Page 126 of Say You'll Never Let Go

“My dad taught me,” Carrie’s face crumbles and she goes quiet for a moment, gripping the water bottle for dear life before turning to Wade. “Do you two have any kids? Will you be staying here? Maybe I could play with them.”

Her question is innocently hopeful and completely unaware of how forward it is.

Having kids isn’t something he’s ever thought about much. He’s always had a hard enough time taking care of himself. Would have had to find a woman first willing to tolerate him long term, who he actually wanted to be with, and that was a monumental task in itself. Maybe his face does a weird thing andKara reads it wrong because she bites her lower lip, watching him like his silence is more telling than any answer could be.

“No kids, and we’re not staying. We’re on a road trip, so we’ll be moving on,” he replies, making a mental note to ask Kara later what that look means.

She’s never mentioned wanting kids in all the time he’s known her. Then again, he never asked.

Can’t talk about it now though, ain’t the time for that. They focus on the girl and getting her home, which turns out to be simple once they lure her into the SUV. Twenty minutes later, they’re miles down a dirt road that wraps around the valley and ends up at a cottage with a smoking chimney.

A woman flies out the front door with a shotgun pointed right at them until her daughter appears from the backseat and rushes into her arms.

They don’t wait around for a thank you, not when the news of what happened to Carrie’s father is confessed and the scene in front of them turns tragic instead of hopeful. Instead, they leave the cottage behind and make a silent drive back to their cabin, hands intertwined between the seats.

* * *

“Today was a good day,” Kara says, heading straight for the bathroom to flick on the shower. “Mostly.”

“We nailed our side quest.” His attempt at a joke doesn’t even earn him a half smile. “But you don’t look happy.”

They saved the girl this time, yet Kara has turned melancholy.

She ignores his statement, her tone soft and pleading. “Take a shower with me?”

“Okay.”

There’s no teasing or flirting this time. They’re somber as they shed their clothes and step under the spray. He isn’t sure what has her feeling this down. It’s not lost on him that she isn’t looking for sex right now, only for a way to be closer.

He always lacked the ability to truly be there for her the way she needed. He tried, of course, but the barrier that kept them only friends also prevented the type of solace they craved from each other.

Now, he has a whole new way to offer comfort.

She soaps him up with a barely there smile and he shampoos her hair with something that smells like lavender, watching her eyes slip closed at the gentle massage, shivering with an approving hum that confirms she’s finally able to relax.

It’s not until they’ve rinsed and the last suds circle the drain that she leans her head on his shoulder and curls her arms up his back. He knows what she wants by now, so he wraps her up and squeezes snug. Tucks her in against him until she gives him the signal that he can loosen his hold in the way her cheek nuzzles against his skin and her own grip on him softens.

“I can never give you that,” she whispers, stilling the stroke of his hand along the nape of her neck with the regret in her words. “I can’t. I wouldn’t survive the loss if we had a child, and this world took them from us. A baby could have the protection of a whole community and still end up on the wrong end of a rotter, or lose their family to an enemy bullet.”

“I don’t need a baby, Kara. Wasn’t ever thinking about that. I just need you. What’s got you so worried about this all of a sudden?”

“You deserve—”

His finger curls under her chin, tilting her face up. “I would never risk losing you if something went wrong. This world is no place for a child anymore. Me and you, we’re enough. Not trying to test fate. I don’t need anything else to be happy.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. You’re my girl, remember? That’s all I want.”

She sighs, nestling into him again while the water pelts her back. “I’m your girl.”

Now would be a natural end to this conversation, but if ever there was a time to check on something practical, this would be it. “Do we need to start looking for condoms?”

“It’s not a bad idea to grab them if we can, but I already know how to make sure it doesn’t happen. My cycle is like clockwork, even with all the stress I’m constantly under. We’ll have to avoid certain days, but I’m sure we can find other, more creative things to do.”

He has no doubt they’ll be able to figure that part out.

“Will you just lay in bed with me for a while today?” she continues. “We can put on that DVD collection under the TV.”