Page 16

M y canvas is set up on the floor against the wall, the large windows shining light onto the surface as I drag a paintbrush across it, the bristles flowing smoothly as yellow streaks against the white. Yellow has never been my color. It’s too happy, too obviously cheerful, and a part of me resents it.

I snort a laugh at the idea of resenting a color.

I put the paintbrush down, not trying to force the painting out of me, not quite sure what it is I’m trying to achieve. Well, besides trying to forget what a mess I made of yesterday, my plan to go back to normal, to sleep with Jax again, backfiring horribly.

As if summoned by my thoughts he saunters into the bedroom, a smug smile on his face, as he sees me sitting on the floor, my paintbrush unceremoniously dripping yellow paint onto the stone beneath me.

I drink him in, drink in everything about him as he walks slowly towards me, crossing the bedroom in even strides, a glow in his eyes.

He pauses as he gets close to me, looking at me up and down, his eyes lingering on my bare legs, glowing in the light of the setting sun, and the paint dripping onto the floor.

I blush as he takes his phone out of his pocket, the camera clicking as he captures me in front of him.

“What are you doing?” I laugh, and he smiles in return.

“I needed to capture this moment forever.”

“This moment?” I question, raising the dripping paintbrush in front of me as I smile at him.

“Yes, this moment. You are so ravishing, even the sun wants to caress your skin for as long as possible.” His voice is low and husky.

I blush even harder at his declaration, putting the paintbrush down, and wiping my hands on my oversized shirt, hanging loosely around my body.

“What can I do for you this evening, Mr. Turner,” I say, my voice alight with mischief.

“There’s a lot of things you can do for me, and a few of them don’t even require you to get off of the floor,” he purrs suggestively.

“Okay, you have my attention. Tell me”—I start to stand up, grabbing onto the hand he extends to me—“what exactly do you have in mind that would keep me on my knees?”

He tilts my chin up to him, his thumb running over my lower lip. “Oh, I think you know exactly what I have in mind, love.” His voice is raw with desire as he looks at me. “But as much as I’d love to watch you take all of me, feel just how nice the back of your throat is”—he leans closer to me, his lips almost touching mine—“there will be none of that tonight.”

He pulls away and I feel myself lean into the empty space, wanting to close the gap between us, wanting our lips to meet and for my mouth to be filled with the flavor of him.

I let out a frustrated groan as he takes a few steps back, the space between us growing even more. He continues to back towards the door, a mischievous smile lighting his features. “I’m not touching you again until you’re ready for it, love. Ready for all of it. But don’t worry, I have a plan to help you get there.” His smile never falters as he opens the bedroom door again, the twinkle in his eye bright with mischief. His smile is contagious, and I feel the corners of my mouth tilting up to match his. Curiosity has me watching his every move as he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.

A moment later my phone rings, and Jax’s name flashes across my screen.

I pick it up, unable to stop the wide smile that takes over my face.

“Hello?”

“So, tell me, what would you do for my lips to be on yours right now?”

I clench my thighs as a wave of desire washes through me.

“Are you really doing this?” I ask incredulously.

“Depends on what you mean by this ,” he retorts lightly. “But if I were you, I’d make yourself comfortable on the bed.”

I can hear his smile followed by the sound of a zipper being undone.

“Did you—did you just undo your pants?” I stammer.

“Like I said, love, you should get comfortable.”

“Where are you? You could just come back in here and we could try again—”

“I want my lips on your lips. I want to feel your tongue against mine almost as badly as I want to feel myself hitting the back of your throat as you try to take me all in your mouth,” he groans. “You should see what just the thought of you does to me. Now, get on the bed, love.”

I scurry to the bed, trying to contain my excitement, my desire for him already pooling between my legs, as if his voice alone is enough to fulfill my needs.

“Tell me how you want me. Tell me what you would do to me if I was beside you.”

“I, umm…” I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what I would want, how I would want him. I want everything from him, and yet the thought of being with him again, unsure of how I would actually react in the moment, scares me. I let out a breath, trying to think of something to say, something sultry and inviting, while simultaneously trying to quiet my thoughts.

“Take a breath. You are safe. It’s just me on the phone, love, and you’re the only one in the room,” Jax commands gently on the other end of the line. “We can stop if you want to stop, but just know that nothing wrong can come out of those perfect lips, not when you’re talking about us. Close your eyes and tell me what you feel.” His voice trails off.

What do I feel?

“I feel… wet.” My cheeks redden immediately as embarrassment sweeps through me, my brazen honesty almost too much for me to handle.

Jax groans on the other end of the line. “What did I tell you? Anything you say is perfection. If I was beside you, what would you want to feel?” he asks, his voice gravelly.

“I’d want to feel you… consuming me. I’d want you everywhere. Your hands, your tongue, your…”

“Say it,” he encourages.

“Your cock. I want you. All of you. Everywhere,” I say, jumping into this conversation with both feet.

I can do this. I’m safe here.

“Everywhere?” I hear the question in his voice, his breathing becoming more ragged.

“Anywhere you want it, Jax. All of me belongs to you. You could do anything you want to me, anything at all, and I’d still be yours afterward.”

“You are completely unexpected, love.” He moans. “I wish it was you wrapped tightly around my cock instead of my hand.”

My heart pounds in my chest at the thought of him inside of me, and I close my eyes as I trail my hands under my shorts. The silk fabric is soft against my skin, and I quickly move below my lace underwear, my hand touching bare skin while the other holds my phone close to my ear.

The sound of Jax’s breathing grows louder on the other end of the line. “Do you know what it feels like to be inside of you? To have you wrapped tightly around me? It feels like fucking heaven.” He moans, and the sound sends a wave of pleasure through me.

My breath hitches as my hand moves against the apex of my thighs, my fingers tracing lazy circles around my clit as a need deep within me starts to build, and a breathy moan escapes my mouth.

“Tell me how you’re touching yourself. Tell me what you’re doing to that perfect pussy.”

I do as he says, explaining where my fingers are as I circle the bundle of nerves between my legs before dipping into my core, telling him everything I’m doing, his own arousal audible through the phone.

“Tell me how good your fingers feel inside of you…”

“Not nearly as good as it feels having you inside me. Nothing…” I tremble with anticipation as my own euphoria threatens to overwhelm me, my nerves alight under my fingers. I take a breath before continuing, “Nothing feels as good as you.” I moan. “Nothing can compare to how you make me feel, how your cock makes me feel so full, how malleable I am under your touch. The way you touch me… it’s everything I never knew I needed. The way your cock fills me, stretches me… the pleasure you give me when you make me come… it’s…” Pleasure sweeps me away before I can finish my sentence, my orgasm comes crashing down on me like a wave against the shore. Time stops as I arch my back, my nerves on fire as release invades my senses, my toes curl and I drop the phone, my free hand clutching onto the sheets as indistinguishable moans fill the room.

I lay still for a minute, panting as I try to catch my breath. I roll over slowly, looking for the phone, having abandoned Jax mid-orgasm.

I find it thrown halfway across the bed and as I pick it up I realize I’m unsure of what to say. A few light giggles escape my mouth as I ride the last remnants of the wave of euphoria lingering in my body.

“That good, love?” Jax’s voice is light, but his breathing is ragged.

“Mmhmm,” I say lazily.

“What did you think about when you came?”

“You,” I respond.

“Anything else?”

“No, just you,” I respond truthfully.

“Good girl,” he says, and the line goes dead.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of hope sprout within me, realizing that for a moment I was able to focus solely on Jax and my own feelings of pleasure, able to chase happiness without the thought of anything or anyone else intruding. I close my eyes as I revel in the afterglow of this moment.

*

I take a deep breath as I slowly stretch my body, groaning as I unfurl from the fetal position I was sleeping in. Sheets I don’t remember crawling under are snug around me, and I jolt upwards at the realization that I don’t remember how I got here, on this bed, and a familiar sense of panic starts to take over.

“Easy, love.” The soothing voice comes from beside me.

I jump as I turn towards the other side of the bed, where Jax is sitting with his back against the headboard, shirtless and with a book in his hands. It takes me a minute to find my bearings, to remember where I am and how I got here, and as soon as I do, the panic is quickly replaced by something more, as a sense of calm desire floods my veins. I don’t think he could get any sexier if he tried, and I don’t think he even realizes the effect he has on me during these everyday moments, reading shirtless as his muscles are defined in the glow of the lamp beside him.

“Did it only take one orgasm for me to tire you out?” he asks with an unmistakable glimmer in his eyes as he folds the corner page in his book before setting it down.

I swat at him playfully as I inch closer to him, curling into him as I soak in the heat radiating from his body.

“Thank you—for that,” I say awkwardly, and I feel the heat rush to my cheeks as I yawn, still waking up from my blissfully dreamless nap.

“You never have to thank me for something I want to do.” He smiles. “I’m glad you had fun.”

“I’ve never done it before, and it was good. More than good.”

“Well that makes it a first for both of us.”

My mouth drops open at his confession, and it’s hard for me to imagine Jax not being experienced with something. He radiates a confidence that just makes me assume he’ll be showing me the ropes when it comes to everything in life.

He laughs at my stunned expression, and I can’t help but smile back at him.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he says playfully. “I’m just that good at everything in the bedroom it’s hard to imagine me as anything except well-versed…”

“Good at everything except being modest,” I quip back.

Jax lets out a playful growl before scooping me up and positioning himself on top of me. I relish the feeling of his body touching mine, allowing myself to melt into the mattress, absorbing as much of him as he’ll give me.

His lips meet mine and I close my eyes. I love the feel of him against my skin and the taste of him in my mouth. He stops as he gently caresses my cheek with his thumb, looking at me with a penetrating gaze, filled with a depth of care I’ll never get used seeing.

“What if this doesn’t work?” I ask, trying to keep the worry at bay. “What if I don’t want anything more than this for a while?”

“Then I’ll wait,” he responds simply.

“I appreciate your… patience with me,” I say, wanting to get this off my chest. “I know it’s probably not easy for you to wait for me to… be ready for more. I know that this, whatever this is between us, is based off a lot of… sex, and I’m sorry if I’m messing that up by being like this but—”

Jax’s mouth finds mine again, stealing my breath and silencing the words before they can leave my lips.

“I would wait a lifetime for you, so there’s no rush when it comes to your healing, no pressure to do anything that you don’t feel ready to do. I’m here every step of the way, whether you need a week, a month, a year, or longer, I’ll wait for you until I no longer breathe.”

Emotion grips me firmly as I let his words sink in.

“And as far as not knowing what this is between us…” He trails off and my breath hitches as butterflies take over my body. “ This is everything, love. You are everything. You are the oxygen I need to breathe, the fire I need to burn. You are the sky and the moon, and the sun, and all of the stars in the universe. And I love you, with every essence of my entire being, I love you . So this , love, is you and me, forever. I am yours until the end of time, and don’t you ever forget it.”

I reach up, pulling him in for another kiss, my mouth consuming his, and his consuming mine.

“I love you more than life itself, Jax Turner.”