Page 35

T he kitchen is warm from the oven that has been on for the last couple of hours, as batches of muffins sit on the counter. It’s early in the afternoon, but I’m so exhausted that I feel like I’m ready for bed. After seeing the video, the talk with the guys, and Jax deciding he’s off to get revenge, I’m emotionally drained, but too full of nerves to rest. I stopped painting shortly after Jax left, my hands trembling too much to hold the brush still. I needed a break, needed some solace from the memories that haunt me and the anger that’s consuming me. So, here I am baking, ready to surprise the guys with some food when they get home. I look at the clock, unsure of exactly when they’ll be back; Jax’s estimate of two hours has already come and gone.

The timer goes off and I grab the oven mitt, carefully taking the muffin tray out of the oven. The smell of melted chocolate hits my nose immediately and my stomach rumbles in response. I don’t even wait for them to cool before I try to pry one out of the tray, part of it breaking in the process, but it doesn’t bother me, not when I’m going to eat it right away. I bite into the muffin, almost burning my tongue as I relish the taste.

I’m on my second bite when I feel a dull ache in my stomach. I wince as the discomfort settles in my body, but I keep baking until the cramps wrap around my hip bones and I’m practically doubled over, moving muffins from the baking trays onto cooling racks. I finish what I’m doing, finding some painkillers in the cupboard before going to the bathroom where, sure enough, I realize I’ve gotten my period.

I try to remind myself of how happy I was when I got my period last month, evidence that I wasn’t pregnant after my time at the boathouse, something that despite the preventatives the doctor gave me and having always been told it would be unlikely for me to ever have children, I was still worried about. But I can’t summon the same relief and happiness that I felt then; right now, it just feels like a painful inconvenience I’d rather not have to deal with.

I grab the hot water bottle from under the bathroom sink, filling it quickly before retreating to bed, where I plan to spend the rest of the day in the fetal position watching movies.

*

Jax walks into the room and my eyes dart to him immediately, eager for any clue as to how his day unfolded.

“I know exactly what you’re going to ask,” he says, and I smile at him as he prowls towards me. “And everything went off without a hitch. But I missed you the whole time I was gone,” he says, bending down to find my lips with his own.

I kiss him back, relishing in the constant—sometimes overwhelming—need I have for him. As our lips touch, I realize that just like he has embraced the darker parts of me, I find myself embracing the darkness within him and what he’s willing to do to keep me safe.

He takes a step back but only to undress, and I watch his every movement as his clothes come off. Tight muscles, tattoos everywhere, and green eyes filled with desire meet my stare, except, there’s also a bandage on his chest.

I bolt upright, nervous energy coursing through me as I reach for him.

“What happened, did they hurt you?” I stammer.

He shakes his head with a smile. “No, love, they didn’t,” he says as he climbs into bed beside me, and I make room for him in my cocoon of warmth. His hands reach for me, their touch gentle against my skin, and I lean into him.

“If you’re not hurt then why do you have a bandage on your—” My words stop as his lips meet mine, and I melt underneath his tongue as it claims my mouth.

I let out a moan as he pulls me in closer to him, and the hot water bottle falls off my stomach and into the mattress.

I pick it up and toss it off the bed as Jax pulls back from me, his eyebrow raised.

“Got my period today, so I was just trying to get rid of some of the pain,” I explain.

“What can I do to make you feel better now that I’m home?” he asks.

I smile. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do, it’s more of a waiting game. But I’ve got TV to distract me and I’ve already taken something for the pain.”

The look on his face is primal as he kisses me again and his hands roam my body. “That’s where you’re wrong. I think there’s a lot I could do to help you feel better… to distract you from the pain.”

I catch the insinuation in his tone, in the way he moves his hands over my skin.

“There’s no way… you wouldn’t want to… what’s happening right now is not pretty…” I flush as embarrassment sweeps over me, as I try to argue my case against why he shouldn’t want me right now.

“One day you’ll believe me when I say, nothing could stop me from wanting you.” He kisses me again and I can feel the desire building behind his touch. “Now, if you’d rather keep watching your show and cuddling your hot water bottle, be my guest. But if you’d rather get rid of the pain with your legs on my shoulders and my mouth buried in that pretty pussy of yours, then I am more than willing to oblige.”

“Of course, I’d rather that, but… but…” I try to convince him that this is gross even though I don’t know why I so strongly believe that.

A part of me wants to relinquish all of myself to him, but a louder part of me is worried, self-conscious about the mess, the taste, and everything he’ll have to deal with.

I put my hands over my face, mortified at having to explain this to Jax.

“It’s not like the movies, Jax. It’s, like, a lot to deal with.” I watch him as he pulls the blankets down me, sliding my period underwear off as he positions himself between my legs, the smile on his lips never faltering, and nothing short of roguish.

“It could get messy,” I stammer. “Your bed will get messy!” I argue, as he gently lifts my right leg over his shoulder, before doing the same with my left.

“Why do you think I have black sheets?” There’s a twinkle in his eye as he dives in, his mouth consuming me.

He doesn’t take his time, doesn’t ease into it, as his tongue works magic over every inch of me.

He finally comes up for air, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, blood and evidence of my pleasure coating his skin.

“What can I do for you, love?” His voice is rough as he plants tender kisses on the inside of my thighs. “What can I do to keep you feeling this good?”

I moan as his lips caress my sensitive skin. “Anything you want, Jax. You can do anything you want to me.”

He flashes me a smile, and there’s something hot about seeing my blood coating his lips. “Oh, I was hoping you’d say that.”

He crawls up my body before pressing himself against me, his hard length pressing against my skin. I’ll never get tired of seeing how turned on he gets by bringing me pleasure.

His lips crash into mine, and I can taste myself on him, as well as the unmistakable coppery taste of blood. I wrap my hands around him, pulling him closer into me. His hand finds my lower stomach and he rubs it gently, softly, as if knowing how tender it feels from cramps. A smile forms on my lips at his level of care, his constant need to bring me nothing but contentment.

I arch into him as his hands continue to roam my body, his fingers digging into my skin with enough pressure to mix pleasure and pain, pain I gladly move towards.

He’s moving back down my body, lifting my shirt up to allow his tongue and teeth to mark every inch of my skin. He takes one nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting as I claw at the sheets, moaning as indescribable pleasure washes through me again.

“Fuck, that feels so good, Jax.” I moan breathily.

He looks at me, his eyes filled with primal desire. “I love it when you say my name like that.” He smiles as his mouth surrounds my other nipple, as his hand finds its way between my legs.

I feel one finger plunge into me, followed by two more.

I feel so delectably full, stretching around his fingers as they move back and forth within me. “Oh my god…” I moan loudly, unable to finish a sentence.

“I don’t think God is watching us right now, love, but if he is, then I’d drag him to hell for laying eyes on your naked body.”

“Always so possessive and mentally stable, Mr. Turner,” I say with a smile between moans as pleasure continues to engulf me.

“You are mine,” he says between licks, nips, and kisses. “These breasts”—he moves his blood-covered fingers over my breast as his tongue licks the other—“are mine. This cunt,” he says with a growl, as he moves his fingers back into me, finding the spot that has me panting with need, “is mine. And if anyone else dares to look at you, dares to touch you, then I will happily relieve them of their hands and eyes.”

I start to open my mouth in response, but he grabs underneath me, deftly flipping me onto my stomach. Within an instant his mouth is beside my ear and he’s whispering softly to me, “I’m going to worship your body today, love, as if you’re my only chance of salvation. But just know what while I’m on my knees behind you, that I’m going easy on you.” I can feel the devilish smile on his mouth as he continues to talk. “But every single time I thrust into you, I’ll be thinking about all of the absolutely depraved things I’ll do to you next time.”

He’s off me before I can respond, pulling my hips up and back towards him, so my ass is in the air, I wait for the familiar feel of his fingers or cock finding me, but instead I jump forward in surprise when his tongue runs over me again, licking me up and down eagerly.

“Jax!” I scream in surprise as he holds me still, his hands gripping me firmly.

“Be a good girl and tell me how incredible my tongue feels inside of you, how badly your pussy and ass want more of me,” he purrs between licks as his fingers find my clit, rubbing it just the way I like.

“It feels—” I pause, not sure how it feels, not sure how to separate the shame of his tongue licking me everywhere from the pleasure it’s giving me.

“Take a breath, love,” he commands. “Focus on your body right now, nothing else, and tell me: How. Does. It. Feel?” His tongue plunges back inside me before I can answer, and I shatter, clutching the sheets and burying my face in the pillow as stars encase my vision.

“Amazing,” I pant a few moments later. “It feels fucking amazing.”

I hear him chuckle as he bites my ass, his hands massaging the skin where his teeth no doubt left a mark.

“Maybe next time it won’t be just my tongue there,” he says, and heat rushes to my cheeks in response.

My breathing is ragged, and I push myself up to my forearms, before a gentle hand guides me back down, my chest pressing against the bed as my ass is still in the air.

He lines himself up with me, and in one smooth motion thrusts into me until he’s fully seated. The feeling of his cock inside of me is nothing like his fingers, it stretches me, fills me, in ways that only it can.

“Fuck, you take me so well, love.” He groans as he pulls out slowly before thrusting back into me. “I wish you could see everything that I’m seeing right now, watch how well you take me, how your pussy was made for me, and how much I like the look of your blood on my cock.”

A loud slap sounds as his hand makes contact with my ass, and the sting of it takes me by surprise. But where I expect pain to radiate, I can only feel pleasure, and I’m writhing beneath his touch. Wanting more, needing more, of anything he is willing to give me. I go quiet for a moment, focusing on everything I’m feeling, of all the ways he is making me feel so unbelievably turned on.

“You good, love?” he asks, pausing for a second as he waits for me to answer.

“I’m good, so good. Keep going. Don’t. Stop.” I moan in response, and Jax slams back into me. I’m coiled tight like a spring, my impending orgasm building within me like a tsunami, as Jax continues to ravish me, the speed and intensity of his thrusts only becoming more intense.

My orgasm slams into me just as Jax finds his own release, and my body is no longer my own. I’m completely at his mercy, under his hands, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

He pulls out slowly and I feel his cum dripping down my leg, and I already miss the feeling of him inside of me, already want him again. “Pass me a towel or something and I’ll clean—”

I feel his fingers on my leg, and he moves them back up to my pussy, pushing his cum back inside of me before kissing me on the back.

“Problem solved, love,” he says, and I moan underneath him, loving the way he makes me feel so depraved, yet so loved in the same moment. And just as I feel another wave of pleasure wash over me, I realize how much he has helped me heal, and how much I crave his touch. I lean into everything he’s willing to give me, grateful for him being the one always here to catch me no matter what.