Page 22 of Say You'll Never Let Go

Her emotions cluster in a tornado aimed at the back of the car until she’s out of breath with a pile of glass and plastic at her feet.

No one stops her. Not even the men in the wagon who came armed enough to do it.

She tosses the firewood back onto the pile when she returns to the porch, addressing Adam with an even tone that’s a mismatch for how winded she is. “The apocalypse is no excuse for a broken taillight. He should get those fixed.”

“That’s the message?” Adam cringes.

“Yep. That, and don’t send anyone else to check on us unless he wants me to try the chainsaw out back on the next carriage. I don’t know if the gas in it still works, but we can find out.”

“Got it. Sure thing. I’ll um…let him know that very clear message.”

“Thanks.”

She’s overcome with satisfaction right up until he turns to leave and something in her cracks. What the hell is she doing? Is she the type of person who smashes cars to a pulp now? It would seem so.

“Adam?” Her voice wobbles, so much smaller now. “Thank you for the supplies.”

She points to the box set by the door filled with food. Adam has always been sweet to her. It’s not his fault that Luke thinks he’s showing her he cares by disregarding her wishes.

“Anytime. Are you okay? I mean, really okay?”

“You mean, aside from the fact that I don’t play well with others anymore?”

“Aside from that.”

“Physically, I’m fine. The rest of it…we’ll get there. Me and him. We will, but we have to do this alone.”

“I get it. I’ll try to make him understand.”

“Is my bike still there?” She doesn’t think anyone took it, but it would be just her luck to learn it’s gone.

“Still waiting for you. I put it in the barn so it won’t get wet when it rains.”

“Thank you.”

It’s too soon to go back for it. The moment she can, she has every intention of going on a bike ride with Wade when he’s ready. It might be exactly what he needs.

Adam leaves in the wagon she demolished, and then she’s alone again. Squeezes her eyes shut for a single heartbeat, tryingto force herself calm before going back in. If she’s losing it, then he will be, too.

Wade’s waiting just inside the door with her shotgun gripped tight in a shaky fist.

At first, she’s proud that he left the bedroom, but that’s overruled by why.

“They’re gone,” she says softly. “Luke sent them to check on us, even brought some food, but it won’t happen again.”

He takes that in for far longer than she knows what to do with before the gun slowly slides to the ground and he silently disappears into the bedroom.

It’s hard not to feel like the progress they’ve made was shunted backward again, but things are still better than they were at the start. He isn’t redirecting his aggression toward her. He can stop himself. For someone who thinks he has no control, she’s seen him wield plenty.

Steam from the kettle wafts out from the kitchen, so she busies herself heating the bucket of water in the bathroom. Puts a fluffy towel over the edge of the tub and barely keeps from fussing over how it’s folded just to give herself something to do.

He’s not on the bed when she goes looking. That sparks panic until she finds him in the corner on the floor, wedged between the bed and the side table. Maybe he feels safer there, tucked in somewhere small where no one can sneak up on him, she thinks sadly. His stare stretches a thousand yards through the opposite wall and even through her when she sits in his field of vision, joining him on the ground with her back to the bed. She stays far enough away that he could leave if he wanted, not trying to make anything feel like a cage.

“You broke the taillights,” he says simply. “I saw. There was a crack in the curtains.”

He was watching her the whole time, making sure nothing happened and ready to do something about it if it did.Adrenaline helped him there, but now that it’s eased off, he’s in no position to do much of anything. That bravery is only boosted when she’s in danger.

“Felt a little cathartic, to be honest. I might have enjoyed those wreck rooms people used to go to before the turn. You know, give someone an ax and let them break a bunch of windows.”