Page 37

I sit on the couch, toying with the locket that rests just below my collarbone, watching as both Jax and Ryan pace back and forth in opposite directions, their phones to their ears as they talk to their contacts, people who are a part of their business network.

They’ve been on and off the phone for an hour now, eager to see whether all the pieces of their plan fell into place.

My mind drifts as I wait for news, wait to figure out if our plan has actually worked. I play with the locket, opening and closing it, trying to figure out what to put in it.

I’m startled from my thoughts as Ryan takes the phone away from his ear and pockets it with a wide smile on his face. “We got Tanner,” he says, and a mix of emotions swirl in my chest.

“Now what?” I ask.

“Now, we get even.” The gleam in his eyes is nothing short of malicious and for a heartbeat, one singular heartbeat, I feel sorry for what Tanner is about to endure.

“What will you do to him?”

“Whatever Jax, and you, think should be done to him,” he responds.

I take a moment, pondering his words. What should be done to Tanner?

I think about what he did to me, opening the door to the vault I keep locked deep, deep, within me. I think about the pain as the door crashed into my nose, and the sickening crush the force caused. I think about his arm around me, the feel of his hands tearing at my skin, the pressure of his weight on my chest, and the sinking feeling as something within me died in the murky waters of his assault.

“I think he should die,” I say, not unkindly. Not emotionally. But blandly, factually, and I can’t help but imagine Tanner’s face, lifeless in front of me. I can’t help but feel empowered by the words as they leave my lips, voicing exactly what I want without any shame or hesitation.

A violent smile crosses Ryan’s face as his gaze moves to Jax, who just ended his own phone call, and is giving me a contemplative look.

“You still set on that?” he asks, his tone matching my own, as if we are discussing the weather, and not someone’s life.

“I think he should die. I think he deserves to die after what he did to me.”

“You won’t find any disagreement from us, love,” he says in response, walking towards me and sitting down on the couch beside me.

I shift my body, draping my legs over his lap, and he starts massaging my feet. He doesn’t stop, not even as his phone screen lights up and he glances at it quickly, before staring absentmindedly at the painting on the wall, one I made, lost in his own thoughts.

“I can almost hear you thinking,” Ryan says from across the room as he sinks into an empty armchair.

“We have Rhett,” he says simply.

I sit up quickly, my heart hammering in my chest.

“We found them both? Tanner and Rhett? How?”

Ryan is the first to respond. “Tanner has spent the last two months hiding out down south, if you could call it ‘hiding out’… the estate our guys found him living at is bigger than most subdivisions.” Ryan scoffs, and Jax starts talking.

“And, as predicted, we caught Rhett coming back into the country after his little stint in Europe,” Jax says. “My guys were waiting at the airport after hearing he got on a plane in France with the destination set for back home. They trailed him until he was off the main roads, out of the busy city center, and ambushed him.”

I lean forward, holding onto Jax’s every word, waiting for what he’ll say next. A part of me hopes Rhett is dead already, a part of me hopes he isn’t and has to suffer the wrath that is about to be unleashed on him if he survived the ambush.

“Is he…?” I raise an eyebrow, my unspoken words heard by Jax.

“Yes, he’s alive… for now,” Jax says, his voice barely containing the rage simmering beneath the surface.

Both Jax and Ryan had wanted to be the ones to catch Tanner and Rhett, to physically be there when they made an appearance again. But I talked Jax out of it, wanting him here so I could hear exactly how everything was playing out. Perhaps that was selfish of me, perhaps I deserved it after what I had been put through, but I am happy to have Jax by my side right now as the wave of emotions comes crashing down on me at the idea of this almost being over. I swallow the bile that threatens to rise in my throat, as I shift in my seat.

“I want to be the one to kill him. To kill both of them.”

Jax raises his eyebrows, and I catch Ryan looking at him, a similar surprised expression on his face.

“You’re not a killer, love,” Jax says, not for the first time. I hear the flood of emotion in his voice, the concern and sympathy he has for me laced with the anger and violence he has planned for them.

“I could be,” I say quietly. “They deserve it. I deserve it. I want my voice to be the last thing they hear before they die.”

I want them to experience what true fear and helplessness feels like. I want them to know they deserve everything that happens to them after what they did to me.

“I get the anger, I do. I know you want revenge, and trust me when I say no one wants it more than me right now. But killing someone… it changes you. And I don’t know if you’re ready for what that choice will bring—”

“Tanner raped me, Jax. He did that to me !” I yell, unable to help the anger and sorrow that mix in my voice. “And Rhett—” I huff a laugh, but it sounds all wrong. “All of this is because of Rhett. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. ‘They all signed their death certificates for being involved,’ that’s what you said. You want them dead, and I want them dead too. So what’s the problem? What’s the difference if I’m the one who pulls the trigger, or—or however you’re planning on doing it.”

I didn’t realize I had been crying until Jax reaches over me, his brow furrowed with concern as he wipes the tears off of my cheek, before kissing my forehead. A gentle, tender gesture, a side of him that I know is reserved for me alone.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, love,” he says simply. “If you want to be the one to end them, if this is what will help make things right for you, then okay.”

“Jax, you can’t be serious,” Ryan starts before a glare from Jax quiets him.

“If this is what you need, then I’ll be here every step of the way supporting you. We both will,” he says, looking from me to Ryan who nods his head as well, albeit hesitantly.

“So what’s the plan?”

*

I lay in bed, exhausted yet unable to sleep, watching the sun rise slowly and the sky change from black to gray to all the pastel hues that I love to see, and desperately want to capture on a canvas.

We had stayed up late last night, the three of us talking about what is to be done, discussing the finer points of the plan now that we have finally found Rhett and Tanner.

Despite how many times we went over everything, despite the continuous planning, I still can’t figure out how I feel about all of this—my emotions too intertwined to make sense of it all just yet.

Tension I didn’t know I had been holding onto seemed to have dissipated when I heard they had both been caught, as if just knowing they were no longer out in the world, that they were no longer able to do this to anyone else, provided me with a sense of relief I didn’t know I needed.

They become different people when they drink… especially around women. The memory of Bryce’s words ring loudly in my head. They’ve treated women badly before, they had done this to me, and now they’d never be able to do it to anyone again.

I look to Jax, still sleeping next to me, and can’t help but admire the man beside me, the one who was a steady presence as I slowly pieced myself together. Not only saving me, but helping me save myself. I run a hand over his chest, over the heart shaped tattoo that filled in the final blank piece of skin.

“Ogling me in my sleep doesn’t count as resting,” Jax says groggily.

“I’m not ogling you,” I reply with a smile.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it, you’re not the first woman who has had trouble keeping her eyes—”

I don’t let him finish his sentence, not as my pillow is launched at him, and his laugh fills the room.

“Okay, okay, you’re the only woman who has trouble keeping her eyes off of me,” he says. I grab another pillow, ready to playfully launch it at him, before he puts his hands up in defeat. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now stop throwing pillows at me and come here,” he says, propping himself up so he’s sitting against the headboard.

I sit next to him, snuggled with his arm around me, nuzzling into the warmth and safety he provides.

“Any particular reason you couldn’t sleep, or is fawning over me a full-time job?” I give him a look before he continues, “Seriously, love, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t really know.” I take a deep breath, thinking about everything I want to tell him. “I think I’m worried, worried that confronting them will make this one hundred percent real. You know I’m good at keeping things down”—he nods in agreement—“you know I’ve struggled at times, accepting everything that happened, pretending none of it was real. And I guess I just worry that confronting them, will solidify that this actually happened. I’m nervous too, about seeing them, about facing them after what they did, what they’re responsible for. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to do it, won’t be able to stay strong, and that they’ll get the last laugh, seeing me broken, seeing that what they did has impacted every facet of my existence. And I don’t want that.”

Jax’s hands trail idle circles over my thigh, as he contemplates what I just said.

“I think you’re the strongest person I know,” he says, looking at me, his green eyes burning into my own. “I don’t think your strength is dependent on whether or not you confront them, on whether or not you’re composed when you do. I think you’ve already proven, just by being here, how strong you are, and I don’t think anyone can take that from you now.”

I’m speechless, the butterflies in my chest drawing me to him, as I kiss him tenderly on the lips.

“Has anyone told you you’re extremely easy to love?” I murmur quietly.

“Only you.” He smiles, kissing me back, his tongue exploring my mouth slowly, as if he has all the time in the world to figure out who I am. He pulls away slowly. “You sure you want to do this? You sure you want to be there when they die?” he asks, his voice quiet and stern.

“I’m sure. I’m not some fragile doll you need to keep sheltered from your lifestyle. All in or all out, remember? I need this, but more than that, I want this.”

“I find it extremely hot that you want to kill them.”

“And I find your mental stability questionable.” I laugh, and Jax joins me before his mouth finds mine again.

“I could do this forever, you know,” I whisper quietly, my lips still pressing against his.

“What? Point out my stability, or lack of?” he says playfully.

“This, Jax,” I say softly, as I sit up before putting my leg over him, straddling him on the bed. “I could do this forever.” I kiss him again and again, our mouths exploring each other as if it’s the first time, as his hands grab onto me, pulling me closer into him.

He pulls away ever so slightly, bringing his hand up to caress my face. “And I could do this forever, love… I could happily spend my entire life getting lost in you over and over again.”

My breath hitches as he pulls my sleep shirt over my head slowly, my nipples pebbling as the cool air touches them, then Jax’s mouth is on me, his tongue trailing circles over my breasts, his hands gently roaming my body and pulling me in closer to him.

My body responds to him, my soul too, as I yearn for everything he can give me. I move my hips, grinding against the hardness that’s now beneath me, and I feel the familiar ache for him between my thighs.