him who got adopted when he didn’t, and the other kids in school who had picture-perfect childhoods.

He longed for a place to belong and people to belong to and she only wishes they found each other sooner.

“You hear that, sweetheart?” he says to Lucy, letting her grab his fingers in her chubby fists. “You’ve got two parents that love you a whole lot.”

He isn’t the emotional type, and she suspects what he’s shown her over the course of these last few months that they’ve settled here on the farm is more than he’s ever shown anyone. Even now he tries to curb his excitement out of habit, but his eyes shine and his smile lifts bright anyway.

“I’ll still win that bet, though,” she teases, covering her emotions with a joke as she wipes away a tear with the back of her hand.

“Pfft. We’ll see about that. It’s on now. ”

He couldn’t be Lucy’s father any more than he already is even if they made her together, and when he flashes the baby a soft smile and resumes their lesson, she knows this is what it must feel like to get everything you’ve ever wanted and more.

If only it didn’t take the world crumbling to find each other.