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I grasp onto the sound of their voices and the warmth I feel being carried in Jax’s arms, willing myself to stay in this dream just a little longer.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

My heart sinks as I regain consciousness, knowing exactly what I’ll open my eyes to, and I’m not prepared to be dragged away from the memory of Jax and Ryan so soon.

I shift my body beneath the weight of the blanket on top of me, trying to roll from my stomach onto my side, but I pause, inhaling sharply as pain jolts through me in response. My back is tight and sore, and my limbs are just as exhausted. As I start to come to, I remember the white-hot pain that laced my entire back as I hit the floor, landing on a bed of glass. Memories of Arch’s voice against my ear, the smoke clouding the air and filling my nose, and the burn of a cigar against my skin.

I take a few shallow breaths, my ribs protesting the expansion of my lungs, and keep my eyes tightly closed, trying to grasp onto my dream for as long as I can before it’s pulled from me completely and I’m left facing reality once again.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The footsteps sound closer, and I feel a familiar sense of dread and panic wash through me.

This is not real. This cannot be real.

I open my eyes, only to see Ryan on his knees beside the bed, his expression full of worry.

I try to look around the room but my eyes feel unnaturally heavy, and I can barely keep them open. I close them again, not that I could see much from lying on my stomach. I take a few deep breaths, inhaling a familiar scent, and move my fingers, the dark silky sheets familiar beneath my touch.

I’m in Jax’s bed.

I sigh and the panic subsides as I realize I’m still dreaming.

“I am so sorry.” I open my eyes slightly at the sound of Ryan’s shaky voice, his eyes frantically searching mine.

I smile, unfazed by his words, and a small laugh escapes my lips. “What are you talking about?”

His brows furrow slightly. “Everything, Evi. I’m so sorry for everything.”

I glance at him, at the worry etched into his face.

“This is nice,” I say, skirting past his question. “I haven’t had a dream like this since…” I trail off, my thoughts feeling cloudy.

“You’re not dreaming,” he interjects.

I look at him, still blurry as I try to keep my eyes open.

“You’re here, Evi. Truly here. Jax is on his way back… He’s been by your side since we found you. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up after—”

“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head slowly as I try to push up off the bed, my muscles screaming in protest. My limbs feel heavy and disconnected from my brain, moving like molasses despite the panic starting to rise in my chest.

“Careful, you’ll tear your stitches.” Ryan closes the gap between us, his hand resting on mine.

I flinch at the contact and my arm recoils towards my body on instinct as I close my eyes. A familiar wave of shame and guilt rolls through me, and my stomach heaves in response, my body set on edge by his touch.

I open my eyes, expecting to wake up, to see Tanner in front of me. But Ryan is still here and his shoulders slump as he lets his hand fall slowly to his side.

I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I try to process everything that’s happening, my brain finally catching up as hope starts to bloom within me. My hands tremble as I realize how scared I am to cling onto something as fragile as hope and risk having it snatched away again.

Ryan looks at me, grief etched into his usually happy features.

“Jax found you, Evi. He found you after they…” His eyes drop to the floor but I catch a glimmer of violence behind them, screaming to be unleashed. He takes a deep breath before continuing, his fists opening and closing by his side. “We found you and brought you here. Our doctor fixed you up… You had stitches and have been on some pretty strong pain relief, so I understand the confusion…” He trails off, looking at me as my hands start to shake more violently, an internal battle forging within me.

I want this to be real, I need this to be real, to be here, safe with Ryan and Jax. I’ve wanted nothing but this nightmare to be over since it started. But… I try to catch my breath as my breathing becomes shallow and fast, my body clammy.

My body heaves as a sob escapes my lips.

“Evi,” Ryan says, stepping towards the bed again, his hand reaching to my shoulder.

I withdraw from his touch, scrambling to the far side of the bed, my body on fire as something warm trickles down my back.

“Do not touch me,” I say through the tears. I can feel myself shrinking away from him, I can see the horror and pain in Ryan’s eyes.

I’m trembling and I can’t stop it, even as I recognize Ryan in front of me, I can’t switch it off. It’s like my body has been rewired—reprogrammed—and everything is a threat.

I sink onto the cool floor, the bed acting like a wall between us, and rest my head on my knees. I feel something inside of me cracking, my chest is heavy with defeat while my body simultaneously starts to spark with adrenaline, and the urge to escape becomes overwhelming.

“Fuck,” Ryan exclaims quietly, his steps pacing back and forth. But he doesn’t come any closer to me, staying safely on his side of the bed.

At some point, my tears stop, my breathing starts to level out, and I find myself closing my eyes, the cool floor comforting against my hot skin.

I’m roused by the sound of a door clicking shut and hushed voices filling the air around me, but I don’t open my eyes.

“What the fuck is she doing on the floor, Ryan?”

“You think I put her there? She woke up and freaked out, Jax. I have never seen her like this before.”

“It could be the pain meds…” Jax’s voice trails off.

“She was terrified of me,” Ryan cuts in, his whispers rushed. “I touched her hand and she flinched, actually flinched, from me .”

I hear a heavy sigh and open my eyes slightly to see Jax looking towards me. He looks as if he has aged since I last saw him—dark circles outline tired eyes, eyes that are filled with both exhaustion and anger, as if he’s fighting his own silent battle.

“Hello, love,” he says softly, meeting my gaze.

Ryan’s head snaps towards me and neither of them move, seeming suddenly unsure in my presence.

“You’ve been asleep for a while,” Ryan says softly. “I wanted to move you back onto the bed but…” He trails off.

I look between him and Jax, my hands moving from my knees and onto the cold floor. I brush a tear away and take a deep breath, focusing on everything around me. The room looks the same, warm and cold all at once, just like Jax standing before me.

“He said you didn’t want me anymore. Said you couldn’t be bothered coming to get me,” I start, remembering Rhett’s words.

A pained look crosses both of their faces before being replaced by barely contained anger. Ryan looks to Jax, shifting nervously.

“I swear on my life that I’ve done nothing but look for you for the past two weeks,” he vows. His voice is gravelly, his words laced with an unspoken pain.

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, as I sink into myself, unsure of what else to say, trying to untangle the truth from a web of lies.

I swear again under my breath, looking at both of them, blurry through my tears.

Jax takes a few tentative steps towards me as Ryan remains unmoving.

“Ryan said you jumped off the bed,” he says softly, switching the topic as he moves towards me, as if I’m some wild animal he’s trying not to scare. “I just want to make sure you didn’t rip any of your stitches. Can I look at your back?”

I take a moment to process what he’s saying, realizing I have no memory of getting stitches, no memory of being brought here.

I nod silently.

His feet move against the floor quietly as he approaches before kneeling in front of me. I close my eyes in his presence, finally feeling as though I am home.

I hear him take a shaky breath and I open my eyes to find his eyes searching mine, as if assessing for any damage that he can’t see. I can feel the tension in his body, as if he is using every ounce of control to keep the space between us.

He reaches his hand to me, and after only a split second of hesitation, I take it, throwing myself into him as if I am a moth and he is the flame.

I’m consumed by him, his hands on either side of my face, our foreheads pressed together. He closes his eyes and exhales shakily. “You’re alive. You are here. You are everything to me.” His lips find my forehead, gently kissing me before wrapping his arms around me, careful to avoid touching my back.

I let him pull me into his chest, the warmth grounding me amidst the inner turmoil wreaking havoc on my body. For a minute, just a minute, everything feels like it’s going to be okay, and I let myself melt into him.