Page 139 of Say You'll Never Let Go
It’s always so difficult for her to accept comfort, but this time she’s practically clawing under his skin to get closer. If she lets go, he might disappear. She can’t do this alone.
“You weren’t inside those places like I was. You didn’t see firsthand how they lived. How they treated each other,” he replies calmly. “If you weren’t a prisoner, you were one of them. Always. Do you remember the girl I told you about who cleaned my cell?”
Kara nods.
“They let her in there with me alone like it was no big thing. Didn’t care that I could have hurt her. I showed her that little mouse one night that used to sit in my hand. I asked her what happened to her parents, and she said they traded her to Silas for food and protection. She was just a kid. I always hope thatshe got out somehow. That kinda life is what was waiting for the child you found. That life or worse. Hell, she probably didn’t belong to a single one of them to begin with. If she did, then you need to remember that even terrible people have children. She is so much better off anywhere else but there. The kind of guilt you’re holding onto doesn’t fit in this world anymore. If you’re looking for someone to call you a monster for what you’ve done, then you’ll have to keep looking because that’s not gonna be me.”
Her breath hitches. In the back of her mind, of course she knew it was possible that girl she found was never related to any of Silas’s people.
In her heart, she assigned the same grief and trauma to that baby that Kara carried her whole life. “Do you want to know the numbers? I’ll tell you. If you need to know how many I’ve—”
“Shhh, I don’t need to know. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t.”
She often wondered how he could ever look at her again once he truly understood the extent of what she did to save him. How could he? The reality is that she holds far more blame in her heart than he could ever put on her.
“You have always done the hard things when others couldn’t,” he whispers into the crown of her head, rubbing a hand along her upper arm. “I would still be a hostage if it weren’t for you. You didn’t hurt that child, you saved her like you saved me. I love you.”
It’s a soft promise as he holds her snug, then the world is spinning and she’s being scooped off the ground and carried back into the safety of the trailer to be deposited onto the bed, where he doesn’t hesitate to curl around her, tucking her in safe against him.
She’s admitted her worst crime and his reply is that he loves her.
“I wasn’t going to jump,” she says, her voice raw. “I want to stay out here with you forever.”
“That’s what I want, too. What I’ve always wanted. We’ll plant a fruit tree, me and you, right here on this land. We’ll watch the sunset every night and play fetch with the dog. Huddle under the blankets in the winter and go skinny dipping in the summer…”
She drifts off to the sound of his voice describing all the wonderful things they’ll do together with the steady beat of his heart under her ear and the dog tucked behind the bend of her knees.
There are no ghosts when she sleeps. Only visions of a future within reach.
* * *
Four Months Later
Kara is up early this morning to see the sunrise. Red desert lies before her, muted and silent until the first rays pop over the mountains beyond the cliff’s edge, bathing the ground in a surreal glow.
There’s no ring on her finger, but she doesn’t need one of those, just like she never needed that white dress stuffed into the closet. She and Wade already have rings around each other’s hearts without any extra trinkets required.
The dog plays with a stick nearby. The same dog that she said they shouldn’t keep. Cherry is staying. That much was clear from the moment they found her. Kara hadn’t wanted to admit it then, too afraid to get attached, but she’s taking her chances these days. Letting herself feel what she feels and if that meansshe loves this damn dog who always makes them laugh, then so be it.
It’s not the dog who brightens her smile this morning, though, it’s the warm arms that snake around her waist from behind as she stands at the window.
“Breakfast is ready,” Wade says, like her best dream come to life.
“Stay here with me a little longer first? Just until it’s too bright.” She nestles further back at his nod of approval at enjoying one of the simple things in life.
Their days are easy out here. Everything else has been stripped away, leaving only them. No enemies to fight. No communities to trade with. Nothing more important to do than hunt their dinner, harvest their crops, and keep working on the bar down the mountain trail they cleared a few weeks back. It might make a good place to hunker down when the hard winter hits. They’d have a fire there in a large hearth, but with that comes the dangers of attracting others, and so far, they’ve put off using it. She never wants to see anyone else again. Odds are they’ll find people or people will find them, but she can only hope it’s temporary.
She still has a hard time believing this is her life now. They’ve left their traumas back east in favor of looking ahead. That means the others will assume them dead eventually, though she isn’t bothered by that. She’s always been more than willing to leave the past behind for a chance at a better future.
They are happy here in a little silver trailer at the end of a cliff, making a new life out of the ashes. They even found lemon and apple seeds in a farm store a few miles up the road. Cultivated them inside just like the package said, and by spring, they’ll have a row of sprouting greens just down the trail in all that flat land they talked about farming.
They’re growing one sapling at a time. One day, when they’re tall enough to bear fruit, she’ll tick another item off her bucket list and pick apples in her very own orchard.
Thankfully, they’ve already doubled that list. It grows and fans out just like the roots in those trees, and the strength of the only relationship she’s ever felt like herself in.
Kara has spent the majority of her life in love with Wade. She’s searched for him, missed him, lusted after him, and cried for him. Devoted years to bringing them back together. Threatened to burn what’s left of the world if it didn’t give him back to her.
Now, the missing piece of her heart is back where it belongs. The weight of finally having what she thought she’d lost forever settles into her chest like peace. Every what-if, every tear, every scar she carried to get here is all part of the path that led her home. For the first time in a long time, the future doesn’t feel so far away. It feels like something they’ll build together, one quiet, beautiful day at a time.