Page 38

I pace behind the front door, waiting for Ryan to pick me up and bring me to Jax.

He promised he wouldn’t kill Rhett and Tanner, promised he’d bring me to them, but he wanted to see them first, wanted to speak with them before I arrived.

A part of me wanted to say no, wanting to be the only one to deal with them, but I also knew Jax was hurting, Ryan too, and they wanted their own moment to release some of the things they had been feeling; the opportunity to unleash the anger, pain, and frustration that had taken up so much of their lives lately. Still, I can’t help the uneasy feeling that is churning inside of me, wondering what state Rhett and Tanner will be in when I see them, and what side of Jax and Ryan I’ll witness.

I pick up my phone, looking at the time, as I continue to tread the length of the entryway and back, waiting for the sound of Ryan’s motorcycle coming back for me. As if on cue my phone starts to ring, and I look at the screen in anticipation, but it’s not Jax or Ryan’s name that flashes across the screen.

“Hello?” I say tentatively.

“Evi, hi.”

It takes everything to remember to breathe as I freeze, before my shoulders sag with relief, his voice nostalgic in my ear.

“Garrett…” I don’t know what to say, how to go back to talking to him after months of radio silence. My hand tightens around my phone, frustration and anger bubbling to the surface. My stomach feels as though I’ve been punched as I remember the pain of being cut off from him so suddenly.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long,” he starts tentatively.

Something must be wrong. Why else would he be calling?

“Is everyone okay?” I cut him off. “Did something happen—”

“Everyone’s fine,” he says quietly. “Though it seems as though you haven’t been.”

“Wha—”

“I saw the video.” He lets out a loud exhale and everything I was feeling goes quiet as I freeze, my chest tightening as panic surges through me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to cover shakily.

He lets out a strangled sound, something between a laugh and a cry. “I recognize your apartment, Evi. The world might not, but I do.”

Fuck.

“Look, this isn’t a good time for me.” I look at the front door, anticipating Ryan at any second. “But if you just called to rub it in my face, to add it to the list of things I’ve done to push the family even further away from me, then—”

“I’m calling to check in on you,” he says quietly. “I’m calling to make sure you’re okay… to ask what I can do to help you.”

I pause, not expecting that.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why now?” I huff a sigh. “You just cut me off, Garrett. One word from dad and you just chose to ignore my existence. So why? Why do you care now?”

I rub a shaky hand over my face, lacking the capacity to deal with this now, to deal with the flood of emotions that slam into me.

“You’re my sister,” he says, his voice thick with sadness. He takes a breath. “You’re my sister and this happened to you. Deny it all you want. I know it was you, blurred face or not… I know what your apartment looks like.”

“I’m fine now,” I say quietly. “It took a while but I’m… fine.”

“I’m sorry, you know.”

I pause my pacing at his apology.

“I’ve regretted cutting you off every single day,” he explains. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that by staying in their good graces, by being the son they want me to be and following their rules, I could help get them to see your side of things. I thought I could get them to realize that what you were doing—following your dreams—isn’t something to be punished for. But the more time I spent around them, the more I tried to convince them otherwise, the more they painted you as the villain in their story. The more they pushed back against everything you were doing, and it just made it worse. And then the video surfaced…”

His voice goes quiet, and it sounds like he’s pacing back and forth now, perhaps unsure of what to say, or how to say it.

“Fuck, Evi,” he says, the frustration and hurt in his tone audible. “I should have responded to your text. When you said you hadn’t been good… but I didn’t. I was too caught up in my own shit, too focused on trying to appease dad. And to think…” He trails off, taking another breath before continuing, “To think you went through that and I couldn’t even text you back to check in on you, to make sure you were okay. I am so sorry.”

I take a shaky breath, as sadness and relief both threaten to overwhelm me.

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault,” I say automatically.

“It is,” he says, defeat lacing his words. “I made a choice, and I chose wrong. I chose not to be there for you, and I’ll regret that for as long as I live. I want to be here for you now, but I understand if you’re not interested. I acted like a total dick.”

I pause, unsure of how to respond, how to process all of what he’s saying when half my attention is elsewhere, anticipating what I’m going to do shortly. How do I tell him how much his silence stung over the past several months? How do I explain how his willingness to abandon me so quickly, the betrayal of his actions, caused a kind of pain I never want to experience again?

“I… I need some time to think about that.” I try to summon some confidence, some semblance of assertiveness, but I miss him, I miss my family, as much as I don’t want to admit it.

“You hurt me, Garrett,” I continue. “I know our parents were never on my side, but I thought you would always have my back, and then you just… disappeared from my life. And that hurt. And now the only reason you’re reaching out is because you saw what I went through, instead of reaching out when I texted you in the first place. I just… I just need some time to process all of this.”

“I get that, I do,” he replies solemnly. “And I am sorry. I’m sorry I cut you off. I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. And I’m sorry that you’ve been going through this alone.”

I sigh. “Not quite alone,” I say. When he doesn’t answer I continue, “I’ve been seeing someone for a while, and he’s been… helping me navigate everything. He’s been wonderful.” I smile at just the thought of Jax.

“I’m happy you’ve had someone to help you,” Garrett says carefully.

I check the time on my phone again, wondering what Jax is doing right now, waiting impatiently for Ryan to come get me.

“Anyway, I should probably go. Like I said, it’s not the best time,” I say into the phone. “Plus we want to keep you on good terms with Dad, right?” I can’t help the sarcasm that drips into my tone.

“He cut me off too,” Garrett says solemnly.

Surprise rolls through me. “He what?”

“He knows about the video…” He trails off.

I feel like I can’t breathe. “Did he…” I can’t bring myself to finish the sentence, to ask if he saw it.

“I told him about the video. He knows what happened to you, but he never watched it,” Garrett says quietly as if reading my mind.

My dad knows what happened to me, and he hasn’t reached out.

“And he just… what? Doesn’t care enough about me to call and make sure I’m okay?”

Garrett takes breath but doesn’t say anything.

“And what did he say exactly?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Garrett…” I pace nervously as my heart beats loudly in my chest. I take a deep breath, bracing myself for an answer I know I probably won’t like.

“He said that your ability to disappoint him will never cease to amaze him,” he says quickly, as if trying to make the words hurt less by saying them as fast as he can. “I told him he was wrong, told him he had no right thinking—let alone saying—that about you after what happened. And that’s why he cut me off…” He trails off.

I laugh, actually laugh , and I feel crazy for doing so.

“Evi?”

“It’s just…” I laugh again. “It’s so fucking typical of him.” I wipe a tear from my cheek before continuing, “My whole life I tried so hard to make them happy. Did whatever they asked, all the time. The dance lessons, the music lessons… I even let them tell me what degree to pursue at school. I did everything they asked of me, just hoping that they’d see how hard I was trying, and I don’t know… recognize it? Give me some credit for how much I was killing myself to make them happy? And it still wasn’t enough. The second I choose to do something for me, something that I want, they cut me off, and now…” I laugh again. “And now he’s disappointed in me… for being assaulted?” I spit the words as my fists clench and my heartbeat pounds in my ears.

“I lost it at him, trying to explain that none of this was your fault. Trying to talk some sense into him,” Garret says. “You know what he’s like—nothing is ever good enough for him and nothing ever will be. And I know it’s not much of a consolation, but at least he won’t tell anyone about the video.”

“Because he wouldn’t want word getting out about how much of a disappointment I am?”

Garrett ignores my comment. “I won’t tell anyone either, Evi. Maybe not for the same reasons as Dad, but because it’s your story, your experience, and I think you should be able to choose who knows.”

I nod, even though he can’t see me, and my attention snaps to the front door as it opens and Ryan strides into the room.

“Thanks,” I say, “but I really do have to go now.”

I don’t give him the chance to respond before I end the call, pocketing my phone and turning to Ryan, who’s looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“My brother,” I say.

“Ah. Didn’t go well I take it?”

“He saw the video.”

“Shit,” Ryan says. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” I say earnestly. “I just need time to process everything. But that can wait.”

I look at Ryan, really look at him, as if I’ll be able to see some evidence of what exactly has been done to Rhett and Tanner. But there’s nothing about his appearance that hints at what they’ve been up to.

“What did you guys do?” I ask tentatively.

“We had a nice little chat.” He shrugs casually.

“I don’t believe you for a second,” I chirp back, and Ryan smiles.

“Well, Jax and I talked… they were a little too busy screaming to say much.”

I see a flash of the darkness in Ryan’s eyes as it rises to the surface, but it’s gone before I can really see who he is behind his calm exterior.

“And you enjoyed this chat?”

“I did,” he says calmly.

“Do you enjoy having these types of conversations with people often?” I ask, trying to get a better read on him, on the friend he has become to me.

His brows furrow as he contemplates my question. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t,” he says at last. “If someone is stupid enough to hurt a person I care about, to threaten those I love, then yes, I take great pleasure in causing them a lot of pain.”

I don’t know how to respond to that, don’t know how to explain how cared for I feel, even though he just admitted he likes to physically hurt people.

“Let’s go see them then.”

We walk out the door together, before climbing onto his bike, and I let the roar of the engine drown out the sound of my heart hammering in my chest.