Page 48 of Say You'll Never Let Go

“This is funny?” he scowls.

“Yes. Will you listen to yourself? I almost kneecapped the man you think can make me happy. I smashed the taillights on his car as a message to stay away, but you’re trying to shove me toward him? What do I need to do to make it clear that I’m not interested because both of you seem to have a hard time figuring it out.”

He gapes at her. Kinda hard to argue with that. “It’s ah…I just…”

She raises a brow, almost sassy.

“You deserve a normal life. With normal people that you don’t have to clean up after and manage. Could have a family, could have—”

“You are my family,” she says firmly. “You always have been. And nothing is normal anymore. I have everything I need right here. I’m not going back to Paradise Falls. I know I said we could talk about it in two weeks, but I can’t do it. I need you to understand because I’m not sure I can’t explain it any better.”

He knew she’d refuse to go when the time came. He’s not as opposed to the idea now as he was before. Things change. He isn’t as worried that he’ll hurt her while he’s awake. Sleeping is another issue, even if his hair-trigger is relaxing little by little.

He can’t think too hard about what else she may be saying. Feels like she’s bearing her heart to him, but he’s too afraid of being wrong to consider it.

“Okay,” he agrees finally. “We won’t go back, but we still need to think about finding a new spot. Like I said, it’s not Luke I’m worried about. The others are still out there. Not ready yet to deal with that. Don’t want you in the line of fire if they find us.”

“You’re worried about them, and I’m worried Luke is going to come back and force us out.”

“You think he’d do that?”

She shrugs. “I think he assumes something awful is happening here. It’s absurd, but I don’t put it past him to try to save me against my will.”

“Fuck.” He hadn’t considered that. Now, it’s an even more present danger.

“There’s another community I trade at sometimes. We could try there. Or, the camp by the river if you really want to, or…” she trails off.

“Or?”

“We stay here and refuse to let him or anyone drive us out. I’m not going to push you to go back to one of the communities before you’re ready.”

The idea of a place crawling with people has his anxiety skyrocketing hard enough that he tenses beside her. She lets out a soft little hum, rubbing a hand down the length of his arm from elbow to wrist and back again.

“It would be safer behind gates,” he admits. “Walls. Weapons.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Is it what you want? You said this is where you want to be. Here in this house.”

“No, I never said in this house. I only meant with you.”

“Oh.”

He doesn’t know how to react to something that honest. It’s another reminder that she isn’t how he remembers her. Never used to be so plain with her words, but now the filter is gone and she doesn’t bother trying to speak in their usual riddles. He isn’t ready to venture out into the world again, but they’re being shoved from the nest, anyway.

“Tell me that won’t be the last stop, though? If we go to that other place you trade with?” he tries sadly. “When this is over, we’ll go somewhere else? Anywhere else?”

“Run away on a road trip together?” she smiles, her tone sweet and hopeful.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“Okay. When it’s over, we’ll get on the bike and see where we end up.”

He’s lost count of how often he’s thought about it. Now, a life together, in whatever capacity she’ll allow him, is a new goal to work towards.

“I keep thinking about Cole,” he half whispers. “I wish I could remember what plan we had. Where we were going. It’s all so fucking fuzzy. He must think I’m long gone by now, if he’s even still alive.”

“He is. If there’s anyone else who can survive this life, it’s Cole.”