Page 36 of Say You'll Never Let Go

When he snatches his hand back into his own space, her heart sinks. She watches him leave the bed and pace a rut into the floor, his frustration with himself plain to see.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, returning a moment later to take up the spot across from her after having shaken out a couple of ounces of stress.

“I’m not. That’s still a win. There’s no stopwatch keeping track of how long you can maintain it.”

The only thing left to do now is try to take his mind off this. She needs the distraction just as badly, or she’ll get sucked down the depressing rabbit hole of knowing her touch bothers him so much that he’s begun to sweat.

“Tell me something aboutyouI don’t yet,” she tries. “Anything. You know about my tattoo and a few other random facts. It’s my turn to get one now.”

He pauses, brows creasing as he thinks. “You know everything about me already.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

He is the closest person to her, but she certainly doesn’t know everything about him. They’ve gone long stretches without seeing each other, even before his abduction when the everyday hassle of life would pull them in opposite directions. Every year, he would still show up at her door with a cupcake on her birthday, though. Take her dancing and drinking, and spend the evening doing ridiculous things like singing Karaoke.

“I used to dream about going to Arizona,” he answers.

“What’s in Arizona?”

“Nothing. That’s the point. I mean, I’m sure there’s something. Probably got big cities and had plenty of people. It just always looked…peaceful. Desolate. Beautiful. All that desert to explore. No one around to bother you.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Pfft. Because it didn’t matter. I wasn’t ever going. Not back then and definitely not now.”

She imagines him dreaming of road trips out west. Exploring the red sand deserts and getting lost where no one could find him. “Colorado was always on my list. They have three hundred days of sun. You know there’s nothing stopping us anymore, right?”

“Except the threat of the undead, lack of gas, and sparse supplies?”

She huffs. “Well, there’sthat.”

“Is that really where you’d wanna go if you could? Colorado? Thought about other places, too?”

She pauses, uncertain if she should reply truthfully, but on the list of things they keep from each other, it’s relatively small, so she caves. “Everything out west. Colorado, Arizona, California. The map is large, and there’s nothing but time now. Why not see a few things before fate sends a rotter for me?”

“I don’t think it’s rotters you gotta worry about anymore. It’s other live people that’ll get us.”

“Okay, this conversation is taking a turn,” she teases carefully.

“What if I can never leavethisplace?” he asks, suddenly. “You’ve thought about that, right? All this talk about traveling and we’re ignoring the possibility that I’ll be a shut-in forever.”

“I have thought about it.”

“Physically, I might eventually be able to leave. But maybe I never…fit somewhere else again. Not that I ever did before.”

Kara never fit either. Doesn’t tell him that though, because it’ll sound like she’s agreeing he may always be an outcast. “You fit just fine right here with me. If that means we hold down the fort in this house forever, then that’s what we’ll do. One day at a time. You’re already shattering a lot of what-ifs.”

She isn’t foolish enough to think he’ll abandon the idea of going back to the community yet. It’s still there, under the surface, as the backup plan he thinks she needs for her safety. At least he’s thinking of alternate options now, even if they are depressing worst-case scenarios.

“Few more games of poker?” she asks. “Teach me how to play better so I can beat you again?”

He smirks. “Alright.”

* * *

“Should we put a leash on him?” Kara says.

“Don’t have a leash.”